Plate accusing me of just 'using' her

EatGainsFartGains · 2018-11-19T22:31:38+00:00

She's not a plate. She's giving you entirely too many problems for someone who isn't even giving you some ass.

Fulp_Piction · 2018-11-19T22:38:36+00:00

Learn the difference between overt and covert communication, she knows where her house is.

GrimlyStoic · 2018-11-19T21:53:52+00:00

She was asking if she could sleep at your house after a party, she wanted to fuck you after the party. The whole no sex thing was bull shit. Should of just said she could.

monkey_typist · 2018-11-19T22:46:34+00:00

Sometimes they're just dangling the carrot because they want the attention. It is entirely possible that she just wanted to stay over and be attended to and not have sex. Then you did the right thing. That's exactly what I would have done.

Now if you do give her the benefit of the doubt, then maybe it was just her anti-slut defense, where she wanted sex but can't say it. While that's possible, personally I don't like to play these kind of games. If this is how she plays, that's fine, we're not compatible, we'll go our separate ways. I'm sure I've missed opportunities because of this and other fairly common behavior (I also don't put up with women playing hard to get). But I'm not going for whoever sleeps with the most number of women wins. And there's always the next woman. So I don't mind missed opportunities. In fact, I'm a huge proponent of multi-dating. Whether it works out or not, you should be seeing other women at the same time regardless, unless you are ready for a serious commitment.

But since she didn't give you the benefit of the doubt (automatically assumed you're using her), I don't feel you need to give her the benefit of the doubt either, so I stand by my original assessment that she's just dangling the carrot.

With that said, maybe some people like to play this game, or maybe they do want to sleep the most number of women. Then by all means invite her over for no-sex sleep over and try to pull it off. Personally for me it's not worth the trouble. As much as I like women I don't want to make them the center piece of my life.

But they way she responded, that's a big red flag. She seems pretty defensive. Even if her action was justified because the last asshole guy humped and dumped her, the fact that it's your turn now just means you are at the wrong place and wrong time to pay the price for what the previous guys did. This is called emotional baggage, and we all have them. The trick is to not be the one on the receiving end. I would drop her if I were you and work on the next woman. But if you want to reason with her, which is entirely way to much effort for a plate, here's an angle you can try.

You're not using her for sex because you are totally fine with just dating and not having sex until she's ready, as long as you two are enjoying each other's company. You just draw the line at spending the night because you don't want to take sex lightly.

Whether true or not doesn't matter, this is a response to convince her you're not just using her. If you are really just using her then you have to navigate this lie with your own conscience. Personally I don't like to use lies to get women, but then again, that's just me. Everyone's game is different.

You should have used this angle to begin with, and not "unless you have sex with me you're not allowed to stay over." Most women would balk at that statement, although when you do meet someone that genuinely is interested in you they will work with this. You have no idea how much leeway a woman will give you if she likes you. Anyway, you have to spin it with flowers and rainbows. That's how you talk to women. "It's because I don't take sex lightly. It's because you're one of the most beautiful women I've met and I don't know if I can keep my hands off of you." Are you barfing on the inside? Yes? Then you're doing a good job. This is what women like to hear, statements that elicit inner barfs.

But, meh, go find anther one. But I suppose trying to recover this one could be a good exercise. Like everything dealing with dating and sex, never be outcome dependent (easier said than done, but it's a goal). Whether you get her or not, as long as you learned something, it's a win, then go out and hit on a bunch of other women. No matter how you slice and dice it, quantity is key to success.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2018-11-20T05:12:07+00:00

“We’re not going to fuck” = “ i’m thinking about fucking you.”

Grimmrhow · 2018-11-19T22:46:31+00:00

You are losing your frame my friend, be the rock, either shes testing you or she got issues. You call dude, stay or find another.

Chadster113 · 2018-11-20T00:13:23+00:00

Look up "plate management" on the main sub! I've never came across this situation but its probably something you can turn around assuming you've already fucked her.

mistermeanmistermean · 2018-11-20T01:06:40+00:00

You don't say yes. You don't say no. You call her a plate, but you forget to keep her spinning...

Classy_Amir · 2018-11-19T22:18:24+00:00

I'd be careful as rape accusation might follow..

AWorseManThanYou · 2018-11-20T02:25:26+00:00

Say “sure” next time. She just needs an excuse.

boy_named_su · 2018-11-20T04:11:43+00:00

"I've got enough friends. Let's just see what happens"

effyouasshole · 2018-11-20T04:18:27+00:00

she asked me if she could sleep at my house even if we didnt have sex.

"Nope." Don't provide an explanation.

This lead her to go full bananas telling me that i only want her for her pussy and shit like that.

Laugh, ignore, lie, AA, AM. You've got a bunch of options as long as you don't enter her frame.

What do? Own it or make up a story?

Depends on what you want. If you're the morally flexible type, and you want to just get in her pants, you can lie and say you're not just in it for sex. Then continue escalating until you either get what you want, or a hard rejection.

Or you can use the other tactics to dodge the issue. She may drop the subject, and have sex with you.

Whatever happens, as long as you maintain frame, abundance mentality, and outcome-independence, you'll be fine.

HurricaneHugues · 2018-11-20T17:30:33+00:00

How is she a plate if you haven't even fucked her ONCE?

Title	Plate accusing me of just 'using' her
Author	EatGainsFartGains
Upvotes	7
Comments	31
Date	November 19, 2018 9:37 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9yl9lp/plate_accusing_me_of_just_using_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/plate-accusing-me-of-just-using-her.54181 https://theredarchive.com/post/54181

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