Am I an asshole for this?

VasiliyZaitzev · 2021-02-13T16:17:46+00:00

Yep, you are. It's your LTR and maybe you could swap out Saturday for your Sunday or go to the gym later on Sunday.

to which I replied that I honestly don't give a shit about Valentine's and it means nothing to me.

Yeah, that's called "Being a guy". V-Day is a "Hallmark Holiday". Ofc, what your gf heard was "YOU mean nothing to me."

and I thought that was it.

Yep. A common mistake. That shit will get written down and, three years from now, brought up in some other disagreement. That's how shit works with girls.

Should I just stand my ground and stick to my usual plans, or should I just give her a bit of comfort and give up on my routine this week?

You should have done that second one from the start. Now there's the "loss of Frame" problem. Your move here is to start your V-Day in the afternoon, cook together or some shit that she likes to do, after you go to the gym in the morning.

Nero9214 · 2021-02-13T16:04:24+00:00

At what point does desperately trying to hold frame and analysing everything mean you're in their frame?

becomeabetterman94 · 2021-02-13T13:59:41+00:00

Lmao have any of you commenting actually even read the Rational Male

sicrm · 2021-02-13T14:34:36+00:00

she won’t be sitting in her room alone on Sunday

CochinoChingon · 2021-02-13T14:18:47+00:00

Stand your ground.

Rkingpin · 2021-02-13T13:32:09+00:00

Youre being autistic here if this truly is an LTR the social norm is to do some kind of comfort building on valentines youre treating her like a plate dont be a dumbass

ScopeSided · 2021-02-13T15:39:27+00:00

Your logic are posts and videos that are telling you how valentines day is a "women expecting men to do ... day". Yes, there is reasoning behind that. No, you dont have to be that guy. You can fit all your plans for tomorrow in under 5 hours and then still netflix and chill for 10 hours with her. If she expects roses, chocolate and gifts, ok you might been right not wanting to meet her. Otherwise, you are really not convincing why to deny the benefits of having a LTR on that day.

TheShearerComplex · 2021-02-13T17:25:06+00:00

Lol you’re so in her frame it’s unbelievable. Why would you just gym Saturday instead? In fact gym shouldn’t take more than an hour minus 8 hours sleep, that gives you 15 hours to do something else

dumb_pausanias · 2021-02-13T15:26:44+00:00

Comfort test failed succesfully, we'll get them next time

DS_1900 · 2021-02-13T23:14:29+00:00

Are you sure you wouldn't just prefer spinning plates instead? (advice for which has a lot of agreement on in TRP, unlike giving LTR advice)

abbi_kadabi · 2021-02-14T19:10:18+00:00

That’s like saying, hey I know it’s you’re birthday today but I don’t celebrate birthdays on sundays, see you Monday lol (facepalm)

Chris6Weigand · 2021-02-13T13:57:14+00:00

By all means I would understand if this girl you're talking about was just a plate, but you're talking about a LTR. No shit she is gonna wanna spend V day with you... Think for yourself instead of reading you have to hold frame in every instant like a tool

Kmac0505 · 2021-02-13T13:37:14+00:00

Yeah. You’re the asshole. It’s Valentines Day. Would you normally take her out and hang out on Valentines Day? My guess is yes. Find a compromise.

SS-CoCoNuT · 2021-02-13T14:53:44+00:00

Mission over hoes my friend

ZedBaby · 2021-02-13T18:05:12+00:00

If it's really an LTR then yeah, you're an asshole.

For her, this kind of shit is relationship defining. Expect the wheels to start falling off.

Optionsmfd · 2021-02-13T16:45:08+00:00

do what u feel

personally i would probably have swapped sat for sunday......

now that u did what u did...... looks like shes shit testing u........ if u stand your ground u have to deal with a total bitch.... with lingering distaste

if u give in..... u enter her frame

Red_Vet_Garageman · 2021-02-13T17:44:53+00:00

I feel you on this one bro.

So if it was a plate, that's a no brainer.

What level or an LTR is she to you? In an LTR there are a few compromises. But if this is one thing your not able to compromise on, then don't. Just understand this may break it off. As patrice o'neal says, don't get attached to anything you can't walk away from in 30 seconds or less.

Now the fact she cancelled on Saturday, she might be trying to get some leverage. If she does this all the time, I would re-evaluate the LTR and demote if necessary.

In LTRs I like to make rules that I'm ok with being broken. I feel a woman likes to think she is slowly breaking down her alpha over time. This might be a "rule" you'd allow to break on this one time occasion. I don't know long term efficacy but my LTR just showed an abundance of appreciation for me yesterday on all my sacrifices I make for her (I don't).

You might be able to play this angel if you see it going anywhere. Or smile, nod, and do what the fuck you were gonna do regardless. No answer is the wrong answer as long as it is what you want to do. Don't do it out of fear of loss, because then your in the wrong frame. Do it because you want to reward her with the gift of your time spent with her. (Or give her the gift of missing you). Good luck man let us know how it went.

theredsperg · 2021-02-13T16:02:38+00:00

bra, it's one day in the entire year.

make a effort

throwitdownman · 2021-02-13T19:04:34+00:00

Pretty surprised at the comments. I actually agree with them - Valentine’s is like the Super Bowl for women and they’re favorite team is in it every year.

I used to be like you and literally didn’t give a shit. TRP compounds it by preaching frame, leading, etc. Got into meaningless shit tests and comfort tests every year. Eventually learned my lesson and just went along for the day.

I feel there should be a sidebar post about ‘when to compromise’. A lot of guys just don’t know how and when to finesse these situations.

dlee25093 · 2021-02-13T16:08:16+00:00

You’re creating an issue by not spending Valentine’s Day with her because you wanna go to the gym.. read that back and how stupid that sounds.

halleluiaiaia9292 · 2021-02-13T13:42:14+00:00

This is how she will end up cheating on you and going for a beta provider that actually cares.

I think its about finding a balance.

Maybe dont buy her flowers and bring her to an expensive dinner, but rather cook her a nice meal at home or order sushi.

Do something but not over the top

not_enough_wawas · 2021-02-13T14:23:53+00:00

YTA - Valentine’s Day is absolutely part of the traditional LTR experience, no wonder she’s pulling back. Simply being a humbug is not holding frame

____Weabooo_V2 · 2021-02-14T00:43:47+00:00

The Autism is strong with this one

Title	Am I an asshole for this?
Author	Mostass
Upvotes	3
Comments	45
Date	February 13, 2021 1:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lj0krj/am_i_an_asshole_for_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/am-i-an-asshole-for-this.741291 https://theredarchive.com/post/741291

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