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[–]Calamity__Bane 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Basically, you need to alter your mindset. Chances are pretty good that you’re either hesitating too much, or you’re behaving in ways that cut you off from the seductive “current”, so to speak. State control, coupled with a few principles kept in mind, will remedy that.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Could you elaborate on how I should act
[–]Calamity__Bane 9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m not sure what your specific issue is as I haven’t seen you in action, so it’s hard to give you the specific action or set of actions you need to perform differently. In my case, though, I found it helpful not to spend time trying to interpret an apparent advance, but to simply match the advance with a similar act or an escalation. That gives her the opportunity to escalate further with you, which of course gives you the opportunity to get laid. Similarly, if she retreats, I don’t spend a lot of time trying to figure out the real meaning of her retreat - I just pull my energy back proportionately. That helps you avoid engaging with or creeping out disinterested women, and also encourages interested ones to chase you.
I say this because I used to have this problem.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Alright. The one thing I feel I really struggle with is just knowing what to say. I feel my conversation just lacks substance and doesn’t advance me anywhere
[–]Calamity__Bane 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’ll give you three tips:
When in doubt, the most interesting thing to the person you’re talking to is themselves.
If you’re going to comment on something about someone, it should be something they control rather than not.
Intimacy is created by drawing someone into the present moment. Asking what someone does for work is less intimate than asking them what they’re doing right now. Asking someone what they’re doing right now is less intimate than commenting on something they’re actually doing right in front of you.
[–]FaithInStrangers94 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wouldn’t you say that asking really deep questions is a form of intimacy? Things they might not have been asked in months
It doesn’t necessarily get women sexually charged but I always have a deep dive with women on a date (because I hate small talk and I want to see whether they think along the same wavelength as me) after which they become much more attracted to me on an emotional level
[–]Calamity__Bane 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Asking deep questions can definitely create or reinforce intimacy - but you’ll notice that the deepest questions are often about how she feels in the present about something important from the past. Generally, it’s not so much about getting someone to recount what’s happened in the past as it is about getting them to contextualize it for the present.
[–]Stujitsu2 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Do you flirt or just talk? Do they touch you? Do you touch them? Do you employ innuendo? In other words are you sexual at all? Women are not going to have sex with someone who is a sexual mannequin. Try touching them but in a strictly innocent way at first. Idk touch is hard to explain because you have to be good enough to read their body language to know what they are comfortable with. A good rule is let her touch you first then reciprocate. Tap her on the shoulder or get her to high 5 you as a first step or bump the side of your hip into hers. You are in a club...dance. But get a back and fourth touch thing going then when and if she gives you the look...kiss.
A good tactic is to invite her to another venue. A different bar/club/restuarant. If she won't go to another place with you...she is for sure not going home with you. Honestly I would ask that but only if you talked a fair amount, have some good rapport and shared some reciprocated touching. If she declines just say something like...It was fun talking witj you Claire...I would love to get your number! Getting declined to visit another venue is actually a great time to shoot your shot on a phone number. Because by inviting her to whatever you basically told her you were leaving now you have to be congruent.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It depends. One of the girls last night was grinding on me and honestly that specific case I could have brought her home but didnt because I was leaving with my friends but in general it depends. As for me being sexual I’m honestly really not as I don’t want to do something that will make the girl uncomfortable. I will try to do more innocent touches though and see what happens. The other issue I’ve noticed is that I’m a bigger taller guy with a deep voice and people seem to be pretty intimidated which makes it a bit harder. My ex girlfriend said she was scared to approach me because of that. I’m not sure how I can not have an intimidating presence that pushes girls who are interested away
[–]Stujitsu2 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well the way I would think of it is she is not going to go home with you if you haven't even kissed yet. Also physical contact on the dance floor doesn't necessarily have any meaning. There is nothing wrong with good old fashioned dating. I think your best bet is to see if she is open to visiting another venue with you. Especially if you can sit down and eat or have a drink and talk. Try inviting girls to a quiet bar or breakfast or after hours restuarant. If she declines go for the number and ask for a date a few days later. Know good places in the area.
[–][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Stujitsu2 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean...the issues there are really her level of comfort, trust and her personal aims. Many women want casual sex but you can't expect them all to want casual sex. But if she won't let you lead her to another public place, she is not gonna let you lead her to your place. And if she declines that, and you spent time talking with a girl and your interaction was positive, why waste it? Might as well get her number. Just because a woman won't sleep with you right away doesn't mean she doesn't like you or doesn't want to see you again. In my opinion a quality woman will not sleep with you right away.
But if casual sex is all your after and all you'll entertain, you're automatically excluding most women. Guys that consistently get "same night pulls" are either innately sexual or skilled at sexualizing conversation and escalating physical contact incrementally and don't waste time on women who are unresponsive or insufficiently responsive to it. There is no magic bullet to get a girl who doesn't want casual sex to have casual sex. But you can weed out ones that don't. Touch, and your ability to read a woman's body language are going to be your best tools.
A good guideline is let her touch you first maybe even twice. Then reciprocate and escalate incrementally. Women that like you will let you lead as long as you don't go from zero to 60 too fast. But if you want sex there must be sexual tension and touch is the best route to sexual tension. In fact if you touch a woman at all she thinks you want sex even if its innocent and innocuous. Women notice when you touch them...always. So either let her touch you first and reciprocate or if you touch her first do it in a non-sexual manner and see if she reciprocates. If she is finding excuses to touch you first, you can definitely escalate...incrementally.
My other tip for you is if you do invite her to another venue make it a quiet place so you can actually talk. I have never tried this from a club or pub. I have obviously tried this on a date. But you could try inviting her to go for a walk with you. If she'll go on a walk alone with you it will create a good opportunity to kiss her.
The biggest problem with girls at clubs is they go out in big groups...and her friends are going to cock block. Once I had a woman clearly interested in me get dragged away by her friend by the hand with the words no...no...no...we're leaving. She is getting lead away like a lost puppy and still looking back at me smiling and trying to talk to me. I could never understand why women pull their friends away from men they are clearly interested in. Its not like our conversation was sexually charged I could just tell she was attracted and so could her friend. At this point I am wondering if this tendency really just amounts to jealousy over who is getting attention.
[–]masmiester 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
hey buddy, you have a natural advantage, PLEASE don't squander this. most guys will never have girls going up to them, Now imagine you are good at going up and talking/flirting with girls - easily 4 or 5 times that amount go girls you can have. You could be a Legend.
to start with please read through the Wiki https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/wiki/index/
for your questions - look up escalation in particular, but all other topics help
[–]grindforthegold 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
lmaooo the bag
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gotta secure it
[–]truthbomb999 -5 points-4 points-3 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Most girls just want to dance with a hot guy to feel good. I'd cut to the chase real quick and tell them you are there to meet sex partners and discern if they are serious or just want to waste your time
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
so just getting used for a dance? That’s lame
[–]truthbomb999 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's what they do. They use guys for entertainment
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I guess I can’t say much I use women for sex
[–]truthbomb999 -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sex is mutual enjoyment and pre negotiated in advance. No covert contracts or leading anyone on
[–]booniedog1 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Do you go alone
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not usually. I for the most part go with friends
[–]booniedog1 -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are lucky. The one friend I do have has repeatedly told me he hates clubs and bars. Hold onto your friends because after college it's damn near impossible to meet anyone. People settle down.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You guys be having the good problems man. Just be more dominant dude
[–]rcollinsmac 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ask for their number first
[–]seaweedpotential 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you just need the guts to grab them and kiss them. They want to bang you (they are attracted)
[–]texaspete3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looks and physical traits are not game. Think of looks as the best peacocking asset one could have, but that isn't pickup. Learn pua
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[–]Calamity__Bane 10 points11 points12 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Calamity__Bane 9 points10 points11 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Calamity__Bane 10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Calamity__Bane 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Stujitsu2 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Stujitsu2 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Stujitsu2 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]grindforthegold 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]truthbomb999 -5 points-4 points-3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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