Background: First post here. I've been reading and starting to internalizie (even though that is not a fast and easy process) the sidebar material for about six months. I feel fairly familiar with the "theoretical", but I find it harder to put things in to practice. I guess you could say I have not learned anything than while acta non verba is essential. To that I'd say: fair point but there are some big difference within me. Today I see my problems from a totally different angel, I do for the most part feel better because a lot of stuff that prior to finding TRP seemed utterly strange now makes perfect sense and probably most important I feel I own the problems and solutions. And I'm lifting. I have gained five pounds of muscles, which is not extreme in any way, but feels terrific for a guy with a history of 100% cardio training.

I'll put in another paragraph of background. A lot could be written but for now I settle for this. My LTRs is mainly raised by her (quite masculine) father and I by my mother. We've been together for 10+ yers and have three kids, eight, two and four months. With my newly acquired knowledge I can see that I'm living deeeeep into her frame. In a captain/first officer dynamic she has become the captain that very reluctantly hands over any responsibility which leads to my questions.

This hurts to write but to be fair her role as captain has been due to my shortcomings. Well that's obvious but I mean it in a way where when I take the responsibility she is not content with how things are handled. In my point of view small things can turn in to big issues. Most of the time she has a fair point and it would probably have been better to do it her way which ads to my frustration. And leads to me feeling bad, logging out and letting her run the show.

It also gets me to a point where I feel there is fitness tests and straight out bad behavior. I pass fitness test by AA, amused mastery or just by ignoring. But is this also how I should handle bad behavior? It seems to weak... especially when I'm in a bad mode. This is where I need your advice. Do you think it's my feelings that takes the best of me or do I need to put down boundaries in a harsher manner? And if so do you have any good advice? Both on how I in practice should handle bad behavior and some viable rules how I can make a distinction between fitness test and her just behaving bad?

Let's say I apply the second date rule and she brakes it... what's a proper response without (at least at this point ) going Rambo and/or nuclear?