feel like i'm losing my self.

TheMinistryOfAwesome · 2016-02-18T18:14:29+00:00

Get off the girl. Set your first step to be smaller. Rather than some girl you're attracted to to hit on her... just ask her something indirect and innocuous.

In a worst case try to do it to a girl you're less attracted to. But i recommend starting with easier as a first step. Not everybody has the will/ability to just walk upto some random attractive girl and say "hey... you're cute..." for whatever personal reason. Ultimately if that's your block, do something smaller.

But fundamentally, and this might get a lot of heat, you either do or you do not. You can re-evaluate your steps to the goals you're trying to achieve but if you simply wimp out of everything you'll never get anything done and never achieve your goals:

1) Decide your goal

2) Identify steps to achieve your goal

3) Do it!

Most people fail on step three. If you fail on step three NO MATTER THE REASON you'll be frustrated, pissed off, alone and essentially unsuccessful at everything you try to do in life. Plain and simple.

(Tip: Stop thinking about how you feel about doing things, if you've intellectually decided what you need to do - take feelings and emotions out of the equation and just do it - doesn't matter how you feel, doesn't matter how depressed you are, how fucked your past has been how many factors you have against you. You don't do it, you won't succeed)

JoeDucard · 2016-02-18T18:25:48+00:00

Sounds like you need to work hard on yourself first man. If you aren't happy with yourself then girls definitely wont fix it. Tony Robbins was one of the first guys who helped me change my perception. I strongly suggest getting into his material. You're way too hard on yourself

TRPboys · 2016-02-18T21:27:56+00:00

I think taking action with girls is connected to what you do in other areas of your life.

I have personally started waking up earlier, lifting and trying to eat healthier lately, just more lean meat and veggies compared to before with frozen pizzas and pasta etc.

Going for walks at night instead of watching TV, and for me it has started to change my attitude on things. Alot of the time when i got home from school i would make dinner and then sit down on my computer and not get up for the rest of the night literally not do anything else. As i have done this it has started to translate into other areas of my life. It took me a few monts to ease into everything and do it properly, so i would really recommend giving it a go for a while without expecting results right away.

It is like a compound effekt because i just started with the healthier eating, then came the lifting. Then i wanted to wake up earlier and now i have started going on walks to clear my mind(had trouble sleeping). I have also been looking into meditation lately.

tl;dr you can start with other areas of your life, eating and exercise habbits. They will make you accustomed to take action from my experience

daddymonsterpoodle · 2016-02-19T07:40:16+00:00

Men are doers. When we don't do, we get depressed. Its that simple.

Fumblz · 2016-02-18T21:31:56+00:00

in addition to u/theministryofawesome

If you have a friend that is into this as well. Or just wants to pick up girls.
Go out and make each other approach. Challenge yourselves to do it and you will see how great of an experience you will have right after your first one. The first one is always the hardest but really after that you will want to do another 10 approaches.

Also if you live in a populated city, join pua forums and see if anyone wants to join you or help you out. There is always someone willing to help.

nofaprecommender · 2016-02-18T22:18:54+00:00

Try r/nofap. It's been known to help people in your situation.

StevieBoyB · 2016-02-18T23:19:31+00:00

I know this sounds cliche dude but it really is absolutely true, you build the self esteem and good feelings within yourself not by getting the result but by taking action which pushes you past your challenges. So if you approach and don't get a number or something, the fact that you had the guts to approach should make you feel a lot better. That's how you turn it around.

third-eye-brown · 2016-02-19T00:15:31+00:00

Work on these aspects of your life, as you improve each you will feel your depression begin to subside:

diet / nutrition
sleep (8 hrs, same time each day, no lights on / don't fall asleep to TV)
exercise
social
creative
work
relationship / sexual

Most people don't realize happiness isn't a "default" state of being, and that depression is a little like a stomach ache for your brain. You can't just trick yourself or will yourself into being happy any more than you can eat 3 lb of candy for dinner and will your body to feel good about it.

I go through periods where I feel just absolutely terrible and hopeless and empty, even though logically I know I'm in a pretty good situation, better than many people. Then I'll feel more depressed that I feel depressed when things are objectively not that bad. After a while of studying that phenomenon, I read something and it clicked. I was neglecting one of those subjects I mentioned above. Now when I feel like shit I can see which I've been neglecting and work on it properly.

Usually it's sleep, food, or exercise, because they take up a lot of time. Really succeeding in those three areas by themselves for a month or two (every day!) can completely change your life. When is the last time you woke up fully energized, and excited for the day? That actually happens when you take care of your body and mind.

jefffffffff · 2016-02-19T02:56:49+00:00

2 things you should do as little games.

Maintain eye contact with every girl you walk past. Train yourself to breakaway last, and then breakaway right after she does and look to the side.
Ask girls for the time because your "phone is dead".

Start small bro if youre overwhelmed

TonyDAbsolute · 2016-02-19T03:24:24+00:00

Save up, hire a coach.

RedGuyRedPiller · 2016-02-19T17:45:51+00:00

In my experience, just saying a girl "I like you" without having success is better than say nothing. At least I feel free after I do that when I really want to say it.

Note: it usually doesn't work, but you will feel free and you will notice that you have guts and that will give you confidence in the long term.

Lutodownnow · 2016-02-22T08:22:55+00:00

I hear you. The worst part of life is waiting for the payoff then staring at it, going, "I swear I worked harder than this." I've attempted the unspeakable and came back to "friends and loved ones" you had barely ever seen giving you every cliche piece of advice or offering pamphlets of every sad support group before disappearing again because it's "uncomfortable" to talk about. Trust me, you're not alone in how you feel and a girlfriend or tons of sex isn't going to make it go away.

I can't really judge what could improve your situation because I don't know how old you are, your living/school/career situation or anything about your life in general but I know you're scared to say the truth: That shit fucking sucks for you and that's because the people around you don't truly care about your feelings or they wouldn't have pressured you into being so walled up that you can't say to strangers on the internet that shit fucking sucks.

And it's true. It's terrible right now. Especially for young people. The current generation was raised in an economical recession between the rise of tech careers to be taken seriously and taught in school and most regular jobs (service industry/drivers/sales) are quickly being replaced by automated systems. Dating is a fucking mess. You choose from made up, exaggerated profiles on the internet. Honest communication between people is at an all time low with sub-text texting and anti-social networking.

So how do you connect with the world, let alone, the people in it?

First, you're normal to feel that way and everyone is just as uneasy, cautious, exhausted and sad as you are.

Humans have a huge array of emotions and it hasn't been until recently that we've been force fed this garbage that we should only experience one or two of those emotions. It is not normal or healthy to be happy. Being unsatisfied means you have an untapped drive to accomplish more which is, simply, evolution, and completely healthy. It's normal to feel desperately sad because the world is not made for people to accomplish anything more than the mediocre.

Second, how do you overcome these nagging and sometimes debilitating feelings? Connect. Not specifically with women. With what you love in the world. Try wandering in the woods, by the beach, take a road trip by car, bus, train, plane. Find a geographical place in the world you feel truly comfortable then the hard work of figuring out why you feel at home there begins and creating your life around it.

You don't need a dating coach. I can tell you're a smart person because you've analyzed yourself enough to ask for help and anyone offering real help wont ask you for money. You'll do something great. And you may not realize you did until after it's done. But that will set you in the right direction.

Maxferny · 2016-02-18T21:40:32+00:00

Remember that gaming is about getting that girl, or at least for me. Gaming is a lifestyle, don't punishment is a great tool for some people but it might not be yours, you seem to want to go from 0-100, but sadly that's not how brains work. Everyone has a comfort zone, don't except to jump from being in bed to D day. Instead of kicking yourself every time you don't execute, just don't worry, talk to people around you, talk to the guy drinking coffee next to you. Just plant that confidence seed, and water it everyday. Don't try to use fertilizers just naturally grow it will take time, but time is all you need and the dedication to be constantly talking to people, to to talk to them, just to truly care how is the other persons day. Thats all I can help you with, try to hang out with friends that are more confident then you and have more energy, we are socials animals, we learn by seeing and doing.

BMD91_K · 2016-02-19T01:32:27+00:00

I highly suggest keeping a journal that you write in every single night. I do it now and it helps in so many ways. Start off tonight with writing about 10 things you are thankful for, nothing negative. Then starting tomorrow, write about the positives and negatives of your day. Start with the positives, anything from smiling at a cute girl you saw to getting a compliment at work from a coworker. All wins count. Then list the negatives. This can include what you explained in your post. The most important thing, however, is after listing the negatives, YOU LIST SOMETHING CONCRETE AND TANGIBLE YOU WILL DO TOMORROW to fix it. For example, I wrote earlier this week about how I had not engaged a girl I like in conversation all week, and how I felt like my window with her was closing. After writing that, I wrote that today, I'll approach her at lunch when I know she is free and ask her what she plans to do this weekend. As you can see, it is very simple but precise enough to where I know exactly what I'm going to do. Later that night when you are writing in your journal, you should have a new positive in which you held yourself accountable to what you said you would do and you took action, despite of how it turned out.

This helps a lot because self-reflection is key to self improvement. If you do this daily, you will hold yourself accountable to improving everyday. These small victories pile up and you'll soon see great improvement in a relatively short period of time. This is because you are working on yourself daily instead of just planning with no action, and you are much more self aware because you're reflecting on your days every night. In addition, journaling can be very therapeutic as well. I love venting in my mines and after laying all my feelings on my keyboard and reading it back, I find that I'm more calm and I can think more clearly as to how I'm going to respond or improve (its like seeing yourself from an outsider perspective, where its easier to see exactly whats wrong and what you need to do to fix it). I journal on my macbook, and there are plenty of apps you can look into that are great mediums for this. I highly encourage this. PM me if you'd like to hear more from me.

Title	feel like i'm losing my self.
Author	DontePua
Upvotes	19
Comments	20
Date	February 18, 2016 5:51 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/46fzhk/feel_like_im_losing_my_self/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/feel-like-im-losing-my-self.1402700 https://theredarchive.com/post/1402700

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