ELI5: Amused Mastery?

htbf · 2016-01-04T21:26:38+00:00

It's when you're so much on top of the situation (you master it) that you're amused by the underlings trying to rock the boat and that you actually display that amusement.

The Way of the Superior Man doesn't used the words "amused mastery" but has a few examples.

“Perhaps you have been working toward some financial goal, and finally you have succeeded. After months or years of effort, you have creatively earned a large amount of money. You feel happy, full, successful. You feel great. You come home to your woman and want to share the news with her.

“I just made a million dollars today.”

“That’s nice.”

“That’s nice!!?? You know how hard I’ve been working for this.”

“I know. It feels like I haven’t seen you in months. Did you remember to pick up the milk on the way home?”

“Oh, sorry. I forgot. But who cares? We could buy a dairy farm now!”

“I asked you to pick up the milk three times this morning, and I put a note on your briefcase. How could you forget?”

“I said I’m sorry. Look, I’ll go get the damn milk...”

Why is she being this way? Because she simply wants to deflate your success? No. She is challenging you because your success doesn’t mean shit to her, unless you are free and loving. And if you are free and loving, nothing she says can collapse you. She wants to feel you are uncollapsable, so she pokes you in your weak spot.

Of course she knows how much this moment of success means to you. This is precisely why she is negating it. Not because she wants to hurt you. But because she wants to feel Shiva. She wants to feel your strength. She wants to feel that your happiness is not dependent on her response, nor on you making a million dollars. She wants to feel you are a superior man.

It’s a tall order to be this free, and in your more mediocre moments you will wish your woman would settle for less. But if you are a man who is living his fullest, willing to play his edge and grow through difficulties, then you will want her to test you. You may not like it. But you don’t want her to settle for some bozo who depends on his woman’s response to be happy. If you are aligned with your mission, you are essentially happy, even though times cycle between difficult and easy. You don’t need your woman’s strokes to fulfill your mission. It still feels good when she strokes you, but you don’t need mommy anymore, telling you what a good boy you are. And your woman doesn’t want you to need mommy. In fact, it sickens her.

If your woman is weak, she may settle for a weak man, and therefore play into your need to feel like a good boy. But if she is a good woman, a strong woman, she won’t tolerate your childish needs for a pat on the head, collecting bigger toys, and being king of the mountain. A good woman will love the childlike part of you, but she wants your life to be guided by your deepest truths, not your untended childhood wounds. She wants to feel that at your core you have grown beyond the need for kudos and million-dollar toys. She wants to feel your self-generated strength of truth.”

So she will test you. She might not be fully conscious of why she is doing it, but she will poke your weak spots, especially in moments of your superficial success, in order to feel your strength. If you collapse, you’ve flunked the test. You have let your woman deflate you. You have demonstrated your dependence on her for external validation. Even if you just made a million dollars, you are a weak man. Your woman cannot trust you fully.

If you remain full and strong, humorous and happy, your truth unperturbed by her testing, then you pass the test.

“Honey, I’ll get you some milk, all right,” you say as you sweep her off the ground and lay her on the couch, laughing, kissing, looking deeply into her eyes, and “milking” her happiness with the confident loving of your caresses.”

ThePretendDoctor · 2016-01-04T21:05:06+00:00

You're seeing what she's doing (shit test) so you answer in a way that shows you know what she's trying to do, and you're amused by it. (amused mastery)

"are you seeing other girls?"

"usually I smell them, but on occasion I give them a look"

BowlOfCandy · 2016-01-04T20:35:25+00:00

Confident Sarcasm with an IDGAF overtone. Good for shit tests and bros who try to AMOG you.

refusewool · 2016-01-04T21:22:24+00:00

I like to think of amused mastery as the confident, superior, and of course amused frame (for lack of a better word) you would hold when a child is telling you a (non-intentionally) funny story.

neomorphed · 2016-01-05T00:55:43+00:00

Imagine your kid tells you he's going to hold his breath until he dies. You're not going to argue with him about it as that would be stupid. You also don't have to be condescending or sarcastic as you're above it. You can be playful and take the conversation in a direction that you choose. Humor can be a great way to diffuse many situations (the 'amused' part), while mastery reflects that you maintain frame, see the test for what it is and decide the direction you want to take the conversation.

nicethingyoucanthave · 2016-01-04T21:40:54+00:00

A lot of times, women say things out of fear (though the fear may be subconscious). They're afraid you're not really strong, afraid you're not taking care of them, or maybe just afraid they're wasting their time with you when they could be with someone better.

Amused mastery is acting like, not only did she not have to worry about that specific thing, but it was silly of her to have doubted you at all.

I like to say, "oh ye of little faith" with a big, shit-eating grin.

Honestly, I think it's a great idea of manufacture situations where you can do this. If you get great tickets to something, don't tell her that you've already got them. Let her see the line and have to say something like, "we aren't going to get in" - then you whip them out and act like duh, obviously you had a hook up all along.

NotUpToAnythingGood · 2016-01-04T22:52:32+00:00

Her: Are you horny again?!?

Me: Again implies I stopped at some point

In essence, you see the BS for what it is and let it amuse you rather than get angry about it. Generally best responded to with humor and some Agree & Amplify

Her: All you want me for is sex!

Me: Not true. I also like your cooking and cleaning. But those aren't important at the moment

--or--

Me: Yep! So what crazy, freaky thing are we going to do tonight?

It just needs to be equally over-the-top as her BS and it helps to make her laugh in the process (usually at the absurdity in my experience).

Title	ELI5: Amused Mastery?
Author	Elfclan30
Upvotes	16
Comments	21
Date	January 4, 2016 7:03 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3zg4di/eli5_amused_mastery/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/eli5-amused-mastery.158769 https://theredarchive.com/post/158769

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