Why do I get told that I’m too nice?

MattyAnon · 2021-03-01T15:55:52+00:00

I’m a young man who often gets told by women that I’m too nice. I don’t get it.

If women say this, it's basically true. But "nice" doesn't mean what you think it means.

One thing I will say is that I am polite and have good manners, but this is with all people.

Polite is fine.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Why is being “nice” such a bad thing anyways? I’m not faking it, it’s just who I am.

Look, I can relate.... I got this too.

Basically you are giving too much consideration, power and control to other people and not taking enough for yourself. Women will try to walk over you in various subtle ways, and you need to find polite ways to let them know that you're not an idiot, you know what you're doing, and you know you don't need to take that shit from them. In a high value way.

You are failing subtle shit tests.

Infernir · 2021-03-01T18:02:13+00:00

I used to have crushes tell me "you're such a nice guy" all the time, it usually meant that I wasn't physically escalating to trying to sleep with them whenever I took them out on dates & paid for the experiences.

I was just happy to be around them, while other guys were sleeping with them.

Eventually after they all kept saying it in such a joking "good little dog, good little baby brother" manner it got very painful and I changed my behavior around all women, this didn't happen until I turned 21. My nice guy face of girls in college 18 - 21 was very painful, countless missed opportunities and countless girls who ended up being with more demanding guys.

In the past I kept taking it as a compliment every time a women called me a nice guy, now I know it was the biggest insult, they're calling you weak, submissive, meak, passive and not taking control of yourself or them.

themostgianthorse · 2021-03-01T16:01:22+00:00

Nice is not always “bad”. Nice is not always “good”. I use quotations because these are subjective although, I think we generally know what a reasonable level of nice is.

These women are probably telling you this because you are not assertive enough. Whether that is actually true or not is anyone’s guess since we aren’t there but deductively, I think it’s safe to assume.

Some questions for you to ponder:

Do I give to get?

Do I understand covert contracts?

Am I willing to say no?

Do I often find myself accepting what is unacceptable to me? (Example - ordered medium rare steak and received well done. Would you send it back? This may seem inconsequential but if you wouldn’t do this, it is indicative of where your head’s at)

Also, have you read No More Mr Nice Guy and When I Say No I Feel Guilty?

throwhawayyyy · 2021-03-01T15:45:29+00:00

well what do you do asides from being polite that may make you seen “too nice”. are you sacrificing your own plans to help others?

being nice isn’t inherently bad, it’s the being a pushover part which you normally see along with that

KCapoh · 2021-03-01T18:28:08+00:00

Too nice = too agreeable. Example- Her: “Hey can we do x tonight🥺?”

Nice guy: “Sure, what time should I pick you up❤️🥺😅?”

Asshole that gets her kitty wet: “Na not feeling it, I’m doing y tonight, come join at z time”

You lead, she follows.

2021-03-01T15:44:00+00:00

You're beta. Sidebar can help.

Casanova-Quinn · 2021-03-01T18:16:22+00:00

Assuming you're not acting like a doormat, I'd guess that your overall demeanor is coming off as too friendly. Do you generally have an upbeat personality? Do you smile a lot? Do you chuckle at every little thing? Do you talk quickly in a higher pitch? That type of behavior, while not necessarily beta, can give you the "nice guy" vibe. You should try being a tad more aloof with girls. Turn your energy down a notch, play it cool.

TheRedApostle · 2021-03-01T19:07:33+00:00

Nice is PART of the equation.

Several other traits make a man as well:

Are you an expert in your field of choice?

Are you ripped?

Do you take quick, astute decisions under pressure?

Do you have interesting stories to tell her on a date?

Do you make bank and have social proof?

Do you dress well?

Do you talk clearly and make eye contact?

Do you make her laugh and let loose?

Are you a 'fun' guy, or will you bore her to death?

With every box you tick, the probability of her viewing you as a sexual prospect goes up.

'Nice' is just another variable in the equation.

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a6rp · 2021-03-01T15:46:59+00:00

Being nice often means that You are pushover for others, don't be like that - fight for yourself.

akq0 · 2021-03-01T17:57:23+00:00

Those girls who are telling you this. Do you want to smash them ? Are you persuing them in that way, escalating, kino, giving emotional rollercoasters ? Do you remove your attention when they say no to your advances ? Do you imply dread naturally?

Do they ask you favors ? Do they get your time and attention for free ?

Do you say no when you want to ?

Hermit41 · 2021-03-01T19:58:11+00:00

Maybe they just complimenting you bro look as long as your on your purpose and your okay with not putting women before that, your good that’s all that matter none of the other bullshit

redpilledfox · 2021-03-01T22:19:16+00:00

Nice can mean polite. You said it yourself, you’re polite. That’s probably the main indicator.

mrsmiley831 · 2021-03-01T23:27:52+00:00

Read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

familiarfolly · 2021-03-03T16:23:21+00:00

seriously, forget about “this is who i am”. if who you are isn’t working fuck who you are.

change. there is nothing inherently virtuous about “being who you are.” what is who you are but where all your decisions until now have led you? that can change over night with enough self control and awareness.

you talk too much. too fast. too high pitch. your eye contact is probably trash. you probably close off your body in subconscious fear of your environment.

women are designed to sniff out masculinity. work on your masculinity.

2021-03-01T17:19:32+00:00

you’re a doormat.

Title	Why do I get told that I’m too nice?
Author	lilajstyles
Upvotes	7
Comments	30
Date	March 1, 2021 3:39 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lvc8vw/why-do-i-get-told-that-im-too-nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-do-i-get-told-that-im-too-nice.1597448 https://theredarchive.com/post/1597448

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