A little set up and background: I have used Matt Huston's EX2 and How To Train Your Girlfriend systems in the past. After lurking very hard on the /r/seddit and /r/askseddit communities - I bought Models by Mark Manson. I have synthesized the information and boiled it down to the essence of what these gentlemen are trying to say and covey to us (which will be explained). For future reading I will be purchasing No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover.

Field Report: Being that I am in law school, and since the law school was closed today, I went to the local community college to study. Why go there? I went there for demographics and for my lifestyle. I tend to be intellectual and one of the qualities I look for in a person is intelligence and dedication to those studies. Therefore, the library at the community college was a great place.

Aside from doing my actual work, I was also watching for anyone that I find attractive. There were two attractive girls (on separate occasion) who sat at the table in front of me. Unfortunately, approach anxiety got the best of me. This was bad. I was not conveying to others - and more specifically myself - that I was a confident, and therefore attractive, man.

I remembered that when you let this anxiety get the best of you, you are not being confident with yourself. That the worst BEST thing that can happen is rejection (reason why will be explained further in). Therefore, it should not be a big deal to go up to an attractive person and follow through accordingly.

An acquaintance of mine walked in and waived hello to me. We used to work together and I always had an attraction to her. I did not act on it because we worked together. I did this on the basis of "don't stick your pen in the company ink" - also knowing the regulations of sexual harassment - so I played it safe. I knew she also left the place where we worked together, so I decided to try and pursue that lead. I approached her and opened up conversation as I normally would have with her - based on our past experiences: "What in the world do you think you're doing here?!". Note that I used sarcasm only because I knew she enjoyed sarcastic humor from our past interactions. Otherwise, I would have open more neutral. She explained to me that she was struggling to study for a class in nursing. I took a shot at a cold read and made a statement (rather than a question) of "I'd struggle to know how to put needles and tubes into people". She responded with a quasi correction, that it was indeed about administering things, but she was working on pharmaceutical mathematics (I have no idea what the hell that is). But I quickly responded to her statement using a jump point. I told her a story about how there's a fun little showdown between the pharmacy and the law students on my campus. She responded with a giggle (positive indicator of interest) and asked me what I was up to (showing she was more invested in me than I was in her). I explained my work in sarcastic tone, and yet again got a positive response from her. Due to the fact that I was hungry, I asked her then and there if she would like to grab something to eat with me. She rejected my offer, but told me that she was on a diet and was trying to be good. I took that opportunity to polarize her (forcing her to realize my sexual and emotional intentions), by saying how she's already cute to begin with. She began to blush when I said this, however, she stated that she was dieting on a recommendation from a guy she was dating. Notice, she used the word boyfriend dating. What is a confident guy to do? In this situation, I realized she used the word dating (meaning she is not committed to him) and ignored the comment. We converse for a few more minutes, only because I really was hungry and wanted to eat, and I winded down the conversation. I decided to playfully tease her and to start packing up to get something to eat, thus walking away to show more investment in myself and showing confidence. She actually followed me to where my things were and tried to chat with me for a few more seconds and I gave a playful sigh and took out my phone and said "Put your number in my phone". She did, and after a few more seconds of conversation she went to class. To close up on this girl, about and hour and a half later I texted her

  • Me: It's ViviMan65. Nice seeing you today. We should do something and cause some trouble.
  • Her: Haha yes for sure! Sorry I couldn't grab something to eat! <Guy she's dating> was looking for me!

I purposefully did not text her back. Not because she mentioned the guy, but to keep the lead hot and to check her interest. I will give it about 24 hours until I suggest "You should come with me to x on Thursday".

In the same day, I went to go see my mother (who works at the college). I'm in no way attached to the hip of my parents, but I do believe having a good relationship with your family - one of the traits I also look for in an attractive person. For a joke, my mother likes to play some Fiddler On The Roof crap and suggest people to me. She isn't the best at judging what I look for, but I do hear her suggestions and follow up on my own discretion. She pointed out two girls and said they were cute. Having just gotten a phone number and my confidence boosted, I went over to one of them and introduced myself: "I know this is random, but my name is ViviMan65" and shook hands. Right off the bat, she was cold and distant. I erred on doing an approach from behind - word of advice: DON'T APPROACH FROM BEHIND. I could tell she wasn't into me. However, she was talking to another female and male friend. I shook hands with everyone else at the table. She was too deep into conversation with her female friend and after an attempt by me to cold read her off of a statement she made, she shut me down. Oh, well. I'm going to go home and quit for the day C'est la vie! I know that because she rejected me, we aren't compatible and she is saving me a lot of leg work figuring that out. Therefore I don't care and move on.

I noticed one other girl that my mother pointed out (my mother regularly chats with this girl and this girl knows I exist), but I didn't get something to eat yet and I decided that was more important than chatting up this girl. Some could say that is an excuse to get out of acting on my feelings, others could say this dude was legit hungry. However, I was redeemed. While standing in the lunch line, girl 3 comes into the cafe. I notice her, smile, we make eye contact, and smiles back and she looks away. Huh, interesting... While I order my lunch I tell the worker my name, and say I'll be right back. I have a limited amount of time to do this. I walk up to girl 3 and say "Excuse me, are you <Girl 3>?" To which she says yes. I extend out my hand and say "I'm ViviMan65, I think you know my mom... it's a pleasure to meet a cute girl such as yourself". She got a little red in the face and gave a giggle (because she knows my mom), and responded back positively. I also introduced myself to her friend that she was sitting with. Due to the fact that I have no other information about her I have to open with a question "What are you doing around here?" There's nothing else to go off, and I needed a statement of hers to create a jump point and then a conversation. She tells me her major and where she works (they sell Vera Bradley bags at her job). I use her job as a jump point and make a general statement to her friend and say "I bet you get the family discount on those bags from <girl 3>" after noticing they both have those designer bags. They both giggle, showing more interest. They explain where they got it and such, and girl 3 asks me what I do. I try and insert a little humor (successful) and explain what I did in undergrad and that I'm in law school. Just as soon as things could have gone south, the cafe worker calls out my name. I tell girl 3 that it was a pleasure to meet her and if I could get her phone number. She obliges and I get her phone number. I again texted her about 45 min later saying "Hey, it's ViviMan65. It was nice meeting you today." She hasn't responded back. But I am keeping the following rule in mind:

  • If she doesn't text back in 24 hours, this may be a negative sign
  • Still attempt to make a date - but if there's no response do it more than 24 hours later
  • If there's no response, you're job is done! Move on
  • Give her the 3 strike rule on flakiness: If it's a legit sounding excuse the first time - let it go. If it's another legit sounding excuse the second time - say this is the last chance. The third time, ignore and move the hell on - she is not worth your time.

All in all, I believe that I was successful post reading Models. I tried to apply the ideas as much as possible, and it could have has worked. I proved to myself that there is no reason to have anxiety in approaching attractive women. I could have polarized more with the women I did approach, but there possible future times in which that could happen.

tl;dr - Read Models. AA on two girls. # Close on girl 1, possible date and follow up FR to come. Rejected by girl 2, moved on. # close on girl 2, possible date and follow up FR to come.

edit: I forgot how to english