Having trouble flirting, connecting on dates

jewdai · 2011-10-06T14:55:11+00:00

You're doing it wrong. Don't Date. Hang out.

Be spontaneous and say, "Hey Im meeting up with a few friends to do X, want to join?"

"Hey im going hiking, you want to come?"

You need to create a more lax atmosphere for your dates, also remember don't sit directly across from your date; it creates a tense atmosphere.

Lastly, come prepared with fun interesting questions, things that if you were stiff you would ask: Would you rather be a pirate or a ninja? What's your favorite super power? Let me get your opinion on something, who lies more men or women?

Your goal in the conversation is to not talk about the immediate (oh nice dress) but the best conversations are ones that take their thoughts outside of the current place. "Oh this one time i was with my friends and we <insert story here>"

ISw3arItWasntM3 · 2011-10-06T15:26:02+00:00

Here's an idea from a post made a few days ago.

SmartSuka · 2011-10-06T16:35:53+00:00

I'm on a big r/nofap kick right now. Try not fapping for a couple of days, and you'll notice yourself being more flirty.

If you go to the sub, you'll find more scientific, and anecdotal evidence to support this as well.

Plus consider it a challenge...its fucking hard.

NilacTheGrim · 2011-10-06T16:19:23+00:00

Well what's on your mind at the time? Are you being really self-conscious and/or critical? Are you constantly guaging how well it's going? These kinds of thoughts can be distracting.

Here's a thought: since you have nothing to lose anyway (I'm guessing most of your dates end in boring failure) -- talk about exactly what's on your mind with your date. Don't do the small talk -- but really be yourself and talk about what's on your mind. Even if you think it's inappropriate. Like for example if all you can think about is having sex with your date, or that she's pretty, or has nice boobs -- work that into the conversation! Or if your thoughts are more innocent or neurotic, that's ok too. Or maybe a parent or a coworker is pissing you off constantly. Anything goes. Nothing like the truth to break the BS.

If it fails, well, that's the same result you had before. But.. you may get lucky and be with a gal that can relate to you. And that's when the magic happens. Also, there's something magical and liberating and special about just being yourself and letting others into your intimate thoughts -- it may fail often but when you get a person that can relate -- that person and you can really take it into the stratosphere together.

targetLocked · 2011-10-06T16:49:48+00:00

This article has helped me some. Try to dig deeper. Start with small talk, but get to the meat of things. Don't just ask where she's from, ask how she felt about it or why she wanted to move and how she's adjusted. Don't just ask what her job is, ask why she got into it and if that's her passion or she has other hobbies. Then pick up on things she says and give your own thoughts or anecdotes about it.

I've heard that it's good to do something active on the first date as well, so that you're not just sitting in front of each other thinking of what to say. I've had some success taking girls around the downtown area near my place and talking about the different spots and what I think. The people-watching thing the other guy linked to is really good too and you can work that into any activity.

iznou · 2011-10-06T18:14:45+00:00

Boy, do I have the best video for you.

El Topo got the whole seduction thing figured out, down to a T. It's all about conversation, sharing something about yourself, then digging a little deeper. Read this and learn about the full picture of seduction and sex.

Here's an interview between El Topo and a guy who calls himself the California Pimp.

And here's some infield audio from that guy, but it's some pretty "fast seduction" so don't think you have to do it that fast. This is all about conversation. Remember that first video, it has everything you need for deep conversation.

2011-10-06T18:42:05+00:00

I think dating really can feel like you're in interrogation or the hot seat. Break out of the norm date and do something. I've been more impressed at the dates where we go do something simple like go see a high school football game. Neither of us went to that school, but we live in the area now so we went to just have fun. The atmosphere was lively and distracting so we had lots to talk about without getting too serious.

You didn't mention how old you guys were in your post. If in college, go to college games or intermural games where you have friends playing, etc. Ask her to come watch you do something (I would love this because he wanted ME to be there), etc.

idomiralin · 2011-10-06T17:13:25+00:00

I think, that what you need to change, is your attitude first. You have to become comfortable and don't care about the outcome. A good method to feel comfortable, is to see her as your sister and tease her, make fun of her, bust her balls and so on. Good luck!

gozarthegozarian · 2011-10-07T19:53:44+00:00

You aren't flirting, conveying a sexy vibe, or having enough fun. You are getting friend zoned because you are being a friend and not a sexy man with potential to get it on with her.

Flirting School in Session-

Try some of this. When you see her at the beginning of the date check her out head to toe with your eyes and smile. Tell her she looks good or hot or sexy. Tease her if you want "Well you didn't have to get all dolled up sexy for me we are just going for a fancy dinner/drinks/insert activity here".

"You look good I might keep you tonight". "Play your cards right and this date might end well". "You can come home with me but I'm not promising you anything will happen".

Misinterpret what she says to make it sexual. What did you study in college? She says "Accounting". You say "Damn...that sounds sexy" or "Hot". Do it in a funny ironic way because accounting is not hot get it? You can also do it seriously if she says something remotely attractive like she used to be a dancer. "Hot. Dancers are sexy" or if she says "I used to be a dancer" you say "What? Like a stripper?". "No ballet" you say "I didn't know ballet dancers strip. I might have to go more ballet shows now. I had no idea".

When you are out to eat take a bite of food from your plate and hold it up to her face and say "Try this it's good" and feed her. Not the same thing as asking her "Do you want to try some of mine" and then letting her use her own utensils to cut a piece off your plate and feeding herself. See the difference?

Like everyone else said kino kino kino. Hug her hello at the beginning. Put your hand on her back or hand hold when you walk. Follow the Dicarlo Escalation Ladder.

That's just what I came up with off the top of my head. Create a fun, flirty vibe when out on a date and she will love it. Don't be so serious and just friends. You want to get sexy at some point so smile and hold eye contact. Let her feel your eyes on her. She wants a man not another friend.

Title	Having trouble flirting, connecting on dates
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	19
Comments	26
Date	October 6, 2011 2:50 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/l30qm/having_trouble_flirting_connecting_on_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/having-trouble-flirting-connecting-on-dates.1323472 https://theredarchive.com/post/1323472

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