Sometimes I wish I was not autistic. I know that sounds bad but it's how I feel in these types of circumstances.

TheNerdsQuest · 2021-10-24T13:41:32+00:00

If you are already getting phone numbers then I think you are already most of the way there. I would focus on learning about the specific things you are struggling with like escalation and turning getting a phone # into getting an actual date.

(I am also on the spectrum)

BigStudley01 · 2021-10-24T12:54:30+00:00

Here’s the thing about our “diagnoses.” It doesn’t matter - it will be an obstacle because you make it an obstacle to your own psyche. ASD, ADHD and so many other things that “are wrong” with us are not defects…they’re features. Adaptations for human survivability.

Don’t number yourself some average weak ass number… you are a King…the scale is broken…you don’t even need to rate yourself.

It doesn’t really matter if you are ASD or missing an arm….in human sexuality, confidence in yourself is the magic key. You’re already completely whole.

phillypiston · 2021-10-24T16:00:59+00:00

Everyone is dealt a hand in life and expected to play the game. This may sound harsh but the sooner you come to grips with reality, the better. Whatever the handicap, there are dudes who have it worse and are able to pull in the girls. It may take more work but do you want to be alone or not?

You're still in school so take advantage the proximity and easy access to women of similar interests. The best gift you can give your future self is putting yourself out there and taking your lumps NOW. Younger women are more open to potential mates, not as discriminating, and "fall in love" much quicker. Older women are less forgiving, more status oriented, and have higher expectations/standards.

Take advice from this old guy: It will never get easier, only harder.

SorroWulf · 2021-10-24T18:21:58+00:00

So, I've never gotten an official diagnosis, but I'm almost certainly on the spectrum. And I also struggled for a long ass time.

Here's a few things I'd focus on:

Body language -- With everyone. There's a lot of good youtube videos about it. Generally, the more comfortable with you a person is, the closer they want to be (to a point) Just focus on how different people respond in conversation. When you hang out with friends, focus on the distance from you they prefer. Try moving 5-6 inches closer to someone (Just once, don't chase them across a room) and see if they stay where they are, or if they back up a bit.
Social Anxiety -- This one came with a lot of hard work for me, I found it really helpful to just strike up conversations with strangers. Gas station, grocery store, etc etc. I still do this for practice. Pick someone who looks like they may be receptive, and just give them a genuine compliment, "Hey I really like your: shoes/car/tattoos/hair color/dress/mustache."
Focus on having a good time -- Hook-ups are fun and all, but no one wants to spend time with someone who's not enjoying themself. When you go out to the bar, change your goals up. "I'm trying to get laid" every minute at the bar you don't spend talking to girls feels like a losing moment, and it shows. Make your new goal "Relax" or "Have good conversations" or "Just dance" or whatever shit interests you. I really like reading, and I like whiskey. Straight up, I will go to bars and read a book, and almosts always someone interrupts me to chat.
Don't get discouraged -- sometimes its just not your night, and that's ok.
Take people at face value -- Most people given the chance, will just tell you the truth. Don't look too hard for hidden meanings.
Don't bring up ASD -- Now, I don't mean never, I don't mean lie. I say this solely based on getting the feeling you bring it up in a self deprocating manner. Self deprocation as humor is funny, it shows confidence and comfort, but when you bring stuff up just to bring stuff up, it comes across as a lack of confidence. Easy example: I'm a short guy, occasionally people will make comments about my height (and it's almost always a Shit Test, to see how you handle stupid comments) I've trained myself to just laugh and play along, often trying to 1-Up their short joke.

All in all it sounds like you've got the foundations down, you just need to start following through. Stop thinking about your ASD diagnosis as a handicap, and start thinking about it as just another part of you. If someone refused to date/sleep with you because you have brown hair, or over your height, or an accent, you can't change that, and that's on them. That's their loss, not yours. Don't waste time and energy on people who don't care about you. Focus on the ones who do.

chriipping · 2021-10-25T05:40:13+00:00

So, something that really stood out to me in your post was all the people you told about being a virgin/having ASD. My guess is that you are telling them your problems to try and fix them which is something I understand far too well.

Your problem is that you want it too bad. You have got to just stop caring. Let me put it to you this way: would you rather be a confident single guy who puts his own self respect before pleasing other people, or someone who is not confident and always second guessing themselves? Someone who needs validation from other people.

I would rather be single for the rest of my life if it was between my self respect and a woman. Now this may not be your issue exactly, but I have ASD and I am also a 22 y/o male believe it or not. And I can only tell you what I have come to for myself.

This post really hit home actually.

Jdaddyk07 · 2021-10-24T18:32:19+00:00

What does being autistic even mean anymore? When I was in school autism was only used to describe people with sever mental issues and stunted personalities. Like a 20 year old who has the mental capacity of a 5 year old.

I have no idea what it means today. Based on your writing skills, I don't understand what the problem is here.

Edit: Maybe I'm thinking of down syndrome. Either way, I don't understand what the "mental disorder" is

Keanuisawesome69 · 2021-10-24T17:42:29+00:00

I have ADHD and constantly do well on tinder and in real life building game with confidence is what matters . Never be afraid to improvise or try new strategies and techniques!

Nofapdeity · 2021-10-24T18:25:15+00:00

Don’t even mention it then. I wouldn’t mention it especially right away.

baddog992 · 2021-10-24T18:34:28+00:00

My advice just keep pushing yourself to be a better you. Just keep trying. Read and or watch videos on how to talk to women. Talk to your friends and let them know your looking for a date. I was a late bloomer myself. I pushed myself to be a better version of me.

intensely_human · 2021-10-24T19:49:11+00:00

Autistic people start out slow on the social front, but long term we have the advantage because we see so many more cues.

SpecialistDesk9297 · 2021-10-24T23:21:28+00:00

Confidence is key above looks. You don’t need to tell anyone that you are on the spectrum or that you are a virgin. You are a person who’s looking to vibe with someone that’s it.

Jdaddyk07 · 2021-10-25T10:50:14+00:00

So, here's the deal man. Most of the things that are required to talk to women can actually be taught. Look at getting a job in some sort of sales role. Maybe retail, T-mobile, Apple stores, etc. Find a sales job where they will teach you how to talk to people, general body language items, how to read facial expressions, etc..

Also, there are great resources online as far as sales and reading people are concerned.

There's a cool book called "What Every Body is Saying" that discusses body language queues.

Either way, its going to take some effort, but you can actually do this. Otherwise, maybe consider going to college for a psychology degree. Then you can literally spend your life learning how to read people.

Like I said, its not an innate skill and you can learn these things if you know where to look =)

Edit: And, its a marathon not a sprint. Learning to communicate with people (not just women) takes practice and a lot of time. It's not something you'll immediately get amazing at over night!

Keanuisawesome69 · 2021-10-25T12:45:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Sometimes I wish I was not autistic. I know that sounds bad but it's how I feel in these types of circumstances.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	54
Comments	22
Date	October 24, 2021 12:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qer7i0/sometimes_i_wish_i_was_not_autistic_i_know_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/sometimes-i-wish-i-was-not-autistic-i-know-that.1273683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1273683

Comments