Well, I blew it...

anythinginc · 2017-07-11T21:38:06+00:00

Dude, you got a good post history with progress and her entering your frame and having good behavior for months. Take her at her word on it and forget it. Have a good time Friday.

I have a feeling that she will always hold this against me.

More likely she would be pissed/upset/sad/guilty that your anniversary date is now the day Mike hung himself. Like having your birthday on 9/11. You can fix that and assure her otherwise.

And not to demean or be opportunistic about your friend's death and the timing with your anniversary and your journey, but now would be a good time for an anniversary card or talk about how much you appreciate her and love her and Mike's death just makes you realize how good you have it and that you would never do that to your family and since your life and marriage are so great, July 10th is always going to be a day of celebration and appreciation for you and something tragic may have happened on that date in 2017, and you may have had some (unspecified) ups and downs through the years, but you do not regret July 10th 1985 and look forward to July 10th for many years to come because it is another year with her.

Add some flavor, you just flipped this shit, showed some introspection and humanity, cut off the 9/11 syndrome etc...

atta boy, get back out there, go team (and sorry about your friend, that sucks ass and suicide hurts everyone)

my wife has an anniversary card waiting for me..She says she didn't say anything because she understands what I am going through

And props to your woman. She could have dropped hints or bullshit, I honestly don't think she set you up to fail, she was being sympathetic/empathetic and understanding. Tell her you appreciate that in the card too.

nantucketghost · 2017-07-12T12:44:37+00:00

Go out Friday. Make it great, don't bring up Monday. She will not hold this against you ever. This is a complete exception because even if you celebrated on Monday, there would have been no real celebration. Just somber attitude.

It's why she didn't give you the card on Monday. If she wanted to hold it over your head she would have. She didn't. She's being very good and understanding about it.

Have a nice dinner, tell her you have it all planned, make reservations somewhere nice, have a bottle of her favorite wine ready to go there and whatever gift you want to give her.

Then after dinner surprise her by going to stay away somewhere. Tell her to pre-pack a small bag for staying away. Stay away somewhere nice. (all this is if you can, can afford it, etc, etc). But why do this? It keeps you away from reality for a little while longer and you'll both feel better and think differently in a new surrounding.

Sorry for your loss BTW... Good luck with that, but don't worry about the anniversary. More ahead and all will be fine. This falls under one of those exceptions that no one but the most wicked woman would hold over your head - and if she's one of those, she's not a keeper.

ReddJive · 2017-07-12T13:13:08+00:00

Don't wallow. Live life.

Mike made his decision. Now you make yours.

I've lost 2 buddies to PTSD over the years. One I had lunch with the day before he shot himself.

You will always wonder but you'll never really know.

FireTempered · 2017-07-12T15:07:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RPAlternate42 · 2017-07-11T21:41:25+00:00

I know the "correct" social answer is a bunch of platitudes about loss and friends and etc.

The objective reality is that you didn't blow anything.

You invited him over, he said "no." He hung himself.

He was probably going to hang himself anyways: hanging oneself is not an impulse suicide. Hanging one's self is a planned event: you have to buy the rope, tie the knot, attach the other end, secure it, place the chair or what-have-you... He was likely in the middle of preparing the whole ordeal when you called.

Mike had his own problems and none of them were your responsibility. He killed himself. It's done. Grieve in an appropriate fashion. Go to the funeral. Or don't.

As for your anniversary. While it was all not your fault, he was still a friend and a death like that can put certain things in perspective and can put other things on the back burner. So you "missed" the anniversary. There will be others and if your wife is going to have a conniption about not being taken out the same day you found out a friend just offed himself, then she's a shit human.

However, it seems she was waiting to give you the card after the day was over, so that's good on her.

Do go out Friday as planned, with the wife. If she brings up not doing anything on Monday, I would leave her at home altogether.

SeamusAwl · 2017-07-11T21:24:59+00:00

Go out on friday like you said.

BobbyPeru · 2017-07-12T03:19:47+00:00

I have a feeling that she will always hold this against me.

So, you are entering her future frame now? Even if she did bring it up, I would NGAF because it would be totally inappropriate and thoughtless given the circumstances.

Read The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson.

The_Litz · 2017-07-12T07:54:24+00:00

Remember, an anniversary is not just the dude treating his lady, it works both ways, she is glad to be part of your life as well.

You handled it fine, what you do going forward is all that matters. You have your shit together, so no, your wife won't hold it against you.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2017-07-12T10:28:55+00:00

I'm torn. Anniversaries are like Valentine's day in that they seem to have shifted from a celebration of your ~~love~~ bond to a special day for her. But the unplugged man will change the spirit of it into a day to simply go have fun with your woman. Mixed into the rough schedule of everyone's life you can both look forward to a planned day of doing something fun together.

And here's where I'm going to rip you. It's a planned day. Got a babysitter lined up (u got kids?), reservations made if you plan to go out to eat or tickets for a fun event. Things were normal until Sunday morning, the day before your anniversary. So why didn't you have a plan?

That said, it sucks about Mike. Not sure what his backstory was. But knowing someone chose that option is tough to deal with.

With your wife, she will never forget that you forgot, but unless she's the type to strike low, and it doesnt seem like she is from how she reacted on Tuesday (not rubbing it in your face at all), then you'll likely never face any kind of backlash over this simply because the events surrounding day trump the day itself. In harsher words: she won't attack because the position is too easily defendable.

Scurvemuch · 2017-07-12T15:19:37+00:00

well there are two ways to look at it.

If you usually plan stuff ahead... why didn't you plan stuff ahead before all of this happened?

If you didn't?

"Babe, I am sorry I missed our anniversary. Mike's death shook me up"

end of story.

If SHE holds it against you, its HER problem.

wild_deer_man · 2017-07-12T18:47:33+00:00

Some of the posters here have such low expectations from their wifes I don't think even TRP can help them.

Let me put this as simple as I can: if your wife is a person that will hold against you forgetting anniversary after your friend committed suicide, she is probably mentally ill (sociopath/psychopath/BPD or very bad emotional issues.)

A normal human being does not act this way. Standards, get some.

rp_findingmyway · 2017-07-12T11:05:12+00:00

I have a feeling that she will always hold this against me.

And you care about her irrational feelings why? Look, I assume your wife had at the every least heard of Mike and knew the grief you felt? It makes sense that an anniversary could slip while all this is going on. Make it up to her with a great time some other day (I agree Friday doesn't sound great timing-wise) and life is back to being awesome for you.

Bedtimeshine · 2017-07-15T14:33:06+00:00

I don't know... I'd throw red pill out the window on this. Tell her your sorry and it will never happen again and you think it's awesome that she took it on the chin for you even though you know she's hurt. And yes, still get her something.

Thomaskingo · 2017-07-12T16:00:36+00:00

Sorry for your loss. Don't worry about her. Just grieve and find other men to unload your pain on and everything will be ok.

Title	Well, I blew it...
Author	Spaw-1-4-5
Upvotes	6
Comments	27
Date	July 11, 2017 9:18 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6mpb4r/well_i_blew_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/well-i-blew-it.205886 https://theredarchive.com/post/205886

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