So, I’ve noticed that when I’m getting attention sexually from my LTR of 10 years (aka wife), if I acknowledge that I’m enjoying it and sort of “give in” to the pleasure (this could be basic sensual touches/flirting), the attention dries up and everything goes basic (i.e., focus is shifted from me getting attention to, “oh, now you pay me attention while I do nothing”.)

Is this a thing? And if so, what’s the best way to handle the thing?

My best guess is that it’s an attention seeking thing, so when the LTR feels they have your attention, the desire to keep generating attention dissipates.

It’s sort of like a comfort test in which the goal is to sound the depths of the mate’s soul just to see if the affection is there.

If so, the game stops because it’s just that—a game to see if the affection is still there.

I haven’t tried to stop my pleasure response, yet but am imagining that doing so might intensify the attention.

My other thought is that I’m somehow breaking my frame by not responding to the attention in a way that spurs on more desire.