LTR pushing for more.

SkorchZang · 2017-05-25T12:56:18+00:00

Yes she will.

This is one of those things in life where you recognize it's "zero sum". Her game is getting you to commit. If she wins, you lose. And vice versa.

Moving herself in is the classic, classic way this plays out and you're resisting it for good reason. Women do this without even considering the consequences, they're practically dooming the relationship to die, but they don't care. The sarcastic way to look at it is: she gotta get that ring.

But if you ask me, it's even more sinister, it's not even the ring or the wedding they want, what they really-really truly want is that the relationshit has to always be moving toward more and more commitment, more and more enslavement for you, more and more benfits for her. More, more, more! That is a woman's nature, you can only postpone or maneuver round that "more", never completely eradicate it.

You give her the ring and the wedding, it's still going to be the same story, except now she'll be resentful that there doesn't seem to be anything more to get, and that she's stuck with a dud who turned out uninteresting, didn't put up much of a resistance, and ran out fast.

It's good to be perfectly clear about it in your mind like this. So you don't end up fighting with her over it or trying to rationalize it out with her. She is not here to give you your fair share of anything. It's more, more, more that they all want, and the only thing slowing her down is your game. She's telling you shit while drunk that she secretly thinks while sober.

At some point you will get a point blank ultimatum and will have to walk away, to let someone else have their turn. But by being nimble, charming and never taking those demands seriously as something she's owed (for some weird fucking reason women will make you think that, and feel guilt over it too if you're not delivering), you can postpone it for a long time.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-05-25T12:58:22+00:00

she asks when are we going to move in together.

When it's the nursing home.

Guillz · 2017-05-25T12:50:40+00:00

Then dont commit? Doesnt look like youre that invested into her either, so worst case scenario you break up after she notices how much pussy shes giving out vs how much commitment shes getting in return (0) and you can just go about your life and become a better guy

Docbear64 · 2017-05-25T14:40:14+00:00

Seeing her 3 times a week practically feels like you're married? I think you misunderstand what marriage and moving in is . That means for 7 days and we'll assume at least 10 hours a day she will occupy the same space as you do and the same space you have will be hers . Marriage implies you are now a single entity with co-ownership responsibilities and intertwined financial and legal obligations ot each other.

Don't fool yourself , She's supposed to want marriage , she wouldn't be a normal woman if she didn't however this question is about you , your life, and your desires. IF you don't see how moving in will make you happy or improve your relationship don't , and even if you do I've heard too many men who did that still say DON'T. Things are good now and they will never be perfect enjoy what you have ( and she should too).

quicklogaccount · 2017-05-25T14:30:16+00:00

Uuuhhhhh. She is right there bro.

Why is it that you are in an LTR?
Because you want the LTR's outcome, which is moving in and having kids. And you know what it means: You'll be forever busting your arse not to get betafyied, bust it some more to keep things running smooth while she pressures you into an arrangement that simply sucks really bad for you, and you'll ALWAYS be in angst because you're locked and can't pursue other chicks, it's against your nature.
Why is that you're dating her?
Because you believe she makes up for the incredible hassle that an LTR is. You believe she is good enough to make up for you busting your ass forever to keep things running smooth AND getting used to the angst monogamy brings. You must have her in pretty high esteem.
Why to move in?
Because each step towards MORE commitment makes everything harder for you. More angst, more hassle, harder to prevent betafying. And unlike your grandparents, you won't have the pressure of raising children anytime soon and you don't need marriage to access sex. It's only rational to take each step individually to reassess whether she and the relationship are still enough. On each new step you have to be more aware that probably you'll need to end things.
And things don't get "better" with more time, unless you change how you act. Each new step is take the step, take blow, adapt (ideally you find the least frustrating arrangement so things are still worth it after the step), verify stability of the arrangement. More time in stability doesn't "make things better", more time makes you used to crappy stuff and allows more scarcity to kick in and make you believe things are worth it. The adaptation period doesn't take two years, you've been stable as you are for a while. You already know the catch.

So. She's right. If you disagree with any of that above, you already committed for very wrong reasons and should break up. If you AGREE, it's time to take a new step as procrastinating only screws you both. Bear in mind her clock is ticking, a lot faster than yours.

Now, my take here is based on you saying this:

I feel like this girl is just going to drag on my life if I move in, in fact I know she will.

You already know she won't be good enough for one more step. You know it because things are either barely good enough for the stage you're in, or most likely, it is not good enough for it and things are already frustrating.
You should either change the arrangement into one that fits you and shows potential and then readapt, or you should break up / have broken up long ago.

Now, you probably should go with the break up. Changing the arrangement is INCREDIBLY tiresome. I can't point a single guy that did it and kept the girl unless he was DEEP in scarcity -which is a really pathetic reason and makes up for a pathetic couple or a cuck- or had strong external motivations, such as kids or lots of money in a divorce.
Every guy here, every guy I know (myself among them) only did it to find out it was still not worth it and broke up afterwards.

LosBuratnos · 2017-05-25T15:17:48+00:00

Bad sign.

She was doing the same for me after 2 years. I resisted, relationship collapsed.

brinkleybuzz · 2017-05-25T16:27:27+00:00

She's at the age where her internal " I need to lock down a man" clock is ticking and it looks like her plan is to do it incrementally. First she moves in. Then she starts pushing for marriage and/or a kid. Next is a house with a mortgage. Next thing you know it's 10 years later and you've got a beer gut and a couple of kids that you're shuttling back and forth to soccer games.

If that's what you want, then cool ... your life, your call. If you don't want to be locked down though, it's time to start considering life without your current girl because she's probably on the hunt for a hubby or will be soon.

1Maverick1 · 2017-05-25T18:36:17+00:00

Dude. This chick sounds like the type that would have you watch her bang some other dude in front of you. Do you get what I mean?

Women can't assert their dominance over us physically, that's our job. But they can slowly (like water over rock) whittle us down over time until we finally have a giant hole in our soul. This chick clearly thinks she is better than you. You either need to get out or make her realize you're much MUCH better than her. You don't need her to live an amazing life.

7Fig · 2017-05-25T20:24:25+00:00

This is a natural event to happen. Men are the gate keepers of commitment and women of sex. She's probably been giving you her power in hopes of you turning over yours.

Don't do it. You are right where you are supposed to be. Use amused mastery and dismiss the question with humor each time. If she really pushes just take off for a bit and go flirt with other women.

Remember as soon as she moves in there is a huge power shift. Co habitation is only beneficial for women.

1NV0K3R · 2017-05-25T15:03:48+00:00

I feel like this girl is just going to drag on my life

OK, she probably drags on your life now yeah?

If I move in

How is it mutually exclusive to moving in? why has this gone on two years?

boardrider73 · 2017-05-25T18:53:08+00:00

Recently lost my LTR because she wanted to move in after only 6 months. It was hard as fuck to let her go but I really had no choice. I am 43, recently divorced, and have my 8 yr. old son 5x/week. No damn way I am putting him or myself through any of that shit again. It's been hard im not gonna lie. I had feelings for her and I still miss her. With that said, it's better for her to be free also. She should have the freedom to find a BB or blue pill guy who wants his turn. If you even think you shouldn't cohabit. then you should always trust your instincts and move on.

hbPUA · 2017-05-25T19:52:44+00:00

I've been with my LTR for two years and about two-three months ago she started being more overt in her communication.

One month ago she gave me one year to decide if I want to live with her... I told her up front that I love her. And if her most important thing is to move in (and get a married and family since her friends are and she is getting old), she should find a guy to do that with. Her response "but I only want you."

Multiple things going on here and how I handle it:

I talk with new girls every day to spin more plates to have more options when this eventually will break.
she is running out of time (her own words) and must lock down a nice guy to settle down with.
Look at her family, how is her mother and father? Brother? Her father is quiet and have no opinion while his wife speaks over him when I ask him some deeper questions. Her brother is tired from over work, kids and probably debt.
I understand that trp sexual strategy is amoral. If I would commit to her, my life would be worse off in the long run. As in this year.

Enjoy it as long as it last, you might only have six month left. Make the necessary preparations to either be alone for awhile, or have another girl (or three) ready to meet.

Pigfucker_Mohammed · 2017-05-25T20:10:07+00:00

Why are you wasting this woman's childbearing years if you have no long term prospects with her? That's cruel. Dump her yesterday.

Title	LTR pushing for more.
Author	yuask_90
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	May 25, 2017 12:47 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6d9drr/ltr_pushing_for_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-pushing-for-more.91630 https://theredarchive.com/post/91630

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