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[–]nicolai_1998 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are in the friend zone. Expecting something more will just cause pain and frustration on your behalf. Accept her as a friend (with a possible new social circle), or move on. Also, why was there no sexual chemistry? Did you do enough flirting? Was there any physical contact?
[–]SnooPets1514 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Very good advice OP. Utilise this and try and meet other girls through her circle. You're never coming back from the friend-zone unless you lay-off and she somehow miraculously comes to you one day when she sees you're absolutely bossing it at life, but don't bank on it. There'll be other attractive girls who find you attractive. She's a drop in the ocean.
[–]rhofire 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
spent over 5 hours together.
Why? Why did you do that?
We got along super well & had a lot to talk about, but there wasn't really sexual chemistry.
No. You're not confident in your sexual attractiveness and so you suppressed your desire. Every time you thought of making a move, you held back.
Or should I give up and focus on being friends (do I really have no shot)?
The reason why you're struggling is the very fact that you're asking this question. You know what you want. You're not getting what you want. Why are you still in that spot?
Tell her you're not interested in being friends. Tell to let you know if she ever wants to make something happen. Nice to meet you, bye.
On to the next one.
[–]hurricane4 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is what he should do, but almost certainly won't 😂
[–]invaderjif 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Curious, what's wrong with a long first date?
[–]rhofire 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The simplest answer is that it results in exactly what's happened to OP.
Also, I've realized that most guys on here have a completely wrong understanding of how to deal with women. It's hard to give you an answer without adding more background so you can have context.
But, I'll try to explain an important part of the game.
In most cases, women don't get as enamoured with guys as the other way round. Sure, they pretend because most guys are naive. They have way more experience than guys, so it makes sense if you think about it.
An average woman goes on more dates and sees more guys in a week than most males do in a year or even longer. So, she's way more calculated.
She knows that a guy who knows what he's doing would never give her that much time. Except, if they're having sex. But, just hanging out for five hours? Straight away, she knows the guy has no clue.
At that point, it becomes a matter of how useful she finds him.
[–]floraltattoos 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, any advice here would be great. I have an awful time bringing dates to an end after 2-3 hours if there’s no physical escalation, and have been letting it draw out naturally instead (which I realize is a mistake).
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have an awful time bringing dates to an end after 2-3 hours if there’s no physical escalation
You just have to be willing to walk away. If we go for a drink, and within the first 45 minutes I determine she's not attracted to me, I'll end it.
But, I'll start flirting much earlier. In practice, I let the girl know I'm attracted to her sexually within the first 5 minutes of conversation. She doesn't have to do anything or jump into anything right away. All I want to see is that she's also attracted.
If she's not interested, I'm walking away.
[–]SnooPets1514 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not to blow smoke up your ass, pal, (realise I've concurred on a few of your comments...)
He's right, OP.
I sensed a date going dry af this Monday just gone and by the end of it thought to myself 'eh maybe we're just not compatible' pecked her on the lips and left, told her, 'eh think I'll just go home now' after the date.
I ended up getting a nude about 1/2 hour later.... lol...
And the girls I'm really, really trying with have never done that. I suppose it is mad attractive when a guy has that air of confidence about him to 'turn down' pussy
Great advice
[–]SnooPets1514 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm tending to think it gives no room for mystery or them wanting more. Best to give them a bit, but pull away and leave them feeling/thinking 'fuck... I want more of this... I miss him... do I miss him? fuck...' you want to conjure that feeling rather than riding the date out dry.
I think the only exception a good first date is long is if you've brought her back and you screw, otherwise, gotta be wary of the above
[–]MasterTeacher123 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You dip and move on to the next chick.
When a girl says that, in 99% of cases it’s just a nice way to say beat it lol.
[–]MissionAd399 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t be friends with her if you’re attracted to her. You’ll just be another orbiter hoping she gives you a chance one day. You have things in common with your homies and that should be enough. I’d say only do it if there’s benefits like having her company to attract other women but if you’re just gonna go on friend dates while continuing to pay for everything thats not a friend.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You being attracted to her is a given and likely doesn't need to be mentioned. I'm gonna give you some advice - if she wants to be friends, then be her friend. You friend zone her, not the other way around. Look at this as a disappointing turn but the good thing is you can now have a cute female friend who might have other cute female friends. Now you can ask her for advice regarding women instead of us.
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
I hate to say this but you perhaps did not meet her attractiveness threshold. She already said she just see you as a friend so leave it as is.
If I were you, if you genuinely like her company as a friend, hang out as a friend with zero expectations.
You might as well channel that attention to someone who is equally into you.
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You don’t think he met it after she agreed to the date with him?
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I see your sentiment but going out on a date is pretty much giving him a chance but if he met her attractiveness threshold, she’s more than likely to hookup first before even dating.
I personally hookup with all of my tinder matches before I consider taking them out on a date.
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Ah I see. I consider that being above the above the threshold. OP is within it so the girl isn’t warmed up yet for sex and whatnot
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m guessing she’s probably more attractive than the OP but maybe since they clicked through texting prior, she gave him a chance to go out on a date but still ended up getting friendzoned.
Most women are the same; if she’s highly attracted to you, she’s likely going to sleep with you that same day even after few minutes of matching online for example hence I’m surprised that people on here take their tinder matches on a date whilst I take them all straight to the bedroom.
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Cuz you’re a handsome dude. Average looking guys cannot do that. If guys invite chicks over without dates all the time like you said they would end up with 1 girl every 3-6 months
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thanks but I earned it bro. Self-care/ self improvements/ self-investment is the best way to seduce women by making her want you.
I’ve been there, done that. I focused on things both physically and internally that I can work on and guess what, the people I attract became a byproduct.
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes I agree that looks are the most important thing. These guys that say game is everything don’t realize you don’t even need game if you attractive enough. But to be fair a lot of those looks also come from your genetics, not everyone can get to those levels
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looks are very important at least initially and for casual sex. It’s importance declines if it’s heading towards more serious stuff. I wasn’t born like this bro. All the women I pursued when I was a teenager rejected me. I can pm you my before and after transformation
[–]CompetitionFair7686 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Men be like:
“Man, i wish i could understand her hints so i know what she wants”,
women literally tells you she only wants friendship, and you be like:
“oh well, i don’t give a fuck what she wants i still want to have sex”
Girl literally rejects you, and you’ll be like: “She’s been leading me on!!”
The problem comes from this value of “never giving up” which is just an excuse men use to harass women who say no.
[–]poly_nerdy_panda -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
LOL, so many chicks said they want to be friends till they get lonely ask you for drinks, and next thing you know you are going down on her and she says fuck me already!
[–]CompetitionFair7686 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And then you wake up.
[–]poly_nerdy_panda 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women Rarely know what they want, I say go be friends with her and show her other women want you.. flirt in front of her.
I had women who wanted to be just friends make the move on me and even some said those girls are making her jealous and want to come back to her place.. I hooked up with my fair share of women who friend-zoned me but mostly because I'm to sexual and women take me as the "fuck boy type".
The big take away always be fucken sexual like your talking to your guy friends (your momma jokes, that's what she said jokes) don't be afraid to put her in her place for bad behavior like overdrinking or causing drama for no reason. If she looks uncomfortable talking to some loser guy at the bar don't be afraid to act as her bf.
Lastly, always offer to pick her up and drop her off, It doesn't mean she's going to fuck you and you shouldn't if she's drunk but it is your life (the whole me-too thing, and I personally hate drunk sex).. Also NEVER drink more than 2 drinks it's just going to make you sloppy
If she ends up with another guy who wants to take her home so be it. Tell her next time to help you find girls at the bar, club, venue
[–]EthicalSeduction 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Manage your expectations and stick by what you say. If you agree to just be friends and hang out, then you need to do this and not escalate. If you can’t, then you need to tell her you can’t (in which case she will manage you and you won’t see her again.) But the point is that you don’t want to lead people on or trick them and it’s important to do what you say. And hey, if she I really cool, include her as one of your friends. And that can lead to more connections with other cool people as well.
[–]amazingbrotherpopoff 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
nothing wrong with making friends, sounds like you both thought you’d be better as friends so just lean into it.
having female friends is great! you’ll get more comfortable with women, learn more about them and also make new friends lol it’s totally fine to have a friend you think is attractive and not do anything about it
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you’re physically attracted to her then DO NOT hang out with her as “ friends”.
[–]spiderSlayerr 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
5 hours tf y’all doing for that long
[–]PatientAssociation62 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No. Never accept the "let's just be friends" bit unless your interest in her is truly platonic. Simply say "thanks, but I'm not interested in being just friends". Don't get mad or butthurt, just move on. Think like a high value man. Would a high value alpha give any thought to a woman who isn't giving him what he wants or reciprocating his interest?
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[–]nicolai_1998 14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SnooPets1514 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 14 points15 points16 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]hurricane4 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]invaderjif 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]floraltattoos 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SnooPets1514 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SnooPets1514 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SnooPets1514 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MasterTeacher123 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MissionAd399 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 4 points5 points6 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 -1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]PackageCommercial304 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Honest_Inevitable632 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CompetitionFair7686 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]poly_nerdy_panda -2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CompetitionFair7686 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]poly_nerdy_panda 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EthicalSeduction 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]amazingbrotherpopoff 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spiderSlayerr 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PatientAssociation62 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link