Need help setting a boundary

2ndal · 2019-08-08T14:46:29+00:00

The short answer is you cannot.

I don't mean that it can't be done. What I mean is you, specifically, can't. Not right now, anyway.

The best way you can set this boundary is through action, through bettering yourself and becoming less of a man that your wife wants to cheat on. If you're able to get closer to being that man, then you can set firm boundaries on behaviors as they come up.

You know exactly how it will play out if you bring this up now in your current situation. She doesn't respect you anyway, so why would being mouthy about your snooping help? It won't.

Shut up and focus on yourself.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-08-08T15:51:52+00:00

I justified it to myself as trusting but verifying.

Think of this like taking your child's temperature when they have a fever. You looked at her text messages and found some bullshit, just like taking their temp and seeing it is 100F. You can't scold a toddler and say something like "Johnny, I told you I hate it when you have high temperatures, you need to keep it at 98F or else!". Sounds dumb, right? In the same way, how you are going to say "Jane, I hate it when you find me boring and unattractive and seek your feelz from a former Chad that you still have the hots for, you need to only have feelz for me or else!" and sound good? No, it's bad.

Instead, you'd know that your child needs 10ml of Ibuprofen to bring down the fever. Same goes for the wife, you need to give her a better version of you. Someone more exciting, fit, attractive, stoic, or fix whatever it is you are lacking needs to replace what you are currently giving her so far. That's the ONLY antidote you have in the marital medicine cabinet. Everything else will be coming from a place of neediness, insecurity, and will just further point out the lack in your game brother.

red-sfpplus · 2019-08-08T22:22:42+00:00

Damn. Late to the party.

What I have learned is this. You can be the hottest most successful 40 year old, bald, ripped, Alpha male with undiagnosed mental disorders in Dallas and hoes are still going to keep at least 1-2 beta orbiters around.

Why?

Cause bitches be insecure when their man is hotter than them and they never want to feel like they are more than a few days away from getting some sort of dick. Even though they dont want to.

Solution?

Be a guy that can get a new vagina by close of business.

Same day motherfucker.

BobbyPeru · 2019-08-08T17:35:05+00:00

So you want to punish her by withdrawing sexual attention and other passive aggressive ways where she won’t even know why your mad.

And you don’t think that’s going to end up with you blowing your stack and blurting it out?

No - accept it that you’re still a pussy and keep an eye on it. Act normal

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-08-08T16:09:25+00:00

Your gonna blow yourself up with that dynamite man. Wear some mitts or something.

This is going to be a glorious buffet of drama. Keep us posted.

ReddJive · 2019-08-08T16:32:46+00:00

This is why fucking some girl is left for the final stages of dread. You’ve run the race. You’ve made it clear. You’re in charge of your life, your world.

Making that Step to cheating ins’t necessarily the end of the marriage (women will share a high value man vs leaving him) BUT it means the pedal is down on the ground.

The advice is if sex is all you want go get it. It’s there. You can find it. Any man can fake being an Alpha long enough to fuck a girl. Don’t mistake the two things.

As OP illustrates so well for us he can’t handle the guilt. At all. He wasn’t ready for this meaning he had zero frame and hasn’t accepted the Rule Zero mindset he needs. He is slowly internalize that sex is jus that easy to get. Now the cobwebs are clear. BUT he is now facing the reality, with evidence, that his princess is fucking another guy (my odds say she is).

So now he’s conflicted. He did it. Why can’t she? What do?

No of course he won’t do anything to bring it up. AWALT amiright? Or is it AMALT?

What I would do is not what you would do...rather what you are capable of doing.

IncitingDramah · 2019-08-08T19:11:19+00:00

Nice post of your guilt inspired insecurities.

I was being a pussy and looked through some of wife's text messages. I justified it to myself as trusting but verifying.

Lies

A few weeks ago while on the first business trip at my new job- I got some strange.

Truth comes out.

Check yourself, because you're setting yourself up for one hell of a shit show.

I want to withdraw my sexual attention but I am ready to go after a week of nothing.

Fucking dumb and weak. Have some self control. As far as withdrawal of attention, of any kind, you're going to give yourself away. Stop being a bitch, and go release your bitch think by lifting weights.

l I have had to acknowledge the fact that my wife may have already cheated on me. I don't think so but I'll never know.

+

Her response was "I know I'm not a perfect wife blah blah.

Seems like shes been telling you, but you're not listening.

Ketonian_Empire · 2019-08-08T19:30:10+00:00

If she ever deletes the text, you could block the number on her phone then they wouldn't communicate anymore lol. Or go on the cell service site and block the number.

Anyways how was the side squeeze, is that a married red pill thing or is it encouraged somewhere? Slightly new here.

Thinglet · 2019-08-08T19:50:12+00:00

What are your lifts and BF%?

unsolicited-opinion · 2019-08-08T14:41:05+00:00

Went through a similar situation recently. I felt bad for looking at the texts, but my gut told me there was something more with a co worker. I was right. When I brought it up, I apologized for snooping but he knew what he did was way worse. We had a lot of discussions about it and I was very clear about my expectations going forward. If she was in the wrong and gets upset at you for finding out, then there are 2 problems.

stoicstephen · 2019-08-08T15:40:55+00:00

You are not a man, not even a boy, you are a mouse.

Title	Need help setting a boundary
Author	Madddawg07
Upvotes	14
Comments	42
Date	August 8, 2019 2:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cnmnpw/need_help_setting_a_boundary/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-help-setting-a-boundary.247763 https://theredarchive.com/post/247763

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