Stats: 27, 2 Kids, Married 5 years, 190bs 16%BF, Bench: 9x185lb Squat: 10x215lb Deadlift: 3x395lb Read: Praxelogy Vol 2 Dread NMMNGx3, MMSLPx2, WISNIFGx2, MAP, Pook, TRM, Praxeology Vol 1 Frame

I've been lurking on the MRP forums for a couple of years, read the sidebar multiple times, lifted, and tried to STFU and practice Assertive tools. I have sex with my wife 2-3x a week. I have been annoyed with her because it just feels like duty sex and lacking genuine desire. I realized that I don't want genuine desire but I want enthusiasm. Now I am hyper focused on my unattractive behaviors and trying to kill them, ultimately to get my wife to want to have enthusiastic sex with me

Fuck, everything I have been doing is to try and get my wife to want to sleep with me
Fuck, all of the work that I thought I was doing to develop my frame as a HVM is a huge covert contract.
I am a dancing monkey.

I realized this and took a step back from MRP and all of the content related for a couple months.

Last night I denied my wife asking if I wanted to bang because it was 11pm and I took a trazodone and started feeling drowsy(at least that's what I told her)

But I really denied her because I was pissed off at her for not initiating to sleep with me earlier in the day because it was Father's Day

Fuck me dude, I have read and listened to hours of MRP/RP content acting like it's some magic dirt and have been rolling in it for years hoping to finally stand up as a competent man who fucks

I haven't taken action with all of the content I have been drowning myself with and was blind that I was doing what I needed to do

I am lost as far as how to start over, I want to become an attractive man who fucks but I realized I haven't executed on this goal

wtf do I do now