A question about attraction

MrDownhillRacer · 2025-12-05T19:37:23+00:00

Okay, I'm speaking out of my ass/personal impressions rather than any empirical study, so take this (and all the other comments, even if they use evo-psych-sounding justifications) with a grain of salt, but:

I think everyone's preferences are influenced by what they see others valuing. People see other people desire something and they subconsciously go "well, it must be desirable if it is so desired," and then they start desiring it, too.

But when it comes to dating specifically, I feel like women are more prone to this than men, because women seem to base their attraction on more contextual cues than men do.

For men, it's very visual. "Is she hot?" For women, physical attractiveness is still a huge part of it, but it's working along with socioeconomic status (dudes will go "I saw the most beautiful woman working the Starbucks till today"; how often do women go "I guy that bagged my groceries was a divine being"?), social status (women find it hot when a guy is a leader of his peer groups; I don't think most guys give a shit if a woman is the organizer or on the periphery of her book club), charisma (like, as a dude, a woman being outgoing would hardly move the needle for me if she wasn't also physically attractive, and her being shy wouldn't count against her if she was attractive), etc. Pre-selection is a part of those cues.

So yeah, I think pre-selection figures into women's attraction to men way more than the reverse. And the reason isn't anything like "women are silly and impressionable," but more like "women are basing their decision on more factors than men are, because men are pretty simple when it comes to attraction."

Source: my own casual observations that could be biased.

Thin_Protection5616 · 2025-12-05T18:17:48+00:00

No, men don't care about that at all.

Evolutionarily, women bear a high cost for childbirth. She has to select for the best possible mate. Preselection and status are great subconscious heuristics for that.

Men can potentially have 1000s of children at 0 cost. Hence, they aren't as concerned about a woman's status or preselection - and have a great desire for novelty and multiple partners with zero attachment. If anything, the biggest threat for men comes in the form of the risk of unknowingly raising another man's child - in which case he's bearing the burden with zero reproductive reward. Thus men are much more sensitive to women being adulterous.

This is the underlying evolutionary basis for the general predisposition of each sex

leafygyal · 2025-12-05T18:45:32+00:00

Humans are social creatures; we’re often influenced by others' opinions

nosaintsfan25 · 2025-12-05T20:05:50+00:00

I'm absolutely sure that there is a social aspect, but I can almost guarantee that it is not as strong as the female attraction. There are plenty of examples of average to slightly above average women put on a pedestal simply because of their views or the things that they say, often unpopular opinions that men tend to agree with over women. They tend to have the same type of simp followers.

Rhino3750ss · 2025-12-05T20:50:33+00:00

Men might desire women that other men desire on an appearance/personality basis, but not on a sexual history basis.

Preselection works differently for men and women because the mating strategies are different. Women filter for the one man who is the safest bet so the tribe can know who the father is, men optimize their amount of options to spread their seed. Women define the "safest" as the man who is most congruent with male strategy. The modern west seems opposite but the natural defaults still apply.

The more sexual experience a man has had with women of higher or equal quality, the more the woman's safety instincts are satisfied.

When a woman is known to have been around with many men, a man can naturally feel the same "ick" factor that women get when they sense the guy lacks experience.

This is why people put negative connotations on women having many partners using derogatory words such as ho and slut, but the same people will put positive connotations on a man with many partners and call him a stud or a player or a Chad.

tonyferguson2021 · 2025-12-05T21:33:03+00:00

SMV 🤷‍♂️

CelicnisGhost · 2025-12-05T21:36:36+00:00

Maybe for like 1% of men.

At least 50% won't care, and the rest will find it detrimental that she is desired by other men, hence not letting her dress up freely.

A1Horizon · 2025-12-05T21:56:49+00:00

Me personally I don’t care at all how desired she is. Attraction always has an absolute value, it doesn’t change relative to other people’s attraction (not since I was like 13 anyway).

KrispyGODKreme1001 · 2025-12-06T17:09:14+00:00

No men become attracted to a woman for her physique and attitude and the fact that she is desired by many men just makes some men withdraw from pursuing her

Minimum_Exchange_622 · 2025-12-06T18:05:05+00:00

No, man always respect look up to me and want to be like me, cause I am tall cool jacked and just visibly having all my shit together, while females not so much see those traits the same way mans do. Its kinda funny, but it is what it is. But I have noticed they notice how other man behave when I enter the room, still doesn't change anything with attraction and seduction difficulty for me actually.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-12-06T18:19:29+00:00

Plenty of men do, yes. Just look at all the guys on this sub who talk about wanting to get with influencers and IG women with large followings. Guys like competition. Does it matter to everyone? Of course not. I don't care about online popularity, but I do value a woman who has a strong drive in her career, has friend groups outside the relationship, etc. I couldn't date a woman who is voluntarily unemployed or doesn't have hobbies.

BorntobeStrong · 2025-12-05T18:19:25+00:00

Men are mostly visual, where seeing a woman triggers biological urges, as hormonal changes and glandular activity takes place.

Women have wide access to many men, an attractive fertile woman triggers the same response in a multitude of men, so while men also don't act on every woman and look at factors like personality, age, and many other factors that are basically frontal cortex decisions, woman look at factors like men with larger access to resources, strength, confidence, social status and social movement, men who basically penatrate the physical and social world with greater confidence and apparent control are desired more by more women. Also social activity like art, music and getting people organized and together which all points to safety and greater security for women and children as well. Most of what triggers women sexually is directly related to what's best for babies.

When a woman sees a man desired by other women, this speaks to her as confirmation of desirable attributes, and creates the feeling of wanting access, wanting a piece of the pie. But it doesn't mean the woman will actually like the man, it's just a shallow factor like men who are triggered sexually by young women. It doesn't mean they want to sleep with them. Sexuality is an unconscious, automatic process, hardwired into the animal organism. Whereas humanity extends beyond sexuality with consciousness and all the games and experiences that go on.

Another factor is desire being a big factor of woman and attraction. Women who feel desired and wanted by a man, this means they get attention, plays on emotions of feeling wanted. But they want this attention from these certain competent men who can provide more. "Love" as in attraction between men and women is a selfish sort of game where it's not about some higher principle, but about desire, control, pleasure, security, as a selfish pursuit of access and creating copies of self with babies.

Dana_myte · 2025-12-05T19:30:05+00:00

Not in the same way because we don't really care about valuation/social status as much as woman do.

jsanchez030 · 2025-12-05T17:37:52+00:00

No difference. Envy is a universal human trait

Title	A question about attraction
Author	Famous_Cantaloupe_76
Upvotes	10
Comments	16
Date	December 5, 2025 5:33 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pf18tx/a_question_about_attraction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-question-about-attraction.1568121 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568121

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