I wanted to post a couple of day-game approaches that happened recently to highlight a few things:

  1. The thing that matters the most, in my opinion, is the number of times you approach AND go for it. I believe this is 80%+ of the battle.
  2. Sometimes you'll have terrible interactions; accept that these will happen and move on to the next.
  3. Being well-dressed/groomed actually makes a BIG difference. Boys, suit up!

** Approach 1: back from gym **

Just had a glorious workout in the gym, and am walking home a mess (I shower at home). In gym shorts and a hoody, with my stain-wrenched shirt dripping from one hand. I notice a cutie, and glance over at her. I trip a bit and let out an "oh geeze!" partially to grab her attention. She glances at me quickly and rolls her eyes.

I call her out on that with "hey now - don't give me that look. I am not a crazy guy, just on my way back from the gym." (some may say this is qualifying myself to her and is a mistake. I do not think so - my appearance here is a huge hurdle and I needed to address it to display situational awareness, otherwise she'll think I am just completely nuts).

She giggles a bit and is mostly polite, though starts texting on her phone. This is a pretty strong indication that she has no desire to continue talking to me. It was an up-hill battle from the start, but all that can come from continued effort is my learning a bit/leveling up and perhaps winning her over.

I call her out "You're pretty good at multi-tasking. But it's a little rude!". No real effect. We chat some more, don't really find anything to vibe on. I'm about to turn to go down my street and figure I might as well go for it: "You're a little rude but seem cool - want to grab a drink sometime?". "Sorry- have a boyfriend". (big surprise haha).

The important thing, to me, is that I took a swing. Yes, it was nearly an impossible situation. Yes she gave me clear indicators that she wasn't interested. Determination and second efforts often work wonders. As long as I don't make her uncomfortable or over-step any boundaries, it's all good. Need XP to level up! :)

** Approach 2: Subway **

On my way to work, I was walking up the subway platform when I noticed a gorgeous girl walk by. I was feeling pretty groggy and was running a little bit late to work, but quickly recognized these for the BS excuses that they were, turned and followed.

Damn she walks fast. Went up the stairs, and finally just about caught up to her when a group of construction workers cat-called her (probably placing her firmly not in the mood for male attention, not helping the cause here).

I get within a few feet and notice my BS excuses again (oh, she looks like she's in a rush, I have to get going) - it's important for me to fight through these... I channel this into determination and open.

I tap her on her upper-forearm, and she turns. "Hey - I just saw you from over there and thought you were really cute. I'm Stark". She blushes, introduces herself. I believe redirecting after going direct is important - it steers the conversation away from the "oh you're so beautiful and I am totally sold on you from that fact" frame and more toward the "yeah i think you're cute and you know that. But do we vibe?" mind-set.

I ask her where she's off to, mention I work in the area, and I recognize she's in a big rush. I say "it seems like you're in quite the hurry. Would you like to grab a drink sometime?". I believe that anticipating and handling people's concerns before they bring them up is an under-valued key to social interaction... Now, ideally, I'd like to have chatted her up some more, but that didn't seem very possible.

She says yes. Had she said no, I probably would have wished her a good day and gone on... My time is better spent with less flakey girls. In the past, I would have done what is easy/comfortable - gotten her number and left... Numbers are only a way to continue logistics - the meet-up is what is important and she is far less likely to flake if she commits to something. I ask her what tonight looks like... She says she is going out for her friends birthday... I start to ponder about what time would work, but she just mentions I should call her. Ahh, not the best outcome but still OK.

I texted her the usual "Heya - Was great meeting you this morning! :) -Stark" about 45 minutes after (the main point is so she has my number and I interrupt her day to remind her of the morning goodness). She responds, apologizing for being so rushed, and says we should meet up. Strike while the iron is hot, for every day waited yields a higher chance of flakeage. I propose "Sunday or Monday at 8 better?". Several days later, we meetup, but this writeup about day-game approaches :)

** Did well **

  • resisting BS excuses that formulate and approaching.
  • handling logistics in second approach
  • staying in the approach habit, getting XP in the first approach.

** To improve: **

  • be quicker with logistics on making date
  • should have gotten the first girl giggling a bit more
  • should have had more quality vibing with the second girl... very little information was transferred