Dread Game - WTF do I do now?!

niczar · 2014-08-06T21:54:58+00:00

Keep holding frame. You shouldn't have let her have you sleep on the couch, if she doesn't want to sleep with you she can go on the couch.

blarggggggggggg · 2014-08-06T22:25:46+00:00

First of all, you are doing GREAT. This is just proof that this shit is working for you.

This mother of all shit tests is going to be tough but you can do this. I'm not sure I have any good seasoned advice about this though - you have entered the big leagues.

You know this, but do NOT get angry, do NOT apologize. It will be tough but try to maintain empathy for your wife - this is all stemming from her personal anxieties so you should feel a little bad for her. Hang on fucking tight and ride this out, she won't be able to maintain the maniac energy forever.

Also, take it or leave it, but I would not provide any reason for changing your password other than, 'I don't know, I just felt like it'. As mentioned in the book 'When I Say No, I Feel Guilty', you have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior. To do so would be to begin to lose frame and the shit test.

bicepsblastingstud · 2014-08-06T21:23:29+00:00

Has she been acting suspicious?

Really treated me like shit, but stayed, hasn't strayed (99.9% sure).

You may need to reconsider this.

redpillshadow · 2014-08-06T21:29:25+00:00

You hold frame at all costs. She has no place NSAing your phone.

A bit worried about the timeline. At least one of those kids falls into the depression phase where you were 100lbs overweight and at your worst.

Strangeclouds420 · 2014-08-07T00:53:08+00:00

I would remind her that she's keeping herself from being happy with these childish antics. Tell her if you wanted to cheat you could and would get away with it but have chosen not to because you're man enough to leave if she's not what you want anymore. That normally gets them to start back acting feminine, cooking your favorite meals, etc. Also tell her If she wants to continually to jeopardize a stable future then you'll have no choice but to start exercising your options.

vandaalen · 2014-08-06T22:25:35+00:00

You must keep in mind that you have to be righteous in all your actions. They will be able to sense if you are not.

You must develope an abundance mentality and be fully willing to take an L. I completely understand that you do not want to risk your marriage, but you know that you also would not want to live with this type of shit for the rest of your life.

Of course you will not give her access to anything and allow her to spy on you. This isn't even something which is open for discussion and therefore you do not discuss this with her. You do not need to explain yourself.

From what I've read everything works out pretty good and you are doing it right.

Stay unaffected. If she gets too annoying leave the house for a night or two without mentioning why and upon return pretend as if nothing happened.

If she threatens you again just tell her that she knows where the door is and then you go out and meet with some friends or something. If you want to you could add that you would certainly not appreciate it if she would be gone upon your return, but since this is a free country and you do not possess her she's free to do whatever she thinks she has to do.

You need to give her time to adjust to your new you. You became a leader and she isn't used to this so she has to test out how much of a leader you are. Your change caused a cognitive dissonance since you behave in a way that your former status wouldn't allow.

Don't give in an inch, stay calm and logical and things will work out.

SickSadWorId · 2014-08-07T00:29:16+00:00

You don't know it yet but you've won, you've held your frame and she's about to break.

She has threatened everything (she will leave me/ruin me/cheat on me/ take the kids/ad nauseum) and gone to bed in a huff. Wants me on the sofa - fuck that.

DON'T go to the sofa for any reason, and her treating you like the worst person ever is the final shit test before she caves in and accepts that you're a changed man, either she'll leave to find the beta bux she originally married, or stay with someone she doesn't really know, bit sad I know but you come out ahead which is all TRP cares about.

MightyTaint · 2014-08-07T08:37:01+00:00

Just to add to the already great comments I've read. She's been your sugar momma, a HB7/8, bore you two children, and put up with you becoming a fat beta slob. You wouldn't have been able to attract a cockroach at your worst point, and now the second you're finally making yourself look like a human again, you're going to (in her mind) move on to another woman. After she stuck with you?!? No wonder she's furious.

If you have nothing to hide from her, you have nothing to hide. But now you've painted yourself in a corner because it will be beta to back down. It is imperative you understand where her anger is coming from. It's not just you cheating, it's you cheating after she stuck it out with your fat slob ass.

Depending on what kind of phone you have, or what you've already said to her, you may want to try to brush it off as "My phone kept butt dialing in my pocket so I put a code on it. To discover you were going through it took me off guard, then your outburst was completely unacceptable."

Now take the conversation in the direction where you hit key points:

1.) Tell her "Our marriage will be and always has been completely open. If you had politely asked for the code for some valid reason, I would've given it to you without a second thought. If you had politely asked out of suspicion, I would've given it to you, and been offended by your distrust. But this tantrum is completely unacceptable."

2.) All forms of communication by both sides will be completely open to the other. If she wants your passcodes, she can have them. If you want hers, you expect them. But do not ask for hers, and if she tries to give them to you, do not accept them. It doesn't matter anyway, if she was going to cheat she'd find another secret way to communicate anyway.

3.) Now that the passcodes are off the table, the real issue comes at hand. There is no discussion about this, just lay it down: Going ballistic, screaming, shouting, making demands, threating to ruin you, leave, cheat, etc. is unacceptable. Of course she's going to act up again, but make sure the fact that it isn't acceptable is stated by you. This will help you nip it in the bud in the future, and hopefully minimize the magnitude of her outbursts.

4.) Now that all issues are resolved, don't let her bring them up again, or continue this argument/melt down. Tell her her concern is addressed, and you now want to see her be a loving wife to address your concern; that is how hateful she has been in this altercation. When she asks what that means, just kiss her and proceed to have sex with her.

Being alpha at this point isn't further dread game or standing your ground. It's showing her that she's wrong to doubt you and she's a silly girl for thinking such nonsense. Don't say it, but act it. But you have to do it in a way where you can maintain frame and not look like you're backing down. Do it in a way where your altercation with her had to do with her distrust and outburst, not about whether or not you'll give her passcodes. Do it from the point of view that the passcodes could've always been hers to begin with, and your conflict has to do with how she reacted to the situation so suddenly and (emotionally) violently.

GraphicSeniorNudity · 2014-08-06T23:35:14+00:00

She's been secure for years and now suddenly she sees your SMV going up and is terrified.

I'm gonna go with hurry up and wait. See how the situation develops. Don't make things worse by putting your foot in it. Don't react to her shitty behavior. If you change your routine that could be seen as caving to her demands, or as proof that you're fucking around on her. Keep doing what you're doing, keep your nose clean, don't focus your dread game so heavily anymore. It's done everything it needs to. Keep working out and being awesome. You overcame depression and lost 100 pounds, she should be happy for you. Instead she's being a crab in the bucket.

She went for the nuclear option. You know her better than any of us do, is this a credible threat or is she just conducting emotional warfare? My mother goes for the nuclear option with my dad every now and then. He doesn't take her seriously because we all know that she's just being dramatic.

[deleted] · 2014-08-07T01:13:15+00:00

imo. Hold frame, when you and your wife are in heat of the argument, ask her, "you think I dont love you?" before she can reply, grab her and make love to her like it's the last time you will. That should fix your problem.

OG-Wyze · 2014-08-07T02:48:04+00:00

I'd play it like. I'd ask the others to comment as to whether it would be effective.

She just admitted she's be going through your phone, ask her if she found anything. I'd confront her behavior and tell that if after she hasn't seen any evidence of you cheating why would she get all worked up. I'd stress how you never went through her things and that its about respect and she has to respect your privacy. Just guilt her into feeling bad for rummaging through your shit. Then leverage yourself above her by saying you never went through her shit. Hell throw in some lovey dovey shit if it works for you about how shes better than that blah blah blah.

sir_wankalot_here · 2014-08-07T08:40:55+00:00

I am going to go against the conventional wisdom on this one, mainly because of this statement.

I got ill - depression. Killed my business, got REALLY fat. She stayed, but behaved like a c*nt. shit sex, almost a dead bedroom. Really treated me like shit, but stayed, hasn't strayed (99.9% sure).

If a woman stays with you when you are down, then that is a good woman in my books.

I suspect she feels insecure, she thinks that your positive changes are indicative that you are having an affair or on the prowl.

Maybe tell her that you are getting your shit together so you can offer your kids a better future.

slurmfactory · 2014-08-07T13:53:23+00:00

lol shes freaking out because she wants to own your soul and youre taking it back. honestly if shes that fucking crazy it might be doomed because she cant handle you being a beast like youve become again. ive never been married with kids but "doing you" should be a good thing. Dont back down though, if she wants to start freaking out and going through your email and phone shes just gonna push and push and push. Not sure how youre gonna win with a chick youre so committed to. I mean, she treated you like shit right?

Why ARE you doing all this? to get HER respect? To get your all's relationship better? It sounds like she preferred the broken-alpha she had on a leash, who she could disrespect and throw a few dog treats of sex to here and then. Honestly I think you just need to dominate her. When she freaks out just grab her, kiss her, and fuck the living hell out of her for hours. Break HER, like a wild stallion. Otherwise you all are probably fucked because she can't handle the sexy you and will assume you are doing all this to cheat on her, when you haven't. Plz update though this is good shit to learn from.

honestly it sounds like a shit relationship though. its awesome that you have taken control but she seems kinda awful. youre young as hell, do you still want to deal with this shit? are you in love with her? you lost 100+ lbs and are taking great care of yourself, and she immediately assumes thats cheating?

I was dating a girl that I was straight TRP with, mainly because I didnt have feelings for her. I tried to break up with her several times but she tried so many tactics to get me back, usually sex and twice claimed she was pregnant which really fucked with my head. I remember trimming up my pubes and she flipped out. It was nuts. I was like I just felt like trimming wtf, and she was accusing me of cheating and losing her shit. Ridiculous, but shit happens. I just dont think this is a healthy relationship at all, unless she can settle down and handle - not being the man in the relationship, and dealing with you being a beast again. Sounds like she cant. but def let us know and stick to your guns. Shed probably rather you be 100 lbs heavier so she can dominate your soul. And who says she hasnt strayed, considering you all had a shitty sex life.

If you really do love her and want to stay with her and have her be your wife, then take control. Tell her this is how its gonna be, this is the new you and she can deal with it or gtfo. You are the man and this is your family, and she is your wife. Then fuck her like an animal and dominate her physically and sexually. Break the stallion haha.

DanG3 · 2014-08-06T23:25:14+00:00

You are doing well with your improvement plan. Congratulations! Yeah, changing the PW = BIG mistake. Only a cheating-guilty guy would do that. LTR Dread Game is different than Single DG. In LTR DG you want her to know that you are attractive to other women ... As in, "I can't help it if they are all over me, but know Honey, I'm choosing YOU!" You CAN'T (actually) cross the Complicit Line of participating in other women's desire for you - real, fictional or wife-hamstered. If you do, you DLV yourself as a Cad. Changing your PW was an indicator of complicit guilt.

What to do? You apologize for changing the PW and getting her upset. "I was feeling good about myself and I thought I would give you some shit. I am sorry. I took the pass code off the phone (or put it back to what it was)." That is all - nothing more - no discussions - no promises - end of discussion. Walk away.

As others have said, your DG was/is working and will continue to work, but you can't contaminate it with caddy behavior. See this discussion for more on LTR DG: http://en-us.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2alji8/my_use_of_dread_game_in_a_ltr/

ETA: Don't ever apologize again for this, revisit it, or let her revisit it. It's over and done.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-08-07T04:57:15+00:00

Plates, abundance mentality, pack leader. I lifted, worked as a bouncer as well as running my own business. When we got together, I slowly became more and more beta,by the time we married I was a beta faggot. She was the boss, I was her bitch.

I got ill - depression. Killed my business, got REALLY fat. She stayed, but behaved like a c*nt. shit sex, almost a dead bedroom. Really treated me like shit

Is there some macro with these?

OK, I believe that your digital life is NOT private if you are married. I told a friend not long ago that his wife was not to be getting text messages that he was unable to check on her phone cuz they are married and that is an open book. I tell you the same thing. You can't start changing passwords and hiding online shit like that. Way, way, way out of line IMHO. Way, way different than going out with buddies or talking about girls at work or other soft dread. This is not even HARD dread (flirting with girls in front of her, studying pickup artistry). That is NUCLEAR dread. This tactic is the last ditch effort to get your wife's attention before you leave and divorce her.

What do you do now. Tell her you agree that BOTH of your phone and internet lives are open to inspection and remind her that works both ways. Do it with complete amused mastery. Like you say, nothing to hide.

Edit after reading other comments: This is definitely a good thing, not a bad thing. Your wife has stayed with you through thick, Red Pill to Blue Pill pussy and back to Red Pill again, depression, fat, slobbery bitch to respectable again. The chance she has remained faithful because of her obvious value placed on fidelity is also high. Her value of you is also high. Reset the relationship out of the Dead Bedroom tonight. Don't apologize for what you did but feel free to apologize for her FEEEEEEELLLLLzZZZZ. Give her the PW and say: "I wasn't even sure you would notice it or even care and I am very sorry you are so upset but I also think it is very sweet and a huge turn on." Then escalate....and never let her bring it up again.

LineOfCoke · 2014-08-06T23:22:38+00:00

do wht natural alphas do. a half hearted appology, a cheap bouquet of flowers, but nothing changes. In the future, you want to use dread game strategically. its a precsion missle strike, not a carpet bombing.

Why are you even running dreadgame? honestly she seems like a quality lady. she went cold in the bedroom when you became a fat slob, but she never stepped out onyou or left you. you repay that by usng dread game to make her nuts? maye you didnt tell thestory right but it seems like you fucked up honestly.

[deleted] · 2014-08-07T04:47:17+00:00

Always hold frame. she might have meant it at the moment but the second her bluff will be called she will back down. IF I was in this situation I would have really put her on the spot and make her decide whether she really wants to act out her threats.

the whole "my woman trusts me, my woman doesn't feel insecure enough to go through my phone. My woman treats me with respect. If you want to sleep seperated, you are actively chosing for a physical seperation in this relationship.

you catch the drift. its a pretty calm and merciful approach. you could choose to act as if she has already decided she wants to seperate and openly engage socially with other women but tbh I don't think you need that much force to take the authority from her.

SoulTrack · 2014-08-07T14:00:56+00:00

She is so adamant about you cheating, I'm inclined to think it's actually her that is cheating.

HS-Thompson · 2014-08-09T14:36:23+00:00

There is a lot of good advice here about holding frame and not getting thrown off, and not giving in or rewarding her temper tantrums. That's good stuff, take that advice to heart.

One thing though, when you're married you do have to be able to address the relationship, rather than just avoid everything. Have you already done the obvious, which is to look her in the eye and say I am not cheating on you, I am not looking to cheat on you, and I love you and am committed to our marriage?

I am not saying to go beta about it, ie don't apologize, don't elaborate beyond the above, avoid needless detail, don't speculate on what she might be thinking, don't engage in hypotheticals etc. Just say I love you and I am not cheating on you and don't plan to. Clearly with total confidence.

I have found that kind of directness can often get the female hampster spinning in a more positive direction, let her do the rationalizing as to why it's true that will result if you say that directly, convincingly and with confidence.

TomHicks · 2014-08-16T15:36:01+00:00

Contact an experienced divorce attorney. Prepare your financial assets to avoid being divorce raped. Hire a private investigator to snoop on her. He'll get the skinny on what she's up to. Once you have your ducks in a row, file for divorce. Don't ever sleep on the sofa, and don't ever ever move out. Get a DNA test for both your kids. Even if they're not yours, you may end up having to pay for child support depending on what state you live in. But get a DNA test anyway to remove any doubt.

Your marriage is over and you can do better.

asd1100 · 2014-08-06T23:32:08+00:00

Are you willing to leave?

You are still young and you sound like you have a strong foundation to beuild a great alpha.

Take some legal advice if you are and see how to make it as painless as posible for the kids.

If you aren't, just go for a road trip, and when you come back lay on some rules and stick to them. Do not give her a inch, do not let her involve the children. If she abides by them, you are the best husmband and father you can be, if she doesn't you cut contact, you give her 48 hours of single mother life.

LukeMooney · 2014-08-07T08:19:36+00:00

HOLD FRAME you're so close, just hold on a little bit longer!!!!

This whole thing is your doing as you're basically reversing all the bad you did in getting lazy depressed etc. So there's bound to be teething problems, just stick with it mate. As far as actual responses, when she's like this treat her like a child, ignore tantrums and don't react, STAY COOL.

Also, just realised what it looks like from her perspective, you got fat and depressed, she stayed. Now you're handsome again, it looks like you're cheating. So maybe explain to her that you still love her, whilst reminding her that you won't tolerate this kind of bad behaviour. SIDE NOTE: now that she is clearly worried you'll leave, throwing tantrums, best thing to do with all that energy and emotion, is put her to work. Ask for a cleaner house, and better more healthy meals, again she will resist, but then do it anyway, reward her when she does, ignore her when she doesn't. You must direct her, tell her to get things ready for X trip. Little jobs, she'll absolutely love it, just remember to reward good behaviours.

Title	Dread Game - WTF do I do now?!
Author	redbluerage
Upvotes	26
Comments	48
Date	August 6, 2014 8:58 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2ctmim/dread_game_wtf_do_i_do_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dread-game-wtf-do-i-do-now.141208 https://theredarchive.com/post/141208

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