What's the difference between being friends with a girl and being her beta orbiter?

M_Ahmadinejad · 2014-10-01T07:42:52+00:00

If you treat the girl exactly as you would treat any of your male friends, you are friends with her. If you treat her special in any way that you wouldn't treat your male friends, you are an orbiter (assuming you aren't having sex with her).

AllMenDrip · 2014-10-01T03:54:01+00:00

Beta orbiter is someone investing in a relationship expecting more than friendship, but not getting more.

Modified_Hackware · 2014-10-01T04:04:22+00:00

She asks you to do unreasonable things and you do them and rationalise why you're doing them.

Or.

You just flat offer to do things for her that you don't for other people and rationalise why later.

Deebo33 · 2014-10-01T04:31:52+00:00

When you're a solid girls friend she will pay for her own stuff without expecting you to pay for her. She will also contribute to the relationship, and see it as a mutual relationship. If you need something she will most likely be there to help. There is minimal entitlement.

AlphaAsFAQ · 2014-10-01T03:01:32+00:00

deleted

nrjk · 2014-10-01T04:00:27+00:00

I think the concept has less to do with her and more to do with you. If you're hanging out on the regular and thinking about her romantically and not doing anything about it, then you're the orbiter. She may or may not know about this concept, but it's irrelevant-she gives you no 2nd thought whatsoever in a romantic way and you're always around, going shopping and whatnot, constantly desiring her in a different way than she is you. This is unhealthy and not worth it-you'll know.

I've always had a higher percentage of female friends than male friends. Most of my male friends were in bands with me and actually did shit together. My girlfriends served more to just hang around with and socialize, plus it served me righteous for some pre-selection - so it's a decent balance. Generally the girls I developed feeling for that weren't reciprocated, I just gradually slipped away from the friendship.

oldredder · 2014-10-01T13:11:30+00:00

Difference is supplication: if what you do for her is to get her to do more for you like a girlfriend, you're the beta orbiter. If you act like real friends & do things for each other and genuinely like each other's company you're not beta orbiting.

It's not what she does, it's what you feel / want.

Gstreetshit · 2014-10-01T13:45:12+00:00

If you make plans to do things together, you are a beta orbiter.

If it's a girl you run into a lot when out with groups and have nice chats, you are friends.

0sleepless · 2014-10-01T14:13:36+00:00

The difference is mainly in the stories you tell yourself. Most people who tell themselves they are "friends" with a girl are just beta orbiters without realizing it.

Friendships should be for mutual support, but girls will not help you move your stuff, fix your computer, fight someone who disrespected you, do your homework, reach some place when you don't have a car, carry heavy bags etc. etc., these are things that YOU will do for them, for both genetic and cultural reasons.

And even if we put material advantages aside, what fun can you have with them? They don't play videogames, don't like music, are not fun to get stoned with, are never interested in anything (go to any place where an activity is held, besides yoga and a few others, and see what's the ratio between males and females).

Yes, I'm generalizing, but you get my point. I think there is a reason if in most societies in history male-female friendship was just not conceived, and people of each gender were involved in completely different activities.

asd1100 · 2014-10-01T05:16:43+00:00

If you have to move and she breaks her back while moving furniture she is a friend, if she breaks a nail while moving a lamp you are a orbiter.

Archammes · 2014-10-01T13:38:58+00:00

A friendship is a state of mutual trust and support between allied persons. If she will come and help you set up the new entertainment surround sound system with you, and then kicks back and watches the game with a few brews afterwards, and the only thank you necessary is said brews, that's a friend. If you would never put her or could never imagine her in this situation, that is not friendship.

My closest friend is female, a cousin I grew up with. We watch football together, enjoy the same authors, talk about women we've slept with and why they're crazy (she's bi-sexual), and enjoy the same alcohols. There is absolutely no chance of sexual congress between us, so there is never even a hint of "vagina deference."

niczar · 2014-10-01T16:34:56+00:00

If you do her a solid, does she give something back? Can you count on her if you're in trouble? Does she invite you to parties?

But most important, and that's something I realized looking back at my "friends", does she introduce you to her single female friends?

I can think of two "friends" I had a bit of a crush on, and I realized they were actually using me (to some extent) because they almost never introduced me to anyone, whereas I did that for them.

Now I have a really, really good friend, I fix her computer when she needs it, in exchange she brings me drinks and tidies up my appartment (I have a really bad case of ADHD) while I'm working on it. She invites me to parties, and even volunteered the phone number of a girl I had been chatting with without me asking.

Rumble_in_the_Jungle · 2014-10-01T18:00:23+00:00

Treat her like a male friend, and make sure she reciprocates. Friendships are based on cooperation and mutual benefit. If you're not getting yours, it's not a friendship and she's just using you. If she reciprocates equally - great, keep doing that.

forgeror · 2014-10-01T18:28:02+00:00

The difference lies in your desire (or secret desire) to fuck her.

betarex · 2014-10-02T05:07:10+00:00

Orbiter, you couldn't fuck if you tried. Friends, usually the idea never comes up, or drunken hookups, maybe an ex fwb. Key is you could if you tried.

OneTouchHowMuch · 2014-10-01T06:14:01+00:00

If you're eating dinner and she asks you to get her a glass of water and you do it, you're her orbiter.

Would you ever serve one of your male friends like that?

Title	What's the difference between being friends with a girl and being her beta orbiter?
Author	trper454545
Upvotes	19
Comments	31
Date	October 1, 2014 2:42 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2hydrs/whats_the_difference_between_being_friends_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/whats-the-difference-between-being-friends-with-a.142525 https://theredarchive.com/post/142525

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