I Can't Change Myself

vacuu · 2014-05-03T21:42:47+00:00

Stopping those dopamine rushes will give you more self-control, which will translate into willpower which can be directed to any area of your choosing. As long as you're controlled by external impulses, you have little free will.

Midwest_misogynist · 2014-05-03T21:31:16+00:00

Honestly nothing I tell you is going to help you but I'll say it anyway.

Only you can decide to stop being mediocre and put yourself on the path of success.

There is no one secret trick to self improvement. Stop looking for the shortcut and start making sacrifices. You're trying to use external motivation as your drive... that's the way parents motivate children. A TRP man motivates himself and forges his own path.

If you want to escape from the hole you have created in your own mind all you have to do is make the choice. Thinking that change will come any other way is mental masturbation.

RedMindBlueEyes · 2014-05-03T22:23:43+00:00

Most people are uncapable of change, of progressing. Usually, something changes people, events which affect them. The inner motivation and capability to drive yourself into actual change is rare.

If I were you, I´d consider myself lucky. While you´re a pretty static person, you probably haven´t had "lifechanging" negative experiences which force your hand.

You´re mediocre, just like most people. And there´s evidently nothing you can do about it. And unless life serves you a screwball or two, you´re not gonna get anywhere.

Warrior666 · 2014-05-03T22:58:03+00:00

I think I have kind of the same problem. I can put huge effort in things.... as long as I love them, e.g. making music. Luckily, my work also belongs to the things that I love doing.

But I can't bring myself to do things consistently that I dislike, but that need to be done nevertheless. For instance, opening my (physical) mailbox frequently and not just once every two months. My whole life is a chaotic mess because of things like that.

Here's the thing: I know I can change myself, but it takes forever. I try to change a handful of things each time, and if I'm lucky, one of the attempted things.... don't get stuck, but get a little easier each time I try.

So my advice is, don't demand unrealistic things of yourself. Don't punish yourself. Think small steps. Accept that it will take a long time until you're there. As long as you keep trying, you'll eventually make it.

EDIT: This advice is meant only for those who have these extreme kinds of self-control problems, not for the rest of you!

youssarian · 2014-05-03T23:36:19+00:00

Presumably you're an adult. By now due to genetics and upbringing who you are is fundamentally set. You'll never be a native speaker in a new language, you'll never become a professional athlete in a sport you've never done, you'll never win a fields medal if you failed high school math, etc.

It's futile to try to completely re-invent yourself. It's much better to honestly assess your strengths and weaknesses and focus on getting great at what you're already good at.

What people are good at are things they're genetically disposed towards and did a lot as children. Children naturally do the things they enjoy and get good at them, so these activities that you can get great at should also be what you enjoy doing. For me it's almost impossible to focus on boring tasks, i.e. ones I have never had any interest in, but interesting ones, the ones I've always enjoyed, I happily pursue for hours.

There are many paths to happiness, and the most efficient way is different for everyone.

hringmisual · 2014-05-04T03:45:55+00:00

30 days of discipline

FloranHunter · 2014-05-04T04:00:29+00:00

Focus on changing your external stimuli. vacuu mentioned nofap and paleo, which are good, but you can also change your environment by removing distractions from your work desk, emptying your fridge of shit food, etc.

Most of willpower is focus control and most of focus control is avoiding distractions in the first place.

CptDefB · 2014-05-04T04:05:43+00:00

I read your title.

It's a lie.

/r/keto is great for weight loss (can also mix with /r/paleo)... I mean, they even have Progress Pic Friday. Go there, get some food education, and get motivated. We are all horribly mislead when it comes to food (so the USDA et al can make $$). Gaining and losing weight is not tremendously difficult if you pay attention before chewing.

Hell, I watched these videos today... I can make you food smarter in about 3h, while using a very educated and eloquent person to do so.

1: https://www.youtube.com/dBnniua6-oM

2: http://youtu.be/ceFyF9px20Y

"I can't change myself."?

Bullshit.

Keep doing nothing. Less competition is nice. Sounds awful, but this hating on yourself, this "can't do", "can't do"... bro, fuck that shit.

Humble_harpdarp · 2014-05-04T14:12:08+00:00

Stop seeking pleasure or comfort. Confidence come from achievement, which will only happen if you step out of your comfort zone. Start with small changes, start telling yourself what you're going to do and then do it. Break whatever pattern of life you have, change it up as much as possible. Lift. Get hobbies and skills. Study a new language. Actions are the way to change yourself, you can't think your personality away, you need to build a new one.

Modified_Hackware · 2014-05-03T21:57:11+00:00

Nothing seems to be working because you're bone idle.

Don't change, makes my life that much easier.

Title	I Can't Change Myself
Author	youssarian
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	May 3, 2014 9:16 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/24nbzj/i_cant_change_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-cant-change-myself.139649 https://theredarchive.com/post/139649

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