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[–]gazija762 132 points133 points134 points 6 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link
Thats all good bro keep it going. But of course room for improvement. Try to tease her a bit for being clumsy or something that you find interesting. Also hold eye contact until she looks away while smiling or making a funny face just be free and do what is fun for you. Keep up the good work and if you need more advice hmu
[–]throwaway487921 34 points35 points36 points 6 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I definitely kept eye contact in class when she was smiling (I was smiling back too). I can’t really keep eye contact while walking but occasionally I did turn my head to look at her.
The teasing part is another thing I still have to get comfortable with. I can tease girl friends I’ve known for a while but I’m still getting comfortable with holding conversation with a girl I barely know.
[–]gazija762 70 points71 points72 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Look what you said, "comfortable". You will not sucseed in life if you wait till you are comfortable. Get outside of your bubble and be uncomfotable get that rush of adrenaline when you smile back to a girl when you approach her and learn to like it because those situations will make you really grow. Man go and just tease her, you have nothing to lose. There are milions of women out there and I talk from experience. There is nothing comfortable with pushing your boundries. Go and be uncomftrable kick some ass and feel fucking masculine about it cuz you own this shit. Approach women like they are all into you even tough they are not say it to yourself and act like it. It will give you good amount of confidence. And very important DO NOT PUT WOMEN ON A PEDESTAL because they will walk over you like a door mat. I hope I helped and if you want more advice I can coach you. There is soooo much knwoledge I have to share but I cant fit it into this reply. I hope O was of some help
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Awesome advice! Needed to hear this myself.
[–]CitizenKeane 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What the fuck even is this reply, "lmao bro just be a man fuckin get her number". This is like a parody of all the worthless, easy to spout nonsense that fills this sub.
[–]Dick-Wraith 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It sounds silly but the advice to men to be outgoing and confident is exactly what women are attracted to.
[–]maxwe11 -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Amazing, I'm very willing to bet you aren't very good with women.
[–]gazija762 -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And why do you think so?
[–]cravingsal 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
no NO dont tease. the piercing compliment id nice. DONT listen to these annoying men🥺 i beg you.
and you also DONT HAVE TO DO what you’re not comfortable yet with. better to do the stuff you feel confident doing. that’s all you need, confidence
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I never tease to make a girl feel bad about herself. My goal in teasing is to make her laugh and say something like "stop itttttt" because it clearly shows that she's enjoying it. But in order to figure out my boundaries in terms of teasing, that's why I also want to establish who I am with a girl before I start teasing.
I haven't done much in terms of teasing but the first example that comes to mind is when I teased a friend about her thumb being abnormally large (the pic she sent had a weird angle) even though we both knew it wasn't. Since then it's turned into basically an inside joke between us.
[–]Das_Teacher 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Listening to girl's comments on seduction is like listening to a deer telling you how to load your rifle and aim.
Women don't know shit about women, OP, and will play safe on every opportunity, as shown here in the form of encouraging you to stay in your comfort zone and only push boundaries slowly. And this is not how you life.
[–]cravingsal 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
this entitlement is what has driven me into avoiding men. yeah srry for actually knowing what i like
[–]RaptorMan333 -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly.
[+]User1440 -6 points-5 points-4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Teasing is of bad taste and a red flag the guy is a redpiller
[–]gazija762 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You guys clearly dont know what teasing means and you probbably suck at it
[–]KND_DNK 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Not OP, but could you give an example of how to tease in this scenario or in general? I believe that’s what I suck at.
[–]User1440 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
People that tease or criticise in a way are outing themselves at making the other person seem imperfect so they can get the upper hand. Teasing does not work if the other person notices it's a bluff. You need someone with real low self esteem for that one, which just means your self esteem is even lower than theirs
[–]Weedcrab 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Teasing can be playful and flirty and teasing can be annoying and just too much. It's all about finding that sweet spot of funny "roasting" and being nice. Teasing works very well because it makes the girl wonder if you're actually into her or you're just having playing around and having fun with her. Mystery is appealing to everyone. The latter is sexuslly appealing to girls, because it's a demonstration of self assurance. It's similar to the roasting guys do to guys, it just builds rapport and fun-ness. It also makes you come off as confident because it shows that you clearly don't care what other people think of you and that you're simply out to have a fun time. Girls LOVE to be teased, regardless of what anyone says. And of course it should go without saying that girls love self-assurance, confidence, and having fun. Teasing is a demonstration of all this and girls are into, I've seen it time and time again from personal experience, and I've had girls admit to it too. Obviously it's all about not crossing the line into it becoming disrespectful. Playfulness and confidence is where its at.
[–]User1440 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Only for submissive masochistic women, confident ones see through the bullshit
[–]Weedcrab 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Okay. If that's the case, 90% of women on the planet are submissive and masochistic.
[–]User1440 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly why "dominant" women charge and get the "alpha" men but most people will never see that.
[–]User1440 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ah yes, the good old neg yo try to make her feel bad, because nothing makes you seem "better" than criticising her for no reason at all
[–]Weedcrab 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
See my comment directly above yours about teasing, you obviously don't know what it's about, man.
[–]skuttt 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Teasing any negging are different. But you seem pretty compelled to maintain that teasing is evil so I’m not wasting time explaining the difference to you. Only writing this for the benefit of people who aren’t closed minded and should read up on it.
[–]gazija762 -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is a clear difference between criticising and teasing.
[–]AsurasPath23 23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
You are fine. Girls are human, just don't put them on a pedestal. This sub lacks people like you actually, seems like we have quite a few pros, but in reality they complain about everything. The sole reason I joined this sub was to conversate with people like you.
[–]throwaway487921 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
I’ve definitely stopped putting girls on pedestals. The only reason I’m focused more on this girl is just because she seems the easiest to approach and talk with based on how she responds to me when we make eye contact. There are other girls and I see them about as often as I see this girl, which is not that often.
I actually only recently started posting on this subreddit. I was more in dating_advice or relationship_advice since before college I only focused on one girl at a time. Now that I know I have to move a bit faster and talk to more girls, I think seduction is a better subreddit for this kinda thing.
[–]MisterB0wTie 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You could say something like 'Let's continue this over a coffee'. Girls are looking for relationship too, and she seems interested. Take time to get to know each other and you'll be fine.
[–]User1440 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
You're gonna have a hard time not putting a woman where she belongs if you ever intend on having a meaningful long term relationship.
[–]tredditr 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
do you want to say that women should be put on pedestals? if so - forget it. women don't like to be put on pedestals, they want to have a partner on their level that inspires them and that they can put effort in. if you already serve everything hot and tasty they will lose interest extremely quickly
[–]User1440 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That's only stupid ones that don't know what having it good is and are masochistic, takes a while for them to get it though
[–]apathetichearts 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
All the adult women I know that don’t have issues want a partner, not some dude that treats them like an object and showers them with gifts. Most actual adults want to build a life with someone and have a meaningful relationship.
They sure do but gifts never hurt or have you not seen animal documentaries?
[–]apathetichearts 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Didn’t say gifts hurt. Just that there’s a difference between having a partner and putting someone on a pedestal and worshipping them. And people have much more complex behavior, social norms, etc than any animal.
[–]User1440 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
There's a fetish for that and I'm happy to be a recipient
[–]apathetichearts 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can do whatever you want in your own relationships as long as it’s consensual. And I’m not opposed to sugar dating. But this is general relationship advice and you’re claiming only stupid masochistic women don’t want to be put on a pedestal and given everything when most adult women just want an equal partner not to be treated as an object.
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm not going to worship a girl, if that's what you're suggesting. The kind relationship I want with a girl is one where we're both putting effort into making the other party happy. That's what a meaningful long term relationship looks like to me. Obviously if she needs help with something I will help her but I'm also not going to be on her beck and call to do everything for her.
If you're not her #1 priority she is leaving. Women are looking for a man who will always be there because thats what a good father and husband is supposed to do. Provide and protect.
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I understand that but we're also not together right now. Just because she's my #1 priority doesn't mean I'm hers. I have to do things that make her want to do things for me in return. Don't you think a wife has to contribute to a marriage as much as the husband has to?
If she's going to give birth and raise children, she's contributed more than enough
[–]NYCMusicMarathon 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I’m gonna try some complimenting next time
Don't get too BETA, you are going to be in class with her.
Relax. You have plenty of time to see if there something beyond a pretty face, a co-ed, and nice demeanor.
Plus you need to talk to other also.
[–]throwaway487921 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I mean I don’t exactly see her around (different majors, dorms on opposite sides of campus). And class is cancelled for Friday so I’m not seeing her until like next week.
I really don’t want to rush things because I’m still getting used to new routines, especially studying a lot more than I currently am.
[–]NYCMusicMarathon 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You are a college kid, with a lot of unknown women filtering by.
You can talk to others and expand your horizons.
It is what you are supposed to do in college.
[–]throwaway487921 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I know I’m talking to more people.
[–]User1440 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is true, for both men and women college is a place to meet more of the opposite sex, nowhere else will you find more single, smart people ever again in one place for continuous periods of time.
[–]tredditr 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
oh man this alpha beta bullshit. everyone likes compliments, she will too. don't put anyone on a pedestal, but compliments are great
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I don't understand what's beta about a compliment. It's not even something super deep like "you have beautiful eyes" she clearly made a choice to get that second piercing so if someone says it looks nice she'll be happy that other people like it.
[–]ChumHut 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'f you want her to be always talking to you, which means that she's very interested, the number one thing to do is to "listen". If she tells you something personal to her, remember it. and I tell you right now, she would be always interested no matter what you two talk about.
Conversation and understanding each other makes you feel comfortable with the girl. The thing is, once you start doing this, you'll never be really shy. because when it comes to people, understanding someone is the most important thing to make them feel like they matter to you.
She probably will most likely feel like you just want to be friends if you just talk to her like that (as a friend) there's also times when she's the one that needs to speak with you first. Test her, examine how she acts around you. Flirt with her, do what you do and be confident to yourself.
If you are looking for a keeper, this advice would work, there are many, this is just one of them.
I am a 16 year old male, TBH I have a lot to learn from women, But this advice helped me so many times, so it might also help you.
Honestly I’m a better listener than a speaker since I’m on the introverted side and I don’t like talking. I do need to be less introverted and also start asking better questions that lead to more interesting conversations.
As for how she acts around me, she does the whole smiling at me thing a lot more with me than the other guys in my class. I don’t see her a whole lot outside class so I’m going to try to get a Snapchat or phone number from her when I see her.
The secret to asking better questions is to ask questions that you are generally curious about. This is a very important thing that I've learned from people on reddit, and it's the one true good way of keeping a conversation going. Don't wonder what she would like you to ask. Be genuinely curious, like you really want to know this person deeply. Obviously it helps if you're legitimately curious and interested in this person. That way you don't have to fake it
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You are learning bro. Exchange numbers with her. Tell her she can text you and vice versa. Keep chin up eye contact and approach. Gain confidence every day.
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m going to ask her for her Snapchat or number the next time I see her, which will unfortunately be next week since she lives on the other side of campus, we have no more common classes this week, and fall break is this weekend.
[–]justahappyidiot 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Something I had to learn/realize was I had this expiration date, must have now, mentality. Yes, sometimes prompt action is absolutely required. But sometimes you've got to let things play out.
Also at this point to her you're just a cute guy that seemed nice. She'll maybe give you a shot, but try to be there confident guy she enjoys picturing fucking her brains out, cuz that what she wants.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/201910/the-end-sex
Great read. I do want to be that guy, but another part of that same fantasy she may have is the appearance of that guy. I’m only 5’8” and while I’m mostly secure about that, even if I managed to get jacked I’m still not going to be the same as a 6’ tall guy that’s also jacked.
Still though, I am going to work on my confidence, and part of that is working out more so that I’m more confident in my appearance. I can’t mold myself to anyone’s fantasy but my own, and this is part of that.
As for letting things play out, I like taking things slow and enjoying the process. The frustrating part is that it’s never gotten me results in the past, only more girl friends. Sure, with some working out, confidence, and game I might be able to make something of that, but that’s all in theory.
[–]gmroybal 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The worst she can say is no. Always Be Escalating, friend.
[–]vaqq1 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
baby steps brother
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
That’s the plan. I also don’t feel ready to date because I’m still figuring out college and I want to focus on school before relationships. I just want to make connections and maybe in the future the connections may yield someone to get in a relationship with. I’m not super keen on hookups since I want to experience an actual relationship for the first time rather than just some one time thing.
[–]Yeetacus420 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well done lad that’s absolutely fantastic I think that the two of you will have a brilliant relationship weather that be a friendship or a romantic one
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah I’m still trying to figure out college so I don’t want to get in a relationship right now so I’m just trying to expand my network and what not. Maybe it will become a relationship, maybe it won’t.
[–]Yeetacus420 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am glad you have a positive outlook, I am 17 and in sixth form (a version of college here in the UK) and I understand why it’s really busy most of the time. I hope you can expand your network even more.
[–]Tokemoke 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude all it takes is just asking for the number. You could have talked to the girl for less than a minute and still got her number. The sooner you take these chances the sooner you will up the ante so to speak.
Yeah I’m going to get some kind of contact information the next time I see her. I don’t see her outside of class since she lives on the other side of campus, and we have different majors.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
All of this is good, But 20$ for a screen protector??! Pathetic!
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah thankfully I asked for a replacement since the first one broke and they sent me one. I actually walked with this girl because I was heading to the post office to pick up the replacement. But it’s useless since I have 2 more of the better ones left.
[–]yrogerg123 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm not going to critique any of this. It's such an important step to just have these conversations. Keep it up. 🙂
Thanks. I just want to get better at stepping out of my comfort zone and actually talking to a girl I don’t know.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Got ya. Approach other women in the mean time...
[–]NordRedditor91 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Be careful with giving compliments to women, only do it at the exact right time
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I don't shower girls with compliments, so I'm doing that right. I feel like I'm getting better at timing though. Today I was FaceTiming a friend at a different college and she was saying how her hair looks messy and I said something like "it looks natural" (wasn't trying to compliment just talking) and she still liked it so I guess it wasn't too bad.
[–]NordRedditor91 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That's good, keep it up bro. And much cred for your clever neg!
(it looks natural, it was neither a compliment nor insult, it's something clever in between that's open to interpetation, throwing her off balance), for those readers here that wonder why he said that in particular
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Oh that was a neg? Ah well thanks anyways haha. For that specific girl though I’ve been her friend for a few months (acquaintances for a few years), liked her but she didn’t feel the same way. So I guess that can’t go anywhere in the future, as much as I hope it’s possible with effort (I have a massive crush but distance is helping). Unless it can?
[–]NordRedditor91 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
If you get another shot, by all means take it, but in first hand I'd move on if I were you. Get over her and find another girl, there's lots of women out there and no point in wasting time on a woman that friendzones you. And unless both you and her are in full agreement to just be friends, like all the way deep down, she's very likely using you for free male attenion and validation, while she gives the fishbowl away to some badboy. Which is just one reason I recommend never to be "friends" with women, just toss her to the side of the road and move on, give your time and attenion to a woman who has earned it.
Yeah I understand hence I'm trying to do stuff like this post. I'm in a pickle because I still have some feelings, but I also don't want to burn a bridge and go NC just to get rid of them. But even if she did want to date me right now I wouldn't want to do an LDR, so there's really no point in thinking about her.
She gets a shit ton of male attention from the guys in her residence hall anyways (not that she's dating any one of them), but I still mean a little bit more to her because we've known each other for a while. I feel like the most I can do is suppress those feelings and just keep improving myself.
[–]NordRedditor91 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you don't want to "burn the bridge" and cling on to unrequited love/feelings, that's your choise, but it will do nothing but hurt you in the long run.
Severing that bond will set you free from the feelings of insecurity, inadequcy and pain that you feel right now, it's the choise I recommend and has worked best for me in the long run, and many other guys before me.
Not to mention that still being stuck on a girl that rejected you will only make your insecurities grow even more, halt room for improvement and sabotage future chances with the ladies as you radiate even more lack of confidence. Women have a very strong intuition about these things.
Honestly, I don’t even feel pain or insecurity from her anymore and that’s basically all because of distance. We still talk but it’s just chit chat and jokes at this point, nothing to do with emotional stuff.
She isn’t the person for me right now so that’s why I’m not even bothering with escalating that (nor should I). There’s plenty of cute girls on campus so really that (and all the much better looking guys) is what motivates me to get better.
I’m not ready to date right now not because of her but because I just don’t feel confident, which has nothing to do with what other girls think of me. I just don’t look attractive and that’s what I want to change.
I’ve gone through the whole “girl not liking me back making me insecure” with someone else and it sucks, but what I’m experiencing now is nothing like that because a larger part of me has moved on than I think.
Sorry for wasting your time with all this side plot. I really appreciate the advice, so I’ll take that to heart. I’m not even going to bother with the other girl until I’m at a place where I know it can lead somewhere.
I’m only wary about burning bridges because I’ve done it in the past and the pain from losing a friend hurts a lot more than losing an interest, not to mention that she’s in our friend group and burning a bridge with her would make things worse.
[–]BlkTwitterBannedMe5x 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude, you should have asked to go down on her. That's just my instinct, it works at least 1% of the time, so, ask 100 girls and your eating box within the next few days depending on how hard you work.
She seems to like me for who I am right now and while I do want to improve myself I also don't want to drive her away because I start acting like a pimp. I'm definitely going to be more confident because that's what attracts girls, but asking to go down on her seems like a bad time for me (I'm not attractive enough to say that off the bat).
[–]symptomunknown 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
U gotta smack her ass a little make her feel like a woman at least be handsy it's the little things that matter she ain't gonna be a wild slut on her knees sucking on it if u don't envision her as one that's the golden rule always envision her on her knees this way u can pummel right through the bullshit n shit tests if u show her how to be a slut she'll forver be a slut for u just remember that
I get that it's a primal urge but like I told the other guy, she seems to like me for who I am right now, and I don't want to drive her away by acting like someone I'm not. I will work on being more physical though since that's something I want to do more of in general.
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[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]justahappyidiot 3 points4 points5 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]gmroybal 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vaqq1 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yeetacus420 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Yeetacus420 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tokemoke 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yrogerg123 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NordRedditor91 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]NordRedditor91 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]NordRedditor91 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]NordRedditor91 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlkTwitterBannedMe5x 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]symptomunknown 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link