Feeling Alone

manwithoutwire · 2018-06-08T04:29:22+00:00

You've got the groundwork done, you gotta learn to be happy being alone.

lifehopper · 2018-06-08T05:02:55+00:00

I've been working out, eating right, cutting out bad habits and just going all out on self improvement these last few weeks. I thought I would be happy with all the improvement but I just feel so numb sometimes.

I'll get happy sometimes when I'm with people I like. I think positive relationships shouldn't be neglected, even though you should definitely be focusing mainly on yourself.

But I feel lonely too and I think that's just part of the process.

[deleted] · 2018-06-08T04:53:10+00:00

Being young is tough dude. Just hang in there and keep taking the leaps of faith.

DayGameChirality · 2018-06-08T07:35:34+00:00

Playing an instrument works for loneliness every time. Highly recommended.

aaaGreg · 2018-06-08T05:24:39+00:00

I run about 3 miles after I workout to release the rest of my energy. Also teaching myself piano, etc.

You have to stay busy, transform those busy activities into good habits, and then life falls into place. Everyone gets what your feeling. I think staying busy is the solution.

redblueninja · 2018-06-08T23:54:28+00:00

This helps me

RedMindBlueEyes · 2018-06-08T10:13:58+00:00

Read up on existential loneliness, understand what it is, accept and embrace that it will always be there.

You are alone, you live alone, and you die alone. Regardless of who you surround yourself with. Appreciate people, but don't grow dependent on them. None of them are here for you, only you are here for you.

Also, don't pursue happiness. happiness is a byproduct of achieving something, overcoming enormous obstacles, not a state of mind to be sought after. Grow, and keep on growing, you can wither when you're dead.

JAAM510 · 2018-06-08T12:54:28+00:00

I recently went through a faze like this that lasted for a month. In the end, I literally broke down in front of someone and realized just how important other people are in my life. Yes, we are alone in this life, but that doesn't mean you cant try and obtain a great group of friends and build meaningful relationships that will bring happiness to your life as a byproduct of having them. So I began to focus on these relationships, while still improving myself every day. Don't become so self centered on improvement that you push everyone away.

Also, smile a little more

BeyondAccess · 2018-06-08T11:22:05+00:00

You aren’t alone, I’ve felt the same and I’ve found that having a few intimate relationships help keep you grounded. Humans are social creatures by creation, find out how much social/intimate interaction you need to be satisfied. Some only need an hour a week, others may need more. By intimacy I mean being able to share what’s happening in your life. How much you want to share is up to you, make sure that when you are sharing (emotional investment) a lot it’s with people that want to keep that relationship. i.e. - when you tell someone you got a promotion, their first reaction is being genuinely happy. They’ll want to celebrate because they see that it calls for it. You may not need to be intimate, just social. Find out what works for you. It’s a process.

Keep sane gladiator, godspeed.

Edit: TRP principles still apply.

gains_o_clock · 2018-06-08T11:54:24+00:00

alright bro I know this can be hard and it's probably way easier said than done but what I've learned is you need to fill your day with things that distract you and that you enjoy, so much so that you don't have time to think about the stupid things. If you're feeling lonely go join something that requires you to be around a good group of people like a hobby or a sport or a martial art.

I have the same problem and even though I don't do it everyday, the days where I'm out of the house doing things I love and spending time with good friends are the days I go to bed the happiest. Good luck bro and don't forget to report back we're here to help.

Auvergnat · 2018-06-08T13:10:21+00:00

You need male friends. Connect with guys who have a common interest w you

rice19 · 2018-06-08T08:07:35+00:00

"Eagles fly above, eagles fly alone." Embrace it my friend, it will all be worth it.

SirKolbath · 2018-06-08T05:23:06+00:00

Get a dog. Seriously. There is no animal better than the dog for reminding you that you're not alone, without simultaneously taking up all of your time.

Plus, dogs pull ass like nobody's business. Having a dog in your Tinder profile pic gets you 123.25% more chicks. That'd be science, and you don't want to argue with science, do you?

BusterVadge · 2018-06-08T15:23:44+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you brother... Except I was the one who was dumped after 4 years of LTR. I blocked her on everything and put all of the sentimental stuff away in a box. Doubling down on lifting heavy shit.

I've been so angry and lonely for 2 weeks but met a potential new plate yesterday and I feel a little better now.

My suggestion: Find a plate or two. BUT.... Work on yourself and allow yourself to feel the pain of the breakup. There's no way around it and the pain is part of your healing process that makes you stronger.

mallardcove · 2018-06-08T16:08:10+00:00

This is a real phase that I went through when I called it quits with my LTR as well. Continuing to tell myself "its for the best" and "look how much you have already grown/improved since ending it" and "if you didn't end things with her you wouldn't have accomplished X, Y, or Z" didn't really make me feel any better inside. Despite the leaps I made personally after ending it with her, were probably the largest personal leaps I made since taking the pill. Still didn't really make me feel better. I wasn't depressed or miserable, just felt like something was missing. It wasn't so much her that I missed, it was the companionship, experiences, and always having someone there who cared about you. Yeah you have family and friends who care, but its not the same as having a girl you are attracted to and care about who also cares about you.

Abundance was helpful but didn't solve the problem. Yeah I fired up Tinder and Bumble and went out on dates and smashed girls, but it didn't make me feel better because it was all shallow. The problem that happens when you call it quits with an LTR is that there was a lot of depth involved. There isn't much depth to girls you smash or date a time or two off Tinder.

One girl in particular. Blonde haired, blue eyed, slim body, above average sized tits girl, 24 years old. Solid HB8. Still had a couple prime years left before hitting the wall. Probably more attractive than my ex LTR. We had a lot in common. Not much to not like about her. Tried to make it work. Went out several times, all of that. But the thing is, she didn't have "it". She checked off so many boxes, but she didn't have "it". For every guy, some girls just have "it" for them, and others don't, even if they check off so many boxes. My ex LTR had "it". This blonde didn't, as hot as she was. Every guy should know what I am talking about. You can't really explain what "it" is, but every guy knows what his "it" is when it comes to girls.

Time is really the only thing that is guaranteed to fix it. Then when you find another girl or two or three that you can cultivate the same depth/experiences you did with your ex, and she also has "it", can you truly move on. This too shall pass. From my experiences, 100 days is usually how long it takes.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-06-08T17:02:19+00:00

Your ability and willingness to be alone gives you abundance in EVERY relationship in your life.

Think about it...

trtanon · 2018-06-08T06:33:28+00:00

Well grats on ghosting her. Women will mind rape you non-stop if you allow it at the end of breakups. Despicable creatures.

acala69 · 2018-06-08T11:12:42+00:00

Give it some more time, it's a long period of readjustment and it does get better. For now, you can work on feeling those negative emotions and diving head on into them instead of trying to avoid them. Most people spend their lives avoiding the negative feelings and trying to cultivate the positive. The irony of it is you have an innate ability to rid yourself of the negative feelings if you only stop trying to avoid them. The minute you decide to make your home where you stand as of right now, and decide to accept everything as it is, as if you had chosen this situation, is the minute those negative feelings will dissipate. Best of luck

Donman876 · 2018-06-08T13:00:27+00:00

Relate to this post so much cause I'm literally going through the same thing, ghosted my ex bout a month now and just working on myself. Its best to hang out with friends or do some social activity. The loneliness eventually goes away and you'll start to like being alone.

EvanPetersDouble · 2018-06-08T13:05:44+00:00

You broke up recently. It's normal to feel all these things and by time as you meet new people and connect, to break this loneliness you'll forget about the past.

Just enjoy life and don't let it pass while you're crossing your arms thinking.

mrHappyPotatoe · 2018-06-08T15:33:37+00:00

Being happy is bullshit. You cant be happy. Happiness is temporal feeling. Its an emotion like pain.

What you want is to be content with yourself. Also: being content gives you frame.

Like House once said... I feel nothing and it feels great.

SnowBastardThrowaway · 2018-06-08T17:48:35+00:00

I don't get why you feel the need to be alone I guess. If your ex was your main source of social activity before, that's fairly normal, but she shouldn't have been your ONLY source for it.

What the fuck do I do when I feel so lonely?

Listen to yourself. You feel alone. Start working on finding people to hang out with and develop real friendships with.

Mojiitoo · 2018-06-08T08:44:05+00:00

I take it you still have guy friends? Hangout with them. Have a bbq. Plan a holiday. Do whatever social stuff not involving girls. Or do just that to overcome anger phase. Goodluck.

Killing__Time_ · 2018-06-08T06:06:05+00:00

Find your tribe.

alucard1uk · 2018-06-08T11:19:08+00:00

Go spend sometime with some friends.

imsorted · 2018-06-08T14:12:03+00:00

You need a life term goal, like learning an instrument, or learning to paint.. Build, craft, create.. be the teacher

Ricklogical · 2018-06-08T16:52:15+00:00

I don't get it. One of the things you are supposed to be doing is approaching. IMO approach men and women that are around you on your journey. You should develop some friendships over time. This new you has a whole new community of people to lean on, you just need to go out there and approach.

adool999 · 2018-06-08T18:12:34+00:00

Get Tinder, Bumble, and POF. Volunteer for shit. Join sports. Go to events.

throwinghthisoneaway · 2018-06-08T11:30:48+00:00

This will get downvoted into hell but read the bible. Join a college aged church. There is more evidence today than ever before of the truth of god through jesus

Title	Feeling Alone
Author	Donny577
Upvotes	41
Comments	61
Date	June 8, 2018 4:22 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8pgzo0/feeling_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/feeling-alone.761 https://theredarchive.com/post/761

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