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[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]nordik1 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This man fucks.
App is irrelevant, they're just girls at the end of the day OP. If attraction, emotion, and vibe is high enough, they will smash.
Basically posted the same thing in another thread that these dates sound very dry. There's zero emotional spikes. Just logic logic logic aka they're going to mentally check out very fast
[–]CompetitionFair7686 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
When you talk about the things kids do, what she is interested in is in how that makes you feel personally.
She is not really there to talk about the hilarious things kid in your school do but how you feel about those things they do. Because she needs to empathise with you to connect with you. Don’t just say it makes me feel good, be descriptive with analogies for example as to how you feel.
Again how does that make you feel, don’t just be like:
_”then i went mountain bike riding, and then i visited this place, i did x thing, then i took the bike again and after riding for a few minutes then i sat down because i was tired, then i went home…_”
All of those facts she doesn’t care she wants to know how you feel doing, to see if you felt something new and interesting that she can relate to or makes her wish she could feel too.
“_Oh that’s a nice bracelet, let me see or beautiful nails”_
If that’s what you are saying, the problem then is that these compliments do not make her feel any sexual tension…
Like that’s something even her grandma could say. You play it way too safe, which is why she says you are a nice guy. When a woman says “Nice guy” it just means “you are not alpha”…
That’s because you are not making the conversation man to woman. In other words, your conversations do not really feel much different than the conversations you would have with your sister.
Like if you tell me this was your sister rather than a girl you want to hook up with i would never have thought you are actually hitting on her based on this conversation.
Yeah, because you didn’t make it man to woman, you didn’t take risks, you were always playing it safe, not really showing your desire for her, and when you play it safe you give off platonic vibes and end up friendzoning yourself.
In fact, if you have to wait till the end of the date to go for a kiss then you are already screwing it up. Kiss should not happen at the end it should happen during the date in the middle.
-Then I text "hope you made it home okay. It was nice getting to know you more today."
The first text after a date, should be something funny that happened during the date to remind her of the feeling, usually the best moment of the date, like some kind of inside joke. Anyways regardless of your texts it’s already over the moment she hugh you at the end of the date.
You are beta, that’s what nice means. It doesn’t mean that you are a morally good person that’s not what she is referring to, all she is saying is that you are not masculine when talking with girls. Because you play it too safe.
Yes, platonic as fuck, if you told me this was a conversation with your sister i would not even doubt it. And if a conversation with your sister doesn’t feel any different from the one you have with a girl you want to fuck then you are coming across as platonic and fucking up.
[–]CloutComputing 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Are we as guys conditioned to be platonic? Why are we scared to take risks? I could see myself being this guy, a virgin, afraid of offending people, just awkward and isolated.
But I'm starting to realize life is short and we could die any day. When I start talking to girls again, I will give zero fucks about taking risks. Because if I do, I'll stay a virgin.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]CompetitionFair7686 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
1 - “_Damn girl, you be looking like a snack_” while checking her body and up down and biting your lip, would be my first comment as soon as we meet in the date.
Not a “_you look nice_” or “_you look pretty_”…
No! I mean it when you gotta say a snack… Why?
Because she knows what people want to do when they see a snack. Eat it. So if you say she looks like a snack, she understands you want to eat her, and that’s more sexual.
This sets the tone that this isn’t gonna be platonic and that you are not gonna behave like you were talking to your sister, (unless you are into incest).
The body language gestures also do this, like looking her up and down and biting your lip in a similar way to how a fat kid bites his lower lip when looking at an ice cream…
I wouldn’t do a hug, just grab her hand and spin her around to check her out. You need to be open and shameless about the fact that you are clearly into her and that you desire her.
2 - When you tell her about your life your job the kids or whatever personal stuff, always talk about how that makes you feel, you want to make her empathise with your feelings, for example:
Talking like this makes her connect with you emotionally, you did not just say it feels good, you went beyond about describing the feeling to the point where she could almost be jealous because she might want to feel the same.
3 - The bracelet thing… You can use that as an excuse to caress her hands, you can comment about the bracelet, and then change to palm reading, you can be like “hey let me read it your palm” you proceed to make some commments about her personality based on the conversation you’ve had, for example:
“I can see based on this line that you are a very empathetic person, this other line suggests that sometimes people when they first meet you may think you are antisocial, but deep down you are very friendly and kind once they get to know you.
Comments such as this one that describe her personality make her feel qualified and make her trust you when you show interest because you are showing her that you are aware of the kind of person she is apart from her looks, and it makes her feel like if you like her is because you saw those qualities and not just because of their looks.
Then you need to hold on to her hand and caress her palm, her fingers and her wrists while you look into her eyes and mouth and tell her “_she is no ordinary girl, there is something sexy but also special in her that you did not expect…_” you do that to create sexual tension, excitement and anticipation.
That kind of touch is intimate and it’s not something you would do with your sister or a friend, only with someone you want to hookup with.
If she lets you touch her hands and wrists like that while you are saying that stuff biting your lip and looking at her eyes and mouth, then that indicates you can go for the kiss.
Because if she didn’t like you she would remove her hands so fast, and pull away instantly because she knows what you are elevating the temperature and knows what that gestures means (a prelude for a kiss).
I didn’t mention that you should also tease her, mess with her before this stage to set a playful tone in the date. But yeah, this post is already too long to get into that.
So there you go
[–]Mind-Your-Language 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not OP but this is phenomenal advice. I'm putting this in my pocket as well. Thanks for writing it out!
[–]nordik1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Prime advice
I didn’t mention that you should also tease her, mess with her before this stage to set a playful tone in the date
Yeah, was going to say the palm reading part could also be leveraged to tease with some calibration if its setup right and shes already vibing
ex: "And this line says says that she is a very respectable professional business woman by day, but into some wild kinky shit by night"
If the attraction level is good and shes vibing beforehand, you're guaranteed to get a laugh and/or blush that can be branched off into more sexual flirting. Without calibration and being able to read the room, a goofy dude can dive bomb with this type of thing though
[–]Lakeyute 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do something more fun, that leads them somewhere where you can actually do something.
Coffee and walk around and talk aimlessly is boring.
Coffee and walk around and talk eventually ending up at your place for whatever reason, shows purpose. Even if you don’t get laid, you’d still have gotten further than any hug would take you.
[–]Mistermistery101 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hey bud, my post was to long so I'm going to split it up to 3 parts to satisfy the post limit. Also will send it to you via chat just in case the order gets mixed up with others replying to it.
Part 1:
I feel for you brother. And I also respect you. Because you did what most people on here who complains don't: you actually put yourself out there. You have a sample size of experiences. You've been on 25 dates. I've even been on 25 "official dates". But I have slept with over 40 women so far. I'm 25 now.
I'm going to answer your question sincerely because I respect that you've already put yourself out there and gained experiences, and I truly enjoy the idea of you having a better experience with women. You deserve it. This is going to be long, so grab a snack, grab your crayons and take notes. And please read until the end. Took a while to make this.
First Step: what are you looking for
And you can be honest with yourself. Fuck what anyone on reddit tells you. Fuck what society tells you to want at your age bracket. Fuck what you parents want for you. What do you want in a relationship? Truly. Casual sex, one night stands, fwb relationships, long term relationships, polyamorous relationships, etc? Figure that out and move on to the next step.
Step 2: Express your sexual interest
So to answer one of you're questions, I suspect the main reason why all of your dates don't work out is in fact because you give off too much of a "nice guy" or a platonic vibe. At the very least, you're not giving off a sexual vibe. And this is a lot of guys sticking point. They think it's rude or inappropriate to express those type of energies on the first date. That's complete bullshit.
What's the main difference between a friend a girlfriend/fwb? You're fucking the latter and not the former. What is needed for you to be fucking the latter? Sexual interest. No matter what you answered in step 1, you still need to have sexual chemistry. You have to show her sexual interest. And you have to see if she shows you sexual interest in return. If she gets absolutely 0 sexual energy from you, then of course she won't see you as anything more then just a friend (or more likely, a date that she won't want to repeat again). So again, you have to start getting more sexual. How do you do that? Thanks for asking. You can start with simple sub communications. Have piercing good eye contact. Get into the habit of only looking away from her eyes after she breaks eye contact first. And sometimes even when she breaks eye contact, remain staring. You won't believe how effective something as simple as this is. Another thing is your body language. How relaxed are you. Do you seem tense? Are you fidgety? Well cut it out. Be comfortable in your own skin. The best way to do this for me is to be outcome independent. Meaning, don't give a flying fuck what happens in this date. You're not on the date to get validation from her. You're here to see if she's the type of girl for you. That simple change in perspective will help you get comfy. Other than that, meditation helps. Finally(there are more but these 3 should be good enough) Slow down when you speak, and speak with good tonality. You want to slow down the way you speak and also get into habit of speaking confidently. this video is a good starting point, but YouTube more videos if you know this is a big sticking point for you.
[–]Mistermistery101 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Part 2:
Step 3: Polarize her
If the girl already has very high interest in you(i.e showing sexual interest, i.e playing with her hair, touching, flirting with you), then step 2 is enough. You don't have to over do it. In fact, you should also get into the habit of always doing the bare minimum. As in dont over do anything. Only speak enough to get a point across. And if there's something you can get across with just your facial expression, do that. I digress. The point is, have a regular conversation, maybe a little flirty, and invite her to your place if she's already showing very high interest. Third step is to polarize. The non verbals in step 2 will polarize her. But other ways would be to flirt with her. Saying something like "you have really sexy lips" while staring at her. And again, only breaking eye contact when she does. Flirting is the single best way to polarize a girl. Polarize means this: giving her a choice on whether she wants to pursue you sexually. When you flirt with her, and even with the eye contact, one of 3 things will happen. She'll respond positively. She'll respond negatively, or she'll have no response (i.e try to act like it didn't happen). And all of those responses are good.Because it gives you feedback on whether or not she's sexually interested. If she gives you positive feedback, then you escalate. If she gives negative feedback (i.e she looks uncomfortable or verbally tells you to stop) then it's very likely the date will not work out between you too. And tbh, I would end the date shortly after if it was me.
The interesting response is no reaction. What to do? What to do indeed. My answer is this, to also escalate as if she gave you a positive response. Why? Because there will be a point when you continue escalating when she will give you a positive or negative response. And if that point never comes, then she's most likely just shy(but possibly soaking wet). For example: you meet her and start with really good, relaxed eye contact. Escalate into light flirting. Get a little more daring with stronger flirting like rubbing her thighs. If still no response, escalate further and go in for a kiss. If at no point she stops you then you're good. Because if she truly not attracted to you then she wouldn't allow that. I'd wager, by the moment you escalate to touching her physically will be where she gives a clearly negative response. If not, then trying kiss her would do it
Step 4) escalate
Regardless of what you want in a relationship (step 1), verifying if she has sexual interest in you (and obviously you towards her) is paramount. Like I said in step 3, polarizing is the main key in finding that out. So what is escalation rhen. Escalation is getting incrementally more daring with your flirts. Going from non verbals, to light flirting, to sexual inuendos, to asking sexual questions, to flirting while rubbing her thighs would be one example of a good escalation. An example of bad escalation would be going from saying hi to for the first time, to attempting to put your dick in her mouth. Escalation is good for slowly getting her more comfortable in you while also increasing sexual attraction towards you. She'll also see you as more of a man because, believe me, most guys do exactly what you do on dates: keep things platonic. My personal rule in a date is that if I don't have sex with this girl on the first date/meetup, then we aren't compatible and continuing anything else with her would be a waste of time. But I'm just very picky with the type of girl I want
For you, and in general for everyone else reading, simply getting to the point of kissing a girl on the first date is good confirmation that she finds you sexually attractive and having a second date is not only likely but in your best interest. So escalation is getting to the point where she feels close enough and attracted enough in you to kiss you, by incrementally polarizing her(expressing your masculine, dominant, sexual side).
Now all of this is very basic stuff, and there are subtleties that I won't mention because it would make this already long post longer, and It might confuse you. What I given you is enough for you to go out there and start practicing, gaining some experiences, and honing in on what works and what doesn't. Which brings me on to the last step:
Step 4: practice & trial and error
None of this is going to work, obviously if you don't apply it. On top of that, I personally don't think you'll be able to handle juggling all of these techniques in your next date. You'll pussy out. I'm 90% positive. So here's what I suggest. Focus on one thing at a time and build from it. For example, on you next date don't even worry about what happens with the girl. Don't worry about flirting with her, or trying to kiss her. Just focus on practicing step 2: non verbal communications. More importantly, focus on your eye contact. Watch a YouTube video on it if you have to. here's one short video on it.
Here's a longer video that shows really good application of it. Watch the full video.
I promise you that practicing and getting good with step 2 will greatly affect your results and you will be getting better dates, and more second dates. From there, once you feel comfortable with step 2, just build. Integrate techniques from step 3. And so on and so on. Above all else, learn from your own experiences.
[–]Mistermistery101 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Part 3:
Conclusion: the hard part is technically over. From your post, you already have the ability to attract girls via online dating. So getting a date shouldn't be hard. And to answer another concern you have, I don't think you're ugly. Online dating is inherently a superficial place. The only real info girls have of you is some bio, but mainly your pictures. If you're getting girls to match with you and are having them go on dates with you, that's an indicator to you that you're appealing enough for them to take time off of their schedule to come see you. All you have to do now is go on more dates and actually apply what I said up top.
just a few notes before I end this
-Polarizing is a good thing. If she ends up turning you down, don't take it as a failure. The purpose of Polarizing is not to hypnotize girls into liking you. It's to find the girls who like you by expressing your sexual interest. You will find girls who simply don't find you attractive upon meeting you, and no type of seduction will make it happen. That ok. That the name of the game. Polarize will give you an answer during the date itself whether or not she likes you. Women, in general, can't fake attraction. They can't help but react to man polarizing her, whether positively or negatively. Watch her behavior, not what she says.
-dating is not about the girl. It's about you. Girls come and go, but you remain. Don't change how you do things for a girl. I promise you, that it will end badly either in the long run(she won't like you) or the long run(she will screw you over during a relationship). Never lose yourself.
-dating sites are infamous for being a hookup app. Which is fine, especially if that's what you're looking for. And it actually makes more sense why you're not getting results if you aren't being more flirtatious/sexual. Anyways, my point is if sex is your main goal (even if it's just for now) you don't even have to go on dates. Like I said, I've slept with over 40 girls and I'm sure like half have been from asking a girl on tinder or bumble to come over my place. And I fucked her without ever going on a first date with her. Now this is a whole other conversation, so lmk if that's what you want.
-almost positive that you're going to be scared to do most, if not all of what I said in this post. Because you're not used to it. Because you probably feel like it's WAY too forward on the first date. And I get it. I really do, but listen here boyo. What you've been doing before has obviously not been working. Wheres the risk in trying an alternate (and pretty good if I do say so myself) option? I challenge you to follow my advice for the next 25 dates you have and get back to me. Message me or whatever. I promise you your dating life will change. But you have to do the work.you have to practice. You have to be ok with fucking up sometimes while your learning. Again, it has nothing to do with the girl and has everything to do with you. There might be a situation where you go on a date with a complete stunner, you follow my advice, and it doesn't work. Trust me, it wouldn't have worked to begin with. You just polarized her and she gave you a negative response.
-Everything I wrote is with the assumptions I made about you in your post. I still don't know the full story of you. I still don't have the full picture. I don't know if you're a virgin, I don't know if you are inherently and deeply socially awkward. I don't know shit. So if there's more information you think will help me give you better advice, shoot me a message.
All I ask is that you try. And keep me updated. Send me a chat if you have any questions. Good luck
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
dude this is literally me let's go out for a drink and hit on 2s together haha
[–]RedLantern- 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Escalate. And stop being boring.
Stop trying to have genuine intellectual conversations and start having more fun, light ones.
[–]vardarac 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
It was nice meeting you, or you're a nice guy.
This sounds pretty textbook "I don't see you sexually." That doesn't mean you're ugly or unattractive necessarily, it might just mean you're not creating any sexual tension and she, being on the fence, falls to the side you don't want.
no connection, nothing in common, no chemistry
"No spark" is generally what my last paragraph says, but this suggests to me that your conversation doesn't build much of a connection or envision much of a fun future between you and her. It's one thing to talk about yourself, but do you find that you feel similarly to her about any of your interests or hers? Does she actually seem to be having fun? You want, more than anything, for the date to be memorable, not just a smooth exchange of information.
[–]itzReborn 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How do you create sexual tension on a coffee/walk date
[–]vardarac 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lmao i only know its a problem because i don't do it either. i'd ask /u/CompetitionFair7686 , he appears very good at avoiding "straightforward" conversation and keeping things fun/flirty
[–]max_insa 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
You're acting as a friend to girls who want a lover.
You get treated like a friend by girls who wanted a lover. That is to say, you get rejected.
You gotta make clearer moves and have an actual direction, not just wait for a 2nd or 3rd date for things to magically happen. Girls won't have the patience to wait, they'll just go back on the app and find another guy who's sure to make a move on the first date.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you ever try to kiss her after the first date? Do you flirt with her and keep it from being platonic?
[–]Stujitsu2 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you are giving a friend vibe. Go for the kiss. If she kisses back ask her on a 2nd date but wait 4-5 days of no contact before you ask for 2nd date. Keep it to one date a week for a bit until she actively reaches out to you.
[–]jimbo9971 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the truth and anyone saying anything other is full of shit. Dating apps are a waste of time. I’ve been there in the exact same shoes. Dated a lot of woman during uni most leading absolutely nowhere. The reality is most woman on dating apps are boring af.
Cold approach is king, you decide who you go up to get really good at socialising and you get to determine if she’s good or not. You will pull way higher valued woman in both looks and personality.
Just to prove this point are these woman mostly less attractive then you? Exactly cause it’s online and woman have the advantage flip the script be a MAN and do it old school
[–]Illustrious-Leg439 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Forget the small talk and don’t talk about school/work. It’s boring.
[–]INeedAboutTreeFiddy_ 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't do coffee dates... Drinks or some activity
[–]daddysgotanew 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You must be an autist. A Chad autist but an autist nonetheless. I haven’t had 25 dates in the past 8 years.
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