Suicide?

vengefully_yours · 2014-10-23T14:32:09+00:00

Call the hotlines if you're contemplating it.

I live with those thoughts, they come around every day, with stress it's more frequent and insistent. I've been living with suicidal thoughts since I was 8 or 9, let's say I've had a very shifty life for someone born in the USA. I have PTSD, and other fun mental challenges stemming from severe abuse and neglect. I've known from an early age that I am alone in the world.

Why do I keep living? I've been divorce raped, fucked over, live with chronic pain, nightmares and horrible memories from two wars, my family doesn't give a shit about me and they never wanted me around, and every relationship I've had has ended the same way. I've been homeless while active duty, completely broke despite being employed.

I'm still here.

The reason why is because fuck them. This is my time, my life, and ever since I got big enough to stop the abuse by beating the fuck out of them, all the shit I've been through has been my choice. I chose to enlist, I chose to get married twice, I choose to live in the woods with my dogs and fuck random bitches for a month or two then find another. There are still things I want to do. Places I want to go. Bitches I want to fuck, but mostly I'm still here because I am meaner, tougher, and stronger than everything that has tried to kill me or fuck me up.

I have cars I want to build, things I want to know, information I want to discover, projects I want to complete and refine. I don't give a fuck if life has meaning, if anyone gives a shit, I don't ponder why am I here, what is my purpose. I think about what I am going to do tomorrow, what I am doing today, planning to build a fast car this winter on a tight budget, and right now I'm putting up a small shed to work in. I do things for ME, for MY benefit and enjoyment. I live for myself, fuck everyone else. If they want to tag along and enjoy with me, I don't mind. Fuck me over or use me and they're fucking gone from my life, because it's my life.

The key in all of that is "I" it's about me and what I want. Nothing else matters.

Live for you, the struggle makes you stronger and tougher. I'm 45 and the meanest, toughest mother fucker you will meet, if you piss me off. Be cool and we can go for a cruise in my GTO, but challenges and bullshit that needs to be done is part of life. It's not easy, and being good at something, learning and getting stronger takes resistance and adversity, otherwise why bother improving at all?

If its worth having, it's worth working to get, and no women are not worth having, they have their own lives and will follow their noses with no regard for yours. You can't control other people's thoughts, wants, desires, and they will decide on their own. You have to do the same thing. They live for themselves, you should too. It's hard, but men do difficult shit all the time, it's our nature.

Edit - because this new tablet has a smaller vocabulary than a seven year old, so it changes shit.

Modified_Hackware · 2014-10-23T14:12:32+00:00

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Yes, I have been suicidal a couple of times and looking back my stance on that is"What the fuck was I thinking?".

You're already part of the lucky few if you have access to a computer and internet - work upwards from there.

BrunoOh · 2014-10-23T13:23:47+00:00

Call a suicide hotline.

CalvinHobb3s · 2014-10-23T17:19:31+00:00

I've considered it. I'll probably go through with it within the next year or so.

I don't want to live the rest of my life having to answer to some ass at work while doing tedious labor where I have no creative input. I don't want to have to drive home every day to my shitty apartment. I don't want to have to pay bills every month. I don't want to have to behave a certain way because that's the societal standard at the time. I don't want to have to do the same old song and dance for women or whoever else. I don't want to have to drown my misery in bullshit meaningless media like videogames, movies, or the internet.

The point? That's a good question. There is no point. 10,000 years ago we would have believed there was a point. We'd have been born into some tribe that worships several deities. Every day we'd do difficult labor that is directly connected to our survival. Every day would be a struggle. Every day would have meaning. That sure as hell beats the shit out of looking forward to Civilization: Beyond Earth because my life is so fucking empty.

All of the empty, self-help nonsense in the world can't solve this problem.

StasisNation · 2014-10-23T14:09:57+00:00

Well ill tell you now that if you were guaranteed a happy, safe, secure life and a woman who cant get enough of you in as little as 6 months, you sure as hell wouldn't be considering this suicide crap.

Call the number already posted and get your life in order.

ibuprofiend · 2014-10-23T14:27:12+00:00

I'd guess most of us have at some point. You're not alone.

vandaalen · 2014-10-23T15:06:52+00:00

Yes. Pretty often about 8 years ago. I was at a very dark place.

I was very close to becoming homeless, very close to being an alcoholic, depressed to a point where I couldn't even take care of myself anymore, living something close to a messy-life and didn't even take care of my personal hygiene anymore at all. It was even a big fight to get up and go get something to eat.

I am not going to lie, that it was easy getting out of there, but I did. Believe me, when I say: "If I could, everybody can." This includes you.

As stated here before, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You've got your whole life in front of you to fix whatever you think is unfixable.

Do yourself and the people close to you a favour and call a suicide hotline, or talk to somebody close to you. It will help a big deal to empty your heart and talk to somebody about the dark place you are at at this moment.

Xen0morph-- · 2014-10-23T23:43:50+00:00

Take a look at Albert Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus, it's helped me through some very dark times.

This life is meaningless (or absurd, as Camus would say); however, it is possible to find meaning in our struggle against the absurd. Suicide is simply a foolish option, which you will understand after reading Camus' arguments in the essay.

Don't have time to read a book of philosophy? Read the Wikipedia article, at least--it will help.

Man's Search for Meaning (Viktor Frankl) is another book that helped me. A particularly good quote from that one: "Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose."

Whatever the circumstances are that led you here, fuck 'em. Find what gives you purpose, and pursue it with a singular passion. Soon enough, you won't want to die anymore.

Women, by the way, do not provide a man with purpose.

MaunaLoona · 2014-10-23T17:44:31+00:00

There is no point. The only meaning in life is what you make for yourself. Suicide is an option and will always remain an option. Let me ask you this -- why now rather than later?

LineOfCoke · 2014-10-23T20:57:29+00:00

I am committing suicide, I'm just not being a dramatic faggot about it. I'm doing it by eating and drinking myself to an early grave. Having a bit of fun along the way, and if at some point shit gets better I can change my ways and salvage some life. Also no ones in my shot intervening and trying to get me help.

itsxeno · 2014-10-23T20:11:03+00:00

If you're gonna be a bitch about it, go to /r/foreveralone. We work on our problems here.

Reddthrown · 2014-10-23T14:09:17+00:00

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Parabolix · 2014-10-23T15:12:20+00:00

Check my profile history. There will be several posts till about pages 3 one rambling about dysthymia, be it my reflection and/or experience. Mental illness is...well. In an abstract way, both anything and everything.

niftykettles · 2014-10-23T16:20:46+00:00

There is no point. Just try to go out and do whats best for yourself.

[deleted] · 2014-10-23T16:21:42+00:00

Good on you for reaching out for help. We can't make your problems go away but I can tell you that the only certain thing in life is change. Shit will get better, you can make shit better. Don't end it, reach out for a professional or someone who can help. Don't do it man.

cocaine_face · 2014-10-23T16:26:22+00:00

Progress is difficult and takes time.

When I was suicidal (not allowed out of the house by my mother, no job, money or friends - this was at the age of 16), I wanted to give up, but resolved to not quit and just get through it.

13 years later, I'm making decent money, have a relatively rewarding career (which gives me skills that help me out in life generally), I have pretty good success with women and fun hobbies.

Life is what you make of it. Find a way (chemical or therapeutic) to deal with your mental illness, and improve your life. Results take time, but are worth it.

And I'm not sure what you mean about, "redpill not working" - if you're lonely and can't find a woman, keep at it. It took me almost two years before I got decent at PUA, and even then I still had a bunch to learn.

binrobinro · 2014-10-23T18:02:06+00:00

There's no point. You work, and you die.

mordanus · 2014-10-23T19:20:48+00:00

The point is you are given an opportunity to make something with your life. It sounds like you are overwhelmed with your life and that you are despairing. Do not let that get to you. Pick your easiest thing to fix about yourself and fix it. Then onto your new easiest thing to fix and fix it. Don't let it bury you. If you need someone to chat with I'm here for pm's if you want.

ConfidenceMatters · 2014-10-24T04:11:44+00:00

HOW DONT YOU WANT TO HAVE HOT BITCHES FIGHT FOR YOU AND WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES?

dregofsociety · 2014-10-24T08:04:44+00:00

Bro, I've been in the dumps before, with a box of clothes and a dollar to my name. Tons of debt, no formal education and a felony.. but I know that one day I will die.. so suicide is pointless.. because I know death will one day greet me. So I just wait for death to come on its own terms and in the meantime I get to see another day.. whether good or bad.. but its another day to start over. The bad part about suicide is that you don't get to see what happens next.

mooseman44 · 2014-10-24T13:29:49+00:00

Hi thanks for all your support. I was in a dark place yesterday, have been for the past month and it's mostly due to a female. I tell you, they will fuck with your head and make you feel like the most worthless piece of garbage if you let them.

My only advice, live for yourself and do what makes you happy. Women will never make you happy, trust me.

See this thread too. http://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2k703d/lost_frame_for_the_last_time/

redwormcharlie · 2014-10-23T19:02:40+00:00

Only the bravest people kill themselves. Imagine the courage needed to pull it off. Most of us just sit around and think about it as a possible solution and never go through with it.

So my advice? Pull the trigger or shut up about it and go live your life.

satoshi_btc · 2014-10-24T12:39:29+00:00

wait 5 years and decide again.

Title	Suicide?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	46
Date	October 23, 2014 1:09 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2k3bj8/suicide/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/suicide.193703 https://theredarchive.com/post/193703

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