Bar approach advice please!

kingcal · 2013-09-05T02:57:32+00:00

it's only downhill once you leave college

They say the same thing about high school. At 25 years old and four years out of college, I'm happier than I've ever been. Life only goes downhill when you decide it does.

More on your point of approaching in a bar, when I go out to the bar, my first goal is to have fun. For me, that means dancing. As soon as I get into the bar, I push into the most crowded part of the dance floor and just go crazy. I don't worry about other people at all. Generally, after some dancing, I'll catch eyes with someone, or notice a girl is dancing unnecessarily close to me, and I'll just open them. Usually, because it's loud, I don't say much. Just begin dancing with them face to face and have fun. If you want to talk to them, just pull them in and say you want to talk to them upstairs, outside, etc...

hotwingz83 · 2013-09-04T19:37:07+00:00

Also 3 girls out of 12 is not bad odds. I use the rule of 5. Roughly, 1/5 girls will be "into me". This ensures I approach enough girls before blaming it on my game, the venue or any outside factor. If I've talked to 5 girls and not gotten a nibble, then I start questioning my approach.

Statistically, 4/5 girls could: have a bf, find you unnattractive, be a Lesbian, already met a guy for the night. A little rejection doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

InfiniteBlink · 2013-09-04T21:06:21+00:00

I'm assuming your going out Solo Dolo. Most likely you've been spotted as the single guy by himself at the bar. I'd say its more difficult to open sets when you're running solo. When I go out solo I tend to park in a spot and socialize with the staff or make small talk with people close by. Dont try and buddy buddy them too much but have some sort of discourse with people around you so you dont look like someone who has no social skills.

Use opportunities like going to the bathroom or a smoke to scope the scene and make eye contact. If you get a bite, she'll be aware of your presence. Then you can meander over and say hello, then go into your pitch.

I go out solo a couple times a week, not really cuz i'm trying to get more practice in, but because I'm a social barfly and know all the people who work at all the bars in my neighborhood. So i'll go grab a few beers, have food, watch tv, shoot the shit. Then naturally situations arise that I capitalize on. If nothing comes of it, so be it. I had a couple brews and food.

Thurs-Sat i typically have people with me and thats when you can post up places and venture out on your own and have your wings have your back if you get into a big set or need some backup.

TheVegetableMan · 2013-09-04T19:13:49+00:00

Your putting too much thought into trying to pick up a girl. Just try to start a conversation and they will respect that enough to be polite. If you lead with a line like "Hey you're cute!" then she is going to think "Alright, this guy is looking to get laid..." It is creepy.

Instead just walk up and say "Hi, I'm _____". Think of an appropriate, contextual topics to have a conversation about and make small talk for two minutes. Speak with confidence and good posture. If she doesn't seem like she wants the conversation then say you need to get another drink and excuse yourself. If things are going well then get one for each of you and keep talking.

Invalidity · 2013-09-04T19:17:52+00:00

Try opening mixed sets. It's a step up from individual girls or small sets (2-3) but far easier than a group of 4 or more girls. You can approach the guys first and then work your way to the target.

RandomassDude · 2013-09-05T04:58:35+00:00

My best advice is to stop being so fucking desperate to pull girls. You seem way too eager (as I was and still sometimes still am) to get with someone and it likely shows in all of your social interactions. There's nothing wrong with being down to have a good time or trying to get laid, but in the mean time you just need to chill out, stop placing your value at the feet of others and go out to have some fucking fun. Go to the bars and be the fun guy who is there to have a good time and doesn't care if people don't like him. Meet other fun guys. If they're with hot girls, fucking bingo, make friends and help yourself to the benefits. Once you're enjoying yourself, it really doesn't matter what a girl thinks, you can just go up to anyone and be the shit. If she's not into it, she's the one missing out. You're killin it either way

2013-09-04T22:03:03+00:00

This is basically the same question I have, and there are some good answers given here! May I conclude that quick pickup lines shouldn't be used and most people should do as /u/theVegetableMan says?

notaveryoriginalname · 2013-09-05T01:02:34+00:00

I like Models a lot, but sometimes I question the idea of always using direct openers. It seems like a great book for inner game, but I've been reading Magic Bullets recently and it recommends not showing interest until the girl does. I'm not sure which idea has more weight, honestly. I think direct openers have their place, but they do require a good deal of confidence, they're probably overused in bars, and they definitely aren't as effective on girls with higher perceived social value. I think "you looked interesting" might even be better than "you looked cute." Cute girls know they're cute, generally.

HappyJerk · 2013-09-05T03:47:12+00:00

The key to approaching in a bar is to not get too drunk, have fun, and then conversations naturally happen.

dzaiello · 2013-09-05T13:52:27+00:00

To add to all the good comments/recommendations thus far, I'd definitely not recommend going in direct in a bar/night time setting. I've become really good at day game and always go direct at malls/stores/etc. I find it to be more bold and just plain honest, but more recently, I've tried to get better at bar game and if I say what I'm thinking when I go up to a girl and say how I think she's cute and I wanted to meet her I'm just like every other guy there who's boring and not fun. So I have changed it up considerably and have been going in say something like "Hey! you guys look fun/bored/upset" with a lot of fun energy behind it. Again some girls/sets aren't going to be open to chatting and that's totally cool. I agree with /u/hotwingz83 about it being about 1/5. Often once I'm warmed up I'll push an unresponsive/dismissive set further and I'll say something like "Oh sorry you guys just wanted to go to a bar and not talk to anyone" and that often opens them up further. Another key thing for me is never stopping after a rough set and thinking "wow that sucked. I wonder why they didn't like me". You can ponder about things you should change about your approach when you get home. A bar isn't a place to be rehearsing and scrutinizing minuscule social interactions in your head. Just keep plowing through to the next set. With a lot of this stuff you'll have to try different approaches and thought patterns and see what works with your personality and mindset. Try it out and good luck man!

-scarecrow- · 2013-09-05T17:24:04+00:00

I should clarify that these are cold approaches and have not made any eye contact or small talk beforehand.

There's the problem - eye contact is HUGE! (At least for me!) Learn to read eyes; you can just tell if a girl is into you or not, its just a natural thing. I never liked cold approaches because I tend to find them awkward and generally you do come off as a creeper.

Try eye contact, 3 seconds, then approach.

You're success rate will go up, try it and then Field report!

koolaidman123 · 2013-09-04T20:13:39+00:00

Openers don't matter. However the fact that you think that your opener is creepy and aren't being confident with what you're saying is the problem.

Title	Bar approach advice please!
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	23
Date	September 4, 2013 6:22 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lq9zy/bar_approach_advice_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/bar-approach-advice-please.1357880 https://theredarchive.com/post/1357880

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