Question about fogging

Red-Curious · 2017-08-16T03:47:12+00:00

Her: you're a piece of sh-- for flirting with X you know that?? Why would you do that?

Start with fogging:

"You're right, I do act that way sometimes, don't I?"
"I can see why you'd feel that way."
"I guess what I did would look like that, wouldn't it?"

If she won't let it go, move into negative inquiry:

"What is it about my actions that caused you to think I was flirting?" [not quite NI, but a reasonable precursor, pressure flipping to make her be the one to explain herself/justify her accusations, not you]
"What is it about my flirting with other people that makes you react that way?"
"What is it about my flirting with other people that you think is bad?"

Keep the string of NI up until she either caves by revealing her actual insecurity or acknowledges that you're not "bad" - you're just doing things she doesn't like, thus it's a personal preference difference.

Her: "It's bad because I'm supposed to be the only one you give that kind of attention to!"

You: "What is it about my giving attention to other women that is bad?"

Her: "Because I'm your girlfriend."

You: "Why does you being my girlfriend make it bad for me to talk to other girls that way?"

Her: "Because it might cause you to cheat on me, so I don't feel like I can trust you."

Personally, I prefer to save AA for this moment. If you pull off AA right away, over time she thinks you're just being evasive all the time and she can never be intimate with you. But when you use negative inquiry to get at the root of her insecurity, she's opening herself up to you - and then you give her the affirmation she needs in a playful way.

You: "You really shouldn't trust me - I've been hiding lots of things from you ... <move in close and whisper> things I'm going to do to you someday that I just can't say out loud."

In the alternative, you can treat her depth of response as a sincere comfort test, telling her what she wants to hear [i.e. avoid the "agree" part of AA], but still keeping it playful.

You: "Cheat on you? <grab her neck-line and look down her shirt> Who could cheat on that?!?"

Your confidence in the delivery is what matters most (I've found this out the hard way). If she feels like you're making a joke, you will have abated the issue, but she won't believe you and you'll have done nothing to quell her insecurities - her jealousy will fester. Sell it right and she'll drop the issue and start getting all tingly.

FF0000_captain · 2017-08-16T01:58:25+00:00

"I was flirting?"

"Yes! You totally were!"

"Huh. Am I flirting right now?"

Smack ass. Walk away.

Fogging is not about answering the question or dodging a question per se. It's about being an impenetrable wall.

You don't have to explain shit. You flirt because you felt like it. That's all that matters.

If she presses you, saying you have no respect or some shit, just acknowledge the feelz: "I understand you feel that way." And if needed add: "but I don't agree."

Edit: the simplest, no-brainer response is to just accept the criticism: "yep, I was flirting." And that's all you really have to say.

weakandsensitive · 2017-08-16T08:23:18+00:00

Her: you're a piece of shit for flirting with X you know that?? Why would you do that?

She's hot.

Own your shit. Have some frame.

Here's a secret that nobody will ever tell you. Attractive people flirt. Period. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The issue is if you're spineless and lack self control and/or social awareness.

The question you want to ask yourself is "Why wouldn't you be flirting?" Just because you're flirting doesn't mean you're interested. And if your woman doesn't understand this, it's a man baby.

Notice that the difference between "She's hot" and all your bullshit statements is that "She's hot" is assertive and matter of fact. Your statements are trying to hard to deflect.

JDRoedell · 2017-08-16T12:21:00+00:00

Here's an example. After she says, "you make it so difficult sometimes," he fogs. I like this clip because it has fogging, AA and AM. Good all around example of frame.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-08-16T14:29:34+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6u2949/fogging_amused_mastery_agree_and_amplify/

did something up to articulte my thoughts. see if it helps with this

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-16T16:27:36+00:00

The idea behind Dread is to inculcate a SUBTLE concern that she may not have you locked down because you have options.

This will backfire if it is not SUBTLE. It is also made considerably more problematic if you have a history of cheating.

hystericalbonding · 2017-08-16T02:44:58+00:00

Fogging is acknowledging the truth in someone's statement. It's agreement in part, or agreement in principle. It's not appropriate in all situations. I probably wouldn't use it here, but if I did, then context would matter.

Intentionally flirting: "I can see that you're upset that I flirted with homewrecker."

Not flirting, at least not intentionally: "I can see that you're upset with the way I was speaking to homewrecker."

I'd address the insult, and I'd offer her an opportunity to discuss it at a later time, when she has had a chance to calm down and gather her thoughts.

Triadis3 · 2017-08-16T03:15:15+00:00

Her: you're a piece of shit for flirting with X you know that?? Why would you do that?

Me: ~~I didn't think you were looking~~ I can see how you might think that.

Fogging. Be like fog, don't give her anything to punch back at.

Her: you're a piece of shit for flirting with X you know that?? Why would you do that?

Me: ~~I didn't think you were looking~~ You got me, we're going to run away to Mallorca and have 5 beautiful babies together. Didn't I tell you?

Agree and amplify. Show her it's ludicrous.

Her: you're a piece of shit for flirting with X you know that?? Why would you do that? Me: ~~I didn't think you were looking~~

AM - just don't, you don't have the frame yet. As evidenced by the poor response to the "cute when you're angry" phrase.

But, I'd just own it.

Of course I was flirting with her.

cholomite · 2017-08-16T03:41:55+00:00

Get to the point where your smv is so high that any interaction you have with a woman counts as flirting, then you can just claim you're only being social.

The best kind of flirting is where you're being yourself and the girls are coming onto you.

BobbyPeru · 2017-08-16T03:56:34+00:00

Fogging takes practice. Took me a while... The key concept for me is the idea that you are just creating a fog around the general Q&A. Read all the examples in the book, and keep that concept in the back of your head, and then it should come more naturally. The idea behind these tools is to be your natural self, not to do magic tricks.

I'm not going to spoon feed you, but I'll say don't go autistic.

Title	Question about fogging
Author	beta-to-boss
Upvotes	6
Comments	23
Date	August 16, 2017 1:44 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6tyur4/question_about_fogging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/question-about-fogging.205663 https://theredarchive.com/post/205663

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