[deleted by user]

NCreature · 2022-04-25T16:01:54+00:00

On to the next. Don't dwell on the last play.

Imagine you're an athlete and your putting all your hope in hitting a home run or throwing a touchdown..and for whatever reason you don't. You can't just beat yourself up there's literally another play coming possibly seconds later. You have to learn to live for the next play and get out of the mindset that all your best opportunities are behind you. Otherwise you're condemning yourself to constant brooding over what went wrong when that energy could better be spent building something that's right. Unlike a game the clock doesn't strike zero until you're dead so at 25 there's a lot of game left to play.

atomant88 · 2022-04-25T23:10:57+00:00

Find another cool girl

Minute-Lie-2287 · 2022-04-26T02:58:50+00:00

I don't see anything that says you actually blew it here. You just think you did. Don't let it be a self fulfilling prophecy. Next time you just need a good reason. You found x really interesting event ( which actually needs to be something anybody could have fun with) and it made you think of her. If and only if she gives signs of reservation then it's ok to explain " I know I was a little awkward before, this is gonna be fun. Just chill,easy,fun."

After that , on a no, just gotta let it go and think eh, she was just entertaining herself the first time and thought eh why not?. Was never actually interested. Oh well. Next.

Several-Albatross741 · 2022-04-26T01:41:23+00:00

You didn’t blow it if you never had it. Stick out your chest and hold your head high. Keep living.

hpaine69 · 2022-04-26T02:29:11+00:00

Yea that shit hurts i feel, but the only way is forward, don't let it stop you

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-04-25T16:28:11+00:00

If she’s as cool as you say, you didn’t blow it. Everybody deserves a second chance.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-04-26T23:57:11+00:00

1

How do you deal with the fact that you blew it with the really cool girl?

Our minds are tricky things sometimes. There's this thing we all have where voices can tell us unhelpful or even negative things. We all get unhelpful trains of thought that make repeat runs through our heads.

Psychologists have a term for this which they call negative self-talk.

2

Met a really cool and beautiful girl at work that I rarely cross paths with, got her out on a date, and became an awkward mess.

Something kind of related to negative self-talk is a common bad habit of spending too much time thinking about the girl.

It's likely your mind was wandering about this girl, exploring different scenarios, possibly imagining what it would be like to date her, be her BF, etc.

It's exceedingly helpful to be on guard when your mind starts to wander around the idea of a girl, constantly. Because to be real here, you don't really know a lot about this person.

And what your imagination was probably doing, constituted building an image of this girl up that had little to do with who she actually was.

3

I fumbled in almost every major important area.

Got nervous, quiet a lot, not as fun as I could have been, not as physical as I could have been, probably could have teased her more, talked about a lot of stupid shit.

Nervous: it was likely worry about what to do. But social interactions are two way, between the two people, not manufactured in your head. There you were in your head running scenarios, but the person was right there already.
Being in your head makes you quiet. Because you need your focus outward, actively listening, if you want to make decent conversation by following up well on things she has said.
Physical escalation: A lot of guys feel to realize that escalation starts off small and basically non-sexually. It starts in things like high fives, fist bumps, and sidearm jabs. But you were so distracted thinking about some magical idea of what you should have done, that you weren't plugged in to the situation with the person right in front of you.
Finding a mindset of not taking yourself too seriously and being playful in general is not bad. But teasing her is completely unnecessary. And if someone is insecure, then teasing can often take the form of trying to take her down a notch, which will only reveal the insecurity.
You don't need to talk about "stupid shit." You can honestly start with any small talk topic and actively listening to her gives you the information you need to hold a conversation after that.

4

The sad thing is I got a little bit of a redemption chance later down the road, but kind of fumbled that too.

Other stupid shit not being trying for the kiss at the end because she didn’t seem into it....

If she didn't seem into it, then that wasn't a redemption chance or a fumble. It was you actually reading the situation and plugging in finally, even if it was late into the date.

5

....and at one point this drunk foreign dude rolled up and tried to kiss her on the cheek, but it was our first date and I didn’t know if it was my place to stand up and try something or not

Couple things here:

If you're taking someone out, one-on-one, then don't take them somewhere that drunks like this are going to be. You take them to a public place that's going to be chill and allow for some privacy.
It's ironic, you were having all these experiences with her and you didn't actually get to share them with her because you were in your head worrying about it the entire time. There was potential to connect over a number of things in the night, including the drunk dude. Instead, you basically spent the entire date hanging out with your negative self-talk.

6

And now the few times we see each other at work, it feels extremely awkward.

How do I deal with this feeling? Its been eating me up for weeks.

You've been spending weeks too long fussing over someone who, let's be real here, you don't even really know.

Conversation is not a one-way street, she could have just as easily done something to help it along.

Maybe you left something out in your description of the date, but you make it sound as if she wasn't really talking or interacting either.

In any case, you don't really know the first thing about her aside from sharing a workplace with her. And here you are spending weeks wasting your time and energy on this person.

6

I felt like this woman was going to be huge for me, but I completely blew it.

The moment you built it up in your head that she was going to be huge, before you even fucking knew her, that was when you blew it.

You have to head these things off at the pass. When you see a girl and you're building her up like this, you have to step in and stop those trains of thought from running through your head.

It may be comforting or fun to run through scenarios, but it's ultimately unhelpful because you build up an image of who that person is in your imagination, which has little connection to who she actually is.

Exmerus · 2022-04-25T17:46:15+00:00

How did you blow it?

Soft_Disk7652 · 2022-04-26T18:03:06+00:00

There’s no way you can fumble someone who genuinely likes or wants to be with you. Especially women, if they want to be with you they will disregard everything and find a way to be with you. How do you think so many people end up in abusive relationships? But to be honest if she ever thinks you fumbled a chance to be with her, do you really want to be with someone like that? I would say stay away from anyone with that type of mindset. I’m sure you’ll find ur Queen, KING 🙌

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-04-25T16:23:31+00:00

Get another cool girl

2022-04-25T17:47:47+00:00

this is one of the reasons why i never talk to girls at work … its the awkward moments if things go side ways .. your best bet Op would be to ignore her and just lay low.

PullHerMando · 2022-04-26T02:31:11+00:00

Live and fucken learn I guess.

BeyonceAsare · 2022-04-26T04:34:43+00:00

So many other women out there don’t beat yourself up. What’s done is done you can’t go back and change what has already happened. Just always be yourself and you should be fine. Oh and for future reference never date anyone that you work with.

iabymusic · 2022-04-26T08:36:50+00:00

Idk if this will help but when I blew it on my dream girl in school instead of thinking about it in a negative way I analyzed it instead and found the mistakes I did and worked on them one by one instead of just sitting there and sobbing about what happened, in all honesty "it's alright to be weak, but it's not alright to accept it and stay in the same place"

T_man365 · 2022-04-26T11:08:12+00:00

It is what it is.

Lessons learnt.

Accept what's happened and move on my bro.

Easier said than done, but you'll get there

toadroader24 · 2022-04-26T15:24:08+00:00

Happens to everyone. Best thing to do is stay social, talk to alot of people (everybody not just people you find attractive) and when the next cool girl comes along (she will) you'll be in the flow instead of being unprepared because your moping about the past.

Lon4reddit · 2022-04-26T15:44:53+00:00

Honestly most of the advice here is great

rommelxcastro · 2022-04-26T17:00:22+00:00

Learn from the experience. Go out and find the next beautiful cool girl.

koch55 · 2022-04-26T18:16:36+00:00

I know exactly watchu mean and here's the best thing you can do for yourself and her:

Best believe there will be another one: If this is something that's hard for you to even believe, force yourself to see/believe there will be another one. It's that simple, if you start dwelling on it, bring your attention to something else (stay in control, be the man).
Go and approach hotter women: not just for the sake of approaching them but start to befriend (as in build good relationship) them, this will help you be at ease around them while not put women on a pedestal so u won't self-sabotage (that's the reason you feel awkward seeing her, she prolly doesn't nor think of it, only YOU do)

doing there will help you realize something great.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-04-26T23:07:13+00:00

PSA: Just a reminder to everyone about Rule 5: Avoid Common Off-topic Subjects.

This includes the notion of "don't shit where you eat."

It's not where you game, but how.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	26
Date	April 25, 2022 3:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ubnyey/how_do_you_deal_with_the_fact_you_blew_it_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1261208 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261208

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