Can an emotional relationship spawn from a physical one?

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-12-29T18:13:02+00:00

There is a PUA theory (well almost an axiom) that you need a physical, sexual relationship first, before you can establish any sort of emotional or long term relationship. Once you have sex, you can take a relationship any way you want. Most relationships start by quickly having sex within the first few dates and then long term emotional bonding comes afterward. There are few relationships (well, at least few of the type we are likely to get through PUA) that will start slow and take dozens of dates, even years, establishing a long term emotional relationship before you ever have sex. That just isn't going to happen. Sex first, relationship second.

I was just listening to an old mp3 by Mehow, he was talking about relationship management and had an interesting idea. He says that before you have sex, the woman looks at all your traits, and picks them apart trying to use them as reasons why she should not have sex, or should not get into a relationship with you. But after you have sex, from that point on, she looks at all your traits and uses them as reasons she should be in a relationship with you.

This is probably true of both men and women. Just be aware of that tendency and don't idealize your FWB's qualities and get oneitis. Don't go to extremes. A loving relationship could evolve, but not if you get your emotions all twisted around.

itseemstoberaining · 2013-12-29T16:11:12+00:00

This happens very often in FWB situations, and it happens to both men and women.

Take some time to see how you really feel. See if you can answer your own questions.

If you realize you have developed feelings for her, I would advise you to tell her, and tell her what you want from the relationship. Either she will have developed feelings too and you can start something more serious, or you will end the FWB situation.

The worst thing you can do is stay in the situation where you hide your feelings and hope for what you don't get and settle for a fuckbuddy deal when you want more and hurt every time she dates or fucks someone else.

joshsway · 2013-12-29T17:08:40+00:00

This happens all the time. Someone gets feelings. Jealousy is very normal. You have to decide if you want to continue the current set up or turn it into something more.

jp_lolo · 2013-12-29T17:10:51+00:00

Hell yes, it happens all the time. I would say it's probably the number 1 emotional danger of casual relationships.

throwawaybeginner · 2013-12-29T17:54:37+00:00

I was in this situation and we ended up deciding to date since both of us started to feel it. We were really good friends and thought it could work out. After a pretty long unsteady relationship, it ended pretty badly because both of us wanted to see other people but were almost forced into dating each other. We thought it was feelings but it was actually just a mix of jealousy and physical feelings being confused with emotional feelings, also us being really compatible as friends, that brought us together.

Really make sure its actual attraction and not just jealousy and possessiveness. The fact that you guys are FWB probably means 1. You don't want to date each other 2. You don't want to date period. This is probably not good way to get into a relationship.

I feel like talking with her about it isn't a good idea. I would figure out your stuff on your own. Really think if you can go a month with her and without sex, if that's an easy no then you should probably keep it FWB and just try to get over your jealousy.

jp_lolo · 2013-12-29T19:20:31+00:00

When I was 18 I started to have feelings arise from a sexual relationship. After they got pretty strong I asked a slightly older friend if my affection was invalid because I didn't used to like her. He said, "Does it feel real? Life is about takings risks. If you feel it, go with it."

So I did and then I fell in love for the first time. It was magical until I had my heart brutally destroyed months later.

PizzaHuttDelivery · 2013-12-29T23:15:53+00:00

Can somebody explain to me why I always hear the magic words: "i love you" after sex only? Girls never tell me that before. It's always after sex..

ltkernelsanders · 2013-12-30T04:48:28+00:00

If you've already agreed that dating isn't an option then it's doubtful. You have one of two choices, push the feelings down and continue the physical relationship, or bring it up with the other party. Most people shy away from the latter because it will end the physical relationship if the feelings aren't mutual, but it will end eventually anyways and probably badly if you don't discuss this with her and try to keep it down inside you. I speak from experiencing this several times.

sedditforthewin · 2013-12-29T20:53:45+00:00

Unless she's feeling stronger about you than you are at this point, I'd cut it off before it gets messy.

Title	Can an emotional relationship spawn from a physical one?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	27
Date	December 29, 2013 4:03 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ty2l9/can_an_emotional_relationship_spawn_from_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-an-emotional-relationship-spawn-from-a.1363678 https://theredarchive.com/post/1363678

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