Respect

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-03-26T11:07:28+00:00

You are talking about two things - regaining respect and making mistakes in your journey.

Look, everyone is going to make mistakes. Lord knows I’ve made my fair share of them. The anger phase has hit me a few times, I’ve DEERed when I should have STFUed, and so forth. The key is that I’ve recognized those mistakes and worked to be better. Not saying I’m perfect, but those mistakes go down over time.

When you talk about regaining respect, the question is, how do you get respect in the first place. You keep your word, you make a plan and execute, you lead your family, you have fun with your family, you game your wife, you give her the best sex she’s ever had, you work out and get/be in shape, you get your work life under control and have a plan there (and don’t complain about your job, she doesn’t need your worry), and generally own your shit.

And all of this is reciprocal as well in good relationships. Mutual respect is important. Do you respect her? Is she worthy of your respect? Questions to consider.

BobbyPeru · 2018-03-26T11:52:35+00:00

I need a starting point because the reframing of the relationship is like a stuttering car right now.

The starting point is the sidebar, lifting, and STFU

InChargeMan · 2018-03-26T14:48:19+00:00

The best way to gain respect from others is to first gain respect for yourself.

TurdDoctor · 2018-03-26T11:33:34+00:00

Even though you swallowed the pill your wife remembers the old you. It will take her time to forget the old you and trust the new you is here to stay, the you that deserves respect.

It takes on average 66 days of doing something to form a habit (but it can range from 18-254 days). Keep working and your STFU instead of DEER will stick.

I used to forget my wallet alot when going out of the house. I haven't forgotten it for about 9 months. She still says when we are leaving, "have your wallet, phone?" I don't say anything in response. Its a reflection of my past failure and she will stop when it's clear that version of me is gone for good and the new me is a habit in her head.

SeamusAwl · 2018-03-26T13:50:31+00:00

Read the side bar

But here is the cliff notes version:

STFU
You Do You, let her do her and stfu
If it NEEDS doing, do it and stfu
Own your actions and stfu
“Play” with your wife
Take responsibility for your finances and stfu
Take responsibility for your physique and stfu
Take responsibility for your health and stfu
Take responsibility for house and stfu
Take responsibility for your job and stfu
And STFU

Rian_Stone · 2018-03-26T13:04:53+00:00

Describe what you mean by respect. How are you treated with and without it?

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-03-26T11:58:53+00:00

“starting point..”

Look over there ===>

ReddJive · 2018-03-26T14:42:25+00:00

I never liked the way that's said.

Regaining respect.

I mean the idea of that phrase means you have some sort of checklist to follow in order to "earn" something back. Just like you "earn" the right to have sex with your SO again. It's like my idea of trust in a relationship. I love to hear from the Purple/Blue Pill crowd about they have the trust of thier women. How they "earned" it.

Yeah ok. The reality is we save the harshest standards for those we love and are supposed to be the closest to us. There may in fact be some reasoning there. Since those closest to us can stab us in the back so readily. Yet that has never really changed since the days sons were knifing their fathers for the throne. Still she gets to lord over you the idea that she is the approver of all things respect, and in fact likely has higher standards for her respect of YOU vs some hot piece of man meat she just met or saw at the grocery store.

Maybe it's the luxury of a modern society where we have more time to think about our emotions and emotional security vs the reality of the world. Maybe it's because we live in a hyper-feminist culture where hypergamy is the ultimate law in the land.

So while everyone here just gave you a list of things to do. Make yourself a little checklist and follow it like a good boy. By all means do them in order to "earn" HER respect again.

Or you could just start respecting yourself. Become the man you wan to be regardless of what she thinks. Sure you may want her on that journey going forward. You may have a place for her in your mission. She can stay or go.

Doesn't' really matter. It's all bullshit in the end.

Either way the only thing you can decide is what you are going to do.

Try starting with respecting yourself.

SBIII · 2018-03-26T18:14:19+00:00

After reading this thread and the responses from the OP, I can categorically state that I also have no respect for him.

man_in_the_world · 2018-03-27T02:25:15+00:00

The key elements for gaining respect are owning your shit, boundaries, and frame.

Title	Respect
Author	U-M-P
Upvotes	6
Comments	55
Date	March 26, 2018 10:44 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8785lv/respect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/respect.204678 https://theredarchive.com/post/204678

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