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How should a guy that's slept with prostitutes date christian women?

November 1, 2022
3 upvotes

This is related to my post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueChristian/comments/yjcnpg/how_should_a_pastor_deal_with_a_repentant_john/

I realize that paying for sex is a major sin and that the guy I know should not have handled his situation that way. But I empathize with what happened to him because losing hope to the degree he did was going to cause something to break.

The pastor at our church got after this guy and even publicly condemned him for his sin. Much like he did for my friend that decided to court two women for marriage. Something that he decided to leave for another church over.

The difference here is that this guy expected the pastor to keep confidence over this sin and did not. I find it rather distasteful that the pastor would decide to publicly condemn a guy for sin he repented of. But that's not what my main question here is since I got some good answers about my pastor's conduct on this matter already.

What I'm asking here is what should this guy do when talking to women about sexual history?

I know with fornication it doesn't really matter since SMV wise it helps men to admit they had sex before. Since a lot of virgins tend to be the more nerdy guys that talk about video games, books and the bible all the time. And those types repel women to the point they don't get any.

But since this guy slept with a bunch of women without earning it with his own SMV. The question is how should he approach telling a woman about what he did?

Asking because after what's been happening at church the guy doesn't know how best to bring it up. He knows that he wants to be honorable and forthright about what he has done. But doesn't know if getting it over with so to speak is the right thing to do or waiting until the woman can see more than just him being this guy that paid for sex.

Again I know that him lying or keeping this history of sin would be the easiest way to deal with it. However I do not think God would desire for a man to keep such a past entirely hidden from whoever he would marry.

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Post Information
Title How should a guy that's slept with prostitutes date christian women?
Author canofdeath007
Upvotes 3
Comments 6
Date November 1, 2022 10:16 PM UTC (3 weeks ago)
Subreddit /r/askRPC
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/how-should-a-guy-thats-slept-with-prostitutes-date.1138496
https://theredarchive.com/post/1138496
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/yjn5hz/how_should_a_guy_thats_slept_with_prostitutes/
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Comments

[–]rocknrollchuck 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Iron Rule of Tomassi #2

NEVER, under pain of death, honestly or dishonestly reveal the number of women you’ve slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover.

The single most disastrous AFC move a man can make is to OVERTLY describe past sexual experiences and/or give a number (accurate or not) to how many women he’s been with prior to the one he’s with. This simple act, whether you offered the information or she dragged it out of you, ALWAYS comes off as pretentiousness and is often the catalyst for an avalanche of emotional resentment, if not outright emotional blackmail from an insecure woman. This is a rookie mistake that will only take you once to learn.

If a woman puts you on the spot by directly asking you for this information always sidestep this COVERTLY. Keep the air of mystery and challenge about you.


Again I know that him lying or keeping this history of sin would be the easiest way to deal with it. However I do not think God would desire for a man to keep such a past entirely hidden from whoever he would marry.

If your friend has repented of his sexual sin and is no longer engaging in that sort of activity, and has gotten tested thoroughly for STD's to make sure he doesn't have any disease that could infect his future wife, then he can simply say that he has sexual sin in his past and has repented and forsaken that life. If she presses for details, he can simply say he doesn't want to discuss it in detail but there were "several." If she pushes for an exact number or details, she's probably going to use it as leverage at some point anyway and it would be best for him to consider moving on at that point.

There are those who would consider any sexual sin in his past to be a dealbreaker, so he shouldn't hide it. But it would be extremely unwise and a huge DLV to offer up all the details on something like this, and per Rollo's Rule above, for sexual history in general. A woman who can overlook past sexual sins to build a life with him will be satisfied with a general answer and accept that as being good enough.

[–]canofdeath007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This makes a lot of sense. I wasn't really thinking of the entire picture here.

So thank you for your wise answer.

[–]AncestorsMusketBall 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Any pastor who condemns repentant sin should be called out and should step down from ministry. He is a pharisee who has no business leading a flock. He is ignorant of the gospel of God and oblivious to his own hypocrisy.

I agree with a lot of what /u/rocknrollchuck wrote. There's nothing to gain from going into nitty gritty details. A woman who demands details doesn't understand grace or repentance and will likely carry that attitude into marriage. And from my own failed marriage I can tell you that living with an insecure pharisee who demands to know every detail about every sin you commit will struggle greatly if not fail.

I also have an unsavory past, arguably more so than your friend. If he wants to connect with someone who is in a similar situation, DM me and I'll send you my contact info.

[–]redwall92 -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like the guy couldn't get a date even if he tried. Where's the worry here?

If he ever gets around to getting his stuff in order and owning his crap, maybe he'll be attractive enough to actually date a real, living woman. Maybe then he'll own his past as well and be able to discuss it (or not discuss it) as best he sees fit and own the reasons as well. Not hiding out of shame or overtly showing his past out of shame to fill some void with somebody's acceptance.

Until then, who's he going to date anyway? What's the problem here?

[–]canofdeath007[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well I plan on taking him to the gym and helping the guy sort out his life because no one else will.

That's why I asked the question.

[–]redwall92 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Once he has his life sorted out, he should be able to answer the question how he chooses. All the rules apply like the one given by chuck in his response. Your guy doesn't have a horn sticking out of his forehead, does he?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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