Dating procedure

OpinionThink481 · 2026-01-17T18:15:46+00:00

It’s the default social norm that the man is the one who pays as a general rule always if u don’t say anything about it from day 1. When a woman pays is because she wants to signal that she sees u as a friend.

So asking her to pay is basically you making the dynamic platonic on purpose, it’s you indicating “i see you as a friend”. She can pay sure but then your dynamic changes from “we are romantically dating” to “we are just 2 buddies hanging out so each of us pays separately”.

You don’t get used unless she promises you explicitly something that she guarantee, like her saying that she will guarantee be your girlfriend if you continue paying and then not delivering on the promise she explicitly made.

If no promise was made in the first place then no one’s using u, because u r the one offering to pay for nothing in return. If u pay because you assume she owes you a relationship or because u have an expectation that she had to give u a relationship or intimacy or anything, after spending money on dates thats ur problem.

If what u want is guarantees that there will be romance after all the investment, there are no guarantees, and she is not making them, hence the risk is yours, that doesn't mean they are using u. Have u ever talked from the beginning that you the way u see romance is u both pay 50/50? Why not if that was important for u? These things are discussed from date 1.

PostAvailable9966 · 2026-01-17T19:45:17+00:00

You are mixing things here. A relationship is not a material transaction. I would argue you shouldn't expect them to initiate things.

If you don't feel comfortable with paying or overpaying, just dont do it to begin with. It's on you to self correct the course than on her to initiate.

A side note on dutch paying: will you lose some (more materialistic) girls? -> Yes
But... it will let you see if girls trully like you. Provision aside, if they stay, it is because they like you. It is an underated calibration tool.

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-01-17T18:02:16+00:00

While I’ve been paying on all dates cause I’ve been inviting and as a man should do. I have no issues with it.

There are so many problems with these statements idk where to start.

But here’s my take:

Like you, I have no issues at all paying things. Last girl I had sex with asked me to get her a new iphone. I simply told her “if you were my wife I could buy you the cellphone without even thinking about it.” Then she said “buy me 1 then…” I replied “but you’re not my wife.”

The problem is not whether you can or can’t. I know you can. But I believe all problems in a relationship start developing in the beginning without us noticing it. Once you start giving 100%, either time wise or financially -because you wanna impress her that you’re genuinely a kind-hearted man and have no problem paying for everything- then your counterpart doesn’t feel the obligation to give in either just 1 or 10%.

It makes sense tho. Why does she need to do some efforts if you already go all in? If you were in her shoes you’d probably do the same thing. In the end guys complain “why is it so hard to get her to do something I want when I already spent thousands of dollars on her?”

This is all about investments, frames, power dynamics, all that overlap in dating/relationship issues. And to make it worse, a lot of guys fall into the sunk-cost fallacy: because he realized that he already invested a lot, then instead of cutting it off willing to lose some, he incorrectly thinks that he needs to invest MORE. This doesn’t only happen in stock market, but also in dating world.

ComplexTell25 · 2026-01-17T19:59:39+00:00

Following

FearInoculumTool · 2026-01-17T21:14:29+00:00

I mean you already set the precedent. You had some covert contract with her, meaning she never knew her side of the deal, and now you are butthurt that she doesn’t put in any effort or work?

Title	Dating procedure
Author	Dana_myte
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	January 17, 2026 5:48 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qfjrcc/dating_procedure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dating-procedure.1571371 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571371

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