Why do I self sabotage?

theimmortalmortal · 2017-01-23T00:45:59+00:00

I need to write this down for my own good.

I have cycled through improvement and sabotage more times than I can count. When I am content, happy with my habits and physical progress, I tend to act more irrational out of confidence and cockiness. Because I have comfort room. This is where your brain is wrong and it's not playing a trick (I hate that phrase), it's just confused. It thinks there is margin for error, so you can be more of an asshole here, and a little lazier there, cheat just this once, and cause you have a six pack you're the fucking king of the world!!

But no that's not what happens. Everytime you are generally doing well and are content with things, you push too hard on those old wounds and end up reinfecting yourself with the same old diseases...addictions...depressions. Why though!? I think it's because we don't know how to let go of our old selves and truly evolve into the next phase. We can't let go of old habits, old friends, old desires easily. So when we are content, AKA in a good position to evolve, we act irrational and end up knocking ourselves back a step. This cycle is really fucking god awful for our physical, emotional, and spiritual growth. I think this is why a lot of successful and well off people have depression.

quicklogaccount · 2017-01-23T00:27:48+00:00

Any chances your goals are milestones for something bigger and scarier?

I used to use something about fitness as something I had to do before approaching girls. When younger I made it about books.
Besides being unmotivated by lack of decent stimulus and goals in the area itself, I was scared as shit from taking responsibility.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2017-01-23T00:40:57+00:00

I don't think it's a matter of self sabotage as much as it is a matter of self motivation.

When you slack off you get further from your goals. When that happens you panic, feel ashamed, so you get extra motivated to hit your goals. Then you get closer to your goals, you get content, you lose motivation, so you slack off. Repeat cycle.

What works for a lot of people is giving themselves a cheat day in their self improvement regime. Eg. a single meal of unhealthy food a week, before back to your usual diet. That way you don't get completely burnt out, and you don't crash completely when you have a bit of a rest.

detachedbymarriage · 2017-01-23T02:11:42+00:00

Damn good question.

I have a couple self sabotage things I am the same way with. Smoking for instance, I started smoking after my divorce. I have quit several times since for months at a time but something happens and my go to is a damn cigarette. I think it actually causes more stress by smoking than the stress before hand.

My father was a very successful business who lost his life due to smoking. I watched a great man's empire fall apart from it and you'd figure that would be enough motivation to never touch them.

There are others of course, but that is the one I'm struggling on (again) at this very moment.

My only words of wisdom, don't give up the fight. We might not get past it today or tomorrow, but eventually we will find a way.

K1Tap · 2017-01-27T16:57:09+00:00

Being someone guilty of his own self sabotage I want to throw out it could be the fear of the unknown. Better to live in the misery you know then to get to a place you're unfamiliar with.

I.e. "things will be better when I'm under 200 lbs" as you approach this goal the reality that things may be the same (albeit your weight has dropped) may set in causing you to back pedal to maintain the air of mystery surrounding your goal. Your goal still remains as the carrot on the stick, just out of reach with the promise of something better.

A personal goal of my own is a 6 pack, and while I know it won't make me any better a person whenever I approach it I nuke myself back...may be because Idk what comes next and ive been chasing it for so long, or maybe because it won't make me any happier and its easier for me to chase it and think it will.

Ill let you know when I get there

Good luck

Abb212121 · 2017-01-23T05:57:14+00:00

Maybe its your reasoning? Why do you want to get under 200lbs? Is it for yourself or is it something external like women?

WarlaxZ · 2017-01-23T08:41:36+00:00

There is a simple solution, getting near your goal? Make your goal harder! Continual self improvement. Who wants to be average even you can be the best? Always strive for greatness, who cares if Chad can only do 100kg bench and you can do 101 now. That's today, you'd best make damn sure next week your doing 102, and the following week 103.

Keep, pushing, forward!

Metalgear222 · 2017-01-23T15:18:54+00:00

Been there before. It's normally a fear of responsibility. I chalk it to up being afraid of success. I think it's because you instinctively realize that improving and going all the way to accomplishing your goal is a lot like swallowing the red pill. Once its done, there's no going back. Because life is about progression, you will never respect yourself the same if you complete a goal and then go back on it and fall out of it. You'll hate yourself even more, and it's easier to be complacent with where you are now than to risk hating yourself more in the future due to laziness and lack of discipline after having reached those goals already.

What I did realize is that the grass is greener on the other side. When you stick to your goals without fail and accomplish them, when you write down the things you want to complete ON PAPER and implement steps to getting it done, and have the discipline to force yourself to do what you don't want to in that all important decision-making moment; Your life gets so much better and sticking to those decisions gets easier.

Abadalt · 2017-01-23T17:06:59+00:00

You self sabotage becuase you aren't adjusting your goals to your success.

If your life goal is to (for example) make $10, and you get to $9, wouldnt you slow down?

Constantly raise the bar, constantly aim for better. How can you self sabotage if you still aren't anywhere near your new goal?

thaway13579 · 2017-01-23T19:46:01+00:00

We all have feelings and they make us do some pretty bizarre shit. You can sit around with a shrink for a few years and talk about that Grand Canyon trip you took with mommy where she made you feel bad for wetting yourself or you can just do the only thing that works anyway -- discipline.

People are way too focused on motivation and purpose and keeping interest up and feeling good. Losing weight doesn't feel good, it sucks. Come up with a plan and do it.

I feel for you man and it might sound like I don't care but I do, that's why I'm giving it to you straight. A year from now, maybe even a week from now, you're not gonna give a shit how you "felt". The only thing that matters is if you do it. Future-you will thank present-you and then you'll have a victory behind you. Makes the next one easier because you'll know you can do it.

I suffer from "all right now that I've accomplished THAT goal, what's next" and that can paralyze you if you think about it too much so if you find yourself in that situation, have another goal or project ready to go.

Good luck bud

Title	Why do I self sabotage?
Author	postreformedpua
Upvotes	36
Comments	14
Date	January 23, 2017 12:18 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5pkvx1/why_do_i_self_sabotage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-do-i-self-sabotage.337 https://theredarchive.com/post/337

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