I met my wife (31F) about 11 years ago, married for going on 4 years now. I love my wife. Would do just about anything for her. The problem is I'm not attracted to her. She has gained a lot of weight and is having trouble or lacking at losing it. We got a 9 month old son who is just about 2 months out from having heart surgery. The surgery went great and he is my life. She is a great mom and wife. Couldn't ask for a better one. Shortly after we met, within the first year I hurt my back. Four bulging disc in my lower back. My left leg would go completely numb. Couldn't stand, lay down or sit for long. At the time I got hurt I was 6'4" @ 240 lbs. She was 5'6" @ 165 lbs. We were living together and she took great care of me. Due to being hurt and all the treatment and pain I gained a lot of weight. I jumped up to @ 315 lbs. She gained as well, to @ 240 lbs or so. Pain and the added weight on both of us made our sex life suck. Basicly a deadbedroom. I found some treatment that worked great and started getting better. I found the "MRP" Read the side bar. I lift. I dress well. (ME) I started eating better over the last 3years and going to the gym. I work out at least 3 times a week. I do heavy weight work outs. It works for me. My back feels great. The doctors are happy. I'm no Greek God. But I look good. When I walk into a room I get a lot of attention. My wife on the other hand continued to eat what I did and rarely worked out. And when she would work out she would barely break a sweat. Currently I have gone from a size 40 pants to a size 34. A size 2xlt shirt to a xlt shirt. I'm @ 225-235 lbs, depending on my work out. (MY WIFE) She is great, but at least 40 lbs heavier. She has a bad diet in the sense that she doesn't know what or how much she eats. She works in a doctors office, so someone is always bringing in shit to eat. At her biggest she was about 240 lbs. Now she is around 210-215 lbs. She is very large chested (DDD or G) cup, but her mid section sticks out just as much as her chest unless she wears her girdle. She works out some. By that I mean she will work out but not break a sweat or push herself. She will skip meals. She is taking an SSRI because of all the medical trouble with our son. But this weight problem has been a problem that we have talked about for a couple of years. (TALK) We have had the I'm not attracted to you like you are talk. She tells me that she doesn't like her body and ashamed. She will watch what she eats and works out hard for about maybe a week. She tells me that she is attracted to me at any weight, I tell her that you can not control attraction. We have worked out together and it ends in resentment. I resent her for not trying hard enough, pushing herself. She resents me for pushing so hard. We meal plan to the best that we can. If she would follow the meal plan she should lose. But she has recently told me that she has cheated on the meal plan at work. Holidays and family gatherings are worse. Both of our families don't know how to push back from the table. She will ask me if I'm mad at her from time to time, it's the resentment from the weight. She wears a girdle everyday. Our sex life as you can imagine is up and down. Mostly down on my part. She will do anything I want. Anything. I have a hard time getting into it. I lust over any reasonably attractive woman I see. I have not cheated and do not want too. I would leave my wife in a hot minute if she cheated. I mean I wouldn't even care about the ryhme or reason, I would just leave and never look back. I expect the same from her. We have really no bills. I make enough to make all the bills we have in 1 week. I have offered to get her a PT or a diet coach. She turns it down. The house is mine from before the marriage. We are saving for a new house in the school zone of our choice. The problem is I can not continue like this. I can not buy a larger more expensive house feeling like I do. TL;DR Lost captain trying to right his ship. All is well outside of not being attracted to my wife. Can not figure out how to lead her. I need you to beat me with a stick to show me where I'm going wrong.