Direct approach: “can I sit down here?”

carpetsunami · 2024-04-06T00:38:34+00:00

They say in sales, never ask a question they can answer no to.

Plus, "can I" will trigger everyone's inner first grader "I don't know, can you?"

If you're asking to sit at a table/train seat with them when there are other places, it's going to be insta off putting, you need to do it when there are no other seats.

If you're sitting next to them on a bus etc, ask if they're saving the seat for someone and be cool when they say yes.

MrDownhillRacer · 2024-04-06T01:26:51+00:00

That makes her think "what does this guy want, and how long am I going to be stuck in this conversation?" It's, like, the same feeling you get when somebody whom you're pretty sure is a salesperson or canvasser or whatever approaches you and you're already thinking about how long you're going to have to listen to their pitch and how quickly you can politely escape the conversation. Or, you know, when somebody asks you something ambiguous like "can I get you to do a favour for me?" You're probably thinking, "Why are you asking me to commit to doing it before you tell me what it is? It's going to be something I don't wanna do, isn't it? Can you just get to the point? Why are you putting me through this shit?"

Just start with something of actual substance (a compliment, a joke, an observation, whatever) rather than the somewhat ambiguous "can I sit down here?" That's what the whole point of normal-ass openers and then stacking are.

I'm a dude and my anxiety would spike if somebody asked me "can I sit down here?" when plenty of other seats are available. Like, just tell me what you want, buddy. Now, if somebody came up to me and told me something funny or complimented my outfit or asked me a real question, I'd be happy to speak to them. And it's really the exact same shit with women.

6ee · 2024-04-06T05:16:13+00:00

Guy: Can I sit down here? Girl: sure you can sit down here. Guy: sits down there Girl: gets up and leaves to sit somewhere else.

lolothe2nd · 2024-04-06T04:03:12+00:00

If she rejected you it doesn't mean other will.. its ok to be rejected..

Savaaage · 2024-04-06T04:24:38+00:00

I done this before lol

Excellent-Archer-238 · 2024-04-06T00:55:56+00:00

It depends. Is there a real purpose to sit there?

If it's a food court and you are carrying a trace, it will be rare that they say no. If it's just you with no purpose other than trying to get into their pants, they will get defensive and say no.

Still, I wouldn't ask. If I had a trace with me and there's clearly no table to sit on my own, I'd say "hey, I'm sitting here to eat, hope you don't mind company for a few minutes.". Very unlikely that she kicks me out when I'm already there and with the purpose to eat. Then just start talking about whatever.

wenjtap · 2024-04-05T23:47:14+00:00

You gotta make her want you to sit down before you sit down. Otherwise you seem weird.

BarryBold8 · 2024-04-06T00:53:10+00:00

Is anyone sitting here, way better

Go for no is what cris Voss says.

brandonmadeit · 2024-04-05T23:56:00+00:00

Say hello first, and introduce yourself while sitting down

clawjelly · 2024-04-06T07:30:49+00:00

Asked a girl this a few days ago and she literally said, “no you may not sit down here.”

So? That doesn't make it a bad approach, just means that girl had other ideas.

Or is it better to just sit down and start talking?

Would you accept such a behaviour by somebody else? Probably not. So why would you do it yourself?

Cause in the first response I’ve giving them a reason to end the conversation right away

That's just the risk of initiating. Trying to eliminate that by being overly pushy is a bad approach. What most women like in men is confidence and humor. But you need an insane amount of confidence to play off being pushy as confident. So if you're asking such a question, i doubt you are that confident.

You're overthinking the approach, it's a very small part of the whole equation and hardly that relevant. In contrast to what a lot of people here think the first sentence is not there to convince the girl you're cool/awesome/the man. It's basically just there to get their attention.

Concentrate on the communication in general. The first 20 things said between you and here pretty much set the mood. And always be aware, that most women are far better in judging your intent and energy than you are hiding/faking it.

DaygameCode · 2024-04-05T23:55:14+00:00

You need to use a time constraint to relax their defensive state. Something like: I need to go very very soon, but… and then ask whatever you wanna do, that way they will relax knowing you are going away soon

PrinceDestin · 2024-04-06T04:55:51+00:00

I’ve used this line a few times and it worked, always asked you mind if I sit here, they should know what your after at that point sonic they say yes they might just be open to the conversation

charmingcarsalesman · 2024-04-06T08:17:42+00:00

It will depend on her interest, which will depend on her perceived value of you. If she doesn't look interested it's bad because it's overescalating

Makakka2002 · 2024-04-08T00:38:54+00:00

First talk for a minute standing that increases the odds massively

indranet_dnb · 2024-04-06T00:10:52+00:00

I just say “Hello! may I introduce myself?” and go from there

epimpstyle · 2024-04-06T09:33:20+00:00

Try this funny one:

Grab a chair from her table, lift it up a bit as if you want to take it, and ask the girl "Is this chair taken?" She thinks you want to take it and leave, but in fact, after she says "you can take it," you can put it down and then sit down...the sky is the limit.

However, give her enough space in the beginning to not make her feel uncomfortable because you are a stranger, but after a few minutes you can move closer or leave if you see she doesn't like your presence - be cool and funny, not a jerk.

Equal_Actuary_5614 · 2024-04-06T10:30:51+00:00

She did you a favor. You don't wanna be with a rude bitch

Title	Direct approach: “can I sit down here?”
Author	Environmental_Cress2
Upvotes	18
Comments	25
Date	April 5, 2024 11:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bwwwap/direct_approach_can_i_sit_down_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/direct-approach-can-i-sit-down-here.1514163 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514163

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