Need advice on moving forward

Gtrplyr3838 · 2021-01-06T04:23:02+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. No son should ever have to experience something like that. A few months is not enough time. It will likely take you years to heal from the trauma and loss, and the hurt won’t ever completely go away. But you learn to live with it. Don’t run away from the grief. You have to experience it and go through it all to move forward.

Life isn’t fair and can deal you some bad shit. But when it’s time, you must move forward and strive to improve yourself. Make your Dad proud.

fushiguro_megumi · 2021-01-06T05:04:57+00:00

Give yourself time to heal. Don't be afraid of surfacing feelings, and let it all out when you have to. Otherwise, you could get sick in the noggin.

It took me about 15 years to process my mother's death (she passed away when I was 15). I was left without tools to face reality, but now I have clearer perspective of myself and reality. I'm moving forward now, trying to become a better man. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you can process that sort of trauma healthily.

Relaxredditrockstar · 2021-01-06T04:09:36+00:00

Damn. Some things only time will heal.

Zimzazim · 2021-01-06T08:22:05+00:00

Bro, put your ego aside and talk to a professional. This is some traumatizing stuff.

faithfamilyfootball · 2021-01-06T05:05:36+00:00

Time my friend. Let yourself feel the emotions, process them, and be patient with yourself. Sorry fir you and your family

yaboijimbo123 · 2021-01-06T05:37:18+00:00

Take small steps towards being productive. Do 5 pushups if you want to workout, If you want to clean pick up some clothes, just start small. Do your best to stop negative feedback loops and improve. I’m so sorry for what you went through. Be unafraid to say how you feel, and don’t try to fill the void. Let yourself heal. Good luck brother. Feel free to talk to me if you need to

K3ystr0k3 · 2021-01-06T05:18:32+00:00

How old are you, brother?

cluelessguitarist · 2021-01-06T05:25:14+00:00

Start by doing what you can, consistent small steps will take you far bro, also use a journal and have small daily goals, just do the things even if they are not perfect, life is hard and so it takes practice to achieve a good one too. One step at a time, and dont compare with others, be grounded and be consistent, consistent on doing what you can, dont depend on the results but on doing the best you can in the giving moment, losing a father is a big hit but things will get better if you are consistent, have faith in yourself.

Ill-Bag · 2021-01-06T05:27:01+00:00

Genuinely sorry to hear about this , man.

As corny as it sounds, time really is the best healer. Try to keep occupied with PRODUCTIVE things, bro. This should keep you 'idle' for when you're ready and in a position to start kicking butt again.

Nooshy108 · 2021-01-06T07:11:53+00:00

Sorry for your loss dude, that's some heavy shit. I also went through a dark period last year with the passing of someone close and I know the feeling.

It made me re-evaluate a lot of things in my life and one thing which truly impacted me positively was stumbling upon Stoic school of thought/philosophies, I would urge you to look into it as their philosophy is the ultimate red pill on life.

It's allowed me to reframe my mindset and has equipped me a framework to understand the unfortunate events which take place in life, I would strongly recommend. Hope things work out for you, and remember to keep your chin up, you'll get through this.

Tiway22 · 2021-01-06T06:08:36+00:00

Sorry to hear about that man. It’s truly awful. Time will help you heal, but knowing that crazy stupid shit happens in this life is a part of everything... we have to take it head on and survive. We all die. We all have horrible shit happen to us. I’m not trying to discount your situation at all, but as men we have the ability to accept it and move on to becoming stronger for overcoming adversity.

Rhyat250 · 2021-01-06T06:40:17+00:00

Therapy and stay close to love one and pray

Micro_Peanuts · 2021-01-06T06:18:02+00:00

I'm so sorry man, it's normal for you to be feeling this way right now. It will naturally take you time to bounce back, but you will. Make sure you embrace your feelings about this. Get them out and process them, this will help a lot and speed your recovery. Mourn good, it will make you stronger afterward.

Gamedragon345 · 2021-01-06T06:19:07+00:00

Like what the others say, I'm gonna give a proverb, "by accumulating dust one can create a mountain." When I weaned myself off junk food, I started eating less and less, each time, until it was nothing.

MichaelLifeLessons · 2021-01-06T10:18:41+00:00

Are you in counselling brother?

Ash_thearcher · 2021-01-06T10:25:09+00:00

Go see a ptsd therapist. That’s the best thing to do for something like this.

kclanton80 · 2021-01-06T14:54:21+00:00

What happened to you was horrible. No one should have to deal with that.

The thing is though....you have to stop telling yourself that you are damaged from it and can't move on. You also have to stop letting others treat you as if your damaged and you can't move on.

We are all representations of our beliefs, and you need to change what you believe about yourself. You can have a happy rewarding life if you BELIEVE you can. You have to change that story in your mind that keeps telling you that you cannot move on.

When your mind starts with that shit....tell your mind(ego) to shut the fuck up. Your mind always wants to lead you down the safe path, and the path of least resistance. The path of comfort....

Your stuck in this mode because its easier and you have a built in excuse to continue experiencing life the way you currently are.

Life is in session my friend! There are no do overs as far as we know, and you have to get this one chance right. You cannot allow yourself to be a victim for any longer. Decide to close that chapter of your life and then STICK TO IT.

Change the narrative about your life. You are not the guy who was forever damaged by tragedy, you are the guy who allowed a tragedy in his life to push him towards great things.

It's just that simple. Change the story, change your beliefs about who you are, and how such an event SHOULD affect someone(it's a decision). Use it as motivation to make your father proud of who you can become. That's what he would want for you.

He would not want you feeling defeated. So start with some small changes and build some positive momentum. Hopefully you are lifting, or exercising. If not.... This is where you start. One of the only areas in life where you automatically get out of it exactly what you put in.

Good luck to you! Once you decide you can do it. It's done....just decide....

psychopeon · 2021-01-06T15:00:30+00:00

You need to mourn. Take the time to reflect on the time you had with your father, the kind of man he was, and the savage nature of the events that took place. Reading also helps, as well as being with your family and helping them through the grieving process.

It's different for everyone, but eventually you'll know when it's time to move forward and get a move on life. It's alright to mourn for a bit - It took me a couple of years to truly process my own parents death. Staying productive is a task, and it helps to find a system that'll keep you accountable - whether that's being a source of emotional strength for your siblings, choosing to honor your father by chasing your goals, or straight up muscling through a to-do list, you gotta find what works for you.

You'll find yourself going through all sorts of emotions (as I'm sure you're experiencing), from being sad, to being angry at them, to laughing at something they did once...it's important to feel those emotions and go through those memories because that's what we have left of them.

Hope this helps, and my condolences to you and your family. Cheers.

willthedj · 2021-01-06T10:06:31+00:00

They say a man doesn't really become a man until his father dies

Jdamoftruth · 2021-01-06T11:04:21+00:00

First, I can't imagine seeing that, sorry for your loss.

Second, therapy, therapy, therapy as in right now. I'd also look at mdma assisted therapy through maps.org as it sounds like depression/possibly some form of ptsd.

babadiboom · 2021-01-06T12:19:03+00:00

try to sleep at night. sounds basic but try to go to bed at a fixed time and wake up in the early mornings with the sun. While going to bed, whatever thoughts come - just tell it "tomorrow morning I will deal with the thoughts". Sleep is the most essential thing you need. I know it is easy for me to say, and how difficult it is for you. You will find your way. Dont do drugs/alcohol/narcotics.
I am very sorry for your loss. There are no whatifs- my best wishes with you

Meloxian · 2021-01-06T13:23:10+00:00

Sounds like the start of an action movie fam, go John wick on their ass

Nergaal · 2021-01-06T14:43:54+00:00

Accept that some people win at lottery and some lose at lottery. Go lift

anonanonanon7770 · 2021-01-06T15:20:02+00:00

Use the pain, the anger, the hurt, the confusion, the trauma. Use it to become something. Channel the pain into something extraordinary, create something of value, aggressively pursue your dreams, embody greatness. Never settle for mediocrity, never rest. Become a fucking ubermensch

What you witnessed is horrifying, no son should ever have to witness something like that, but what's to say that the trauma you experience as a consequence is inherently bad? Before I get downvoted to shit think of the pain as a fertile breeding ground for greatness. Mental stability and comfort never motivated anyone to do anything.

Find one thing you always wanted to do and pursue it relentlessly, pursue it with all the fury and rage in the world. With unmatched aggression. This is the beginning of something truly great. Good luck brother, see it as a blessing

King-in-the-making · 2021-01-06T18:34:07+00:00

Jesus. I’m terribly sorry for your loss OP. That’s some pretty devastating shit.

First and foremost, get a therapist if you don’t have one, a male one. You really don’t realize how much talking to someone openly and freely can get you get moving again.

Secondly, with all of your will, DO NOT regret anything that could’ve been said, could’ve been done, or done differently with your father. Think of the good times you had as bad as it stings right now, it’ll help in the long run. He loved you, and you loved him, don’t read anything past that.

Last. Don’t live in the past or future, live presently. Your dad wouldn’t like seeing you like this. Start baby stepping your old life back, honoring your father. If you want to start lifting again but can’t will your self out of the house, go for a little walk outside the block. Do 5 push ups. Anything small to get you ticking closer to an upwards spiral.

Good chance you have some repressed rage inside you because of this. Get angry. Anger is so potent when funneled the right way. Use your anger as a catalyst to get you out of this funk. Your walk around the block will turn into a 3 mile run, your push ups you will do to failure.

Honor yourself and more importantly, your father. The hurt will take time to get through, but let’s get you moving bro.

Go kick some ass.

ipwnedx · 2021-01-06T22:11:57+00:00

I have no advice but I just would like to give my condolences. I’m so sorry to hear that happened. I wish you and your family the best

illihuikbar · 2021-01-06T06:11:13+00:00

Buy a gun , read your Bible, do body weight exercises then transition to weights

Title	Need advice on moving forward
Author	BenDoberman
Upvotes	112
Comments	40
Date	January 6, 2021 4:04 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/krfv96/need_advice_on_moving_forward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/need-advice-on-moving-forward.735419 https://theredarchive.com/post/735419

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