How did you gain confidence?

liquidsys · 2011-09-30T02:54:13+00:00

Approach guys. Seriously. You're likely way more comfortable with guys than you are chicks, so just start approaching guys, old people, teachers you don't know, the garbage man etc.

Approach 3 to 4 new people you don't know every day. You'll likely start with simple things like "Crazy weather today huh?", but soon you'll be able to strike up an entire conversational thread with anyone, anywhere. You will be universally liked and could diffuse any situation.

Now you can approach girls you're sexually attracted to. Something tells me before you ever do this, they'll be coming up to you. Confidence is magnetic.

This is how I started.

TLDR; Read it, I took the time to write it.

cody_au · 2011-09-30T05:02:55+00:00

be good at stuff.
feel good about being good at stuff.
don't be mean to yourself calling yourself a dumbass/faggot/lame/loser.

_aserettt · 2011-09-30T02:36:48+00:00

Start lifting weights. Worked for me.

drumdance · 2011-09-30T14:37:01+00:00

Mark Manson used to have a post about how to baby-step your way into approaching, but I can't find it now. Basically, it boiled down to something like this:

Week 1: Ask 10 hot girls what time it is
Week 2: Ask 10 hot girls to recommend a good restaurant. Ask them why they like that particular restaurant
Week 3: Compliment 10 girls on their fashion sense (or something else situational)

etc

Bobsutan · 2011-09-30T05:26:07+00:00

Sorry, no magic bullets on this one. The only way to gain confidence is through competence and experience. That means approaching...a lot. Practice practice practice. The more you do it, the better you'll get, the better results you'll have. Eventually you'll get the hang of it and approaching will become second nature.

2011-09-30T08:03:20+00:00

ate the heart of a lion. trust me, it works

cody_au · 2011-09-30T05:11:51+00:00

How did you gain confidence?

Through failure, learning, and then success.

dmack96 · 2011-09-30T05:36:59+00:00

It will depend on your own values mostly, but if your values money will make you more confident, you're doing it wrong. I'm going to go with some pseudo-psychology for lack of better terms. And of course you can always change your values. Heres general examples

Relationship oriented: Some people see confidence as having a lot of friends. In which case you take the other suggestions of talk to guys and move onto that to create a group of friends. Try to become the social organizer that calls everyone else up to start a night out.

Appearance oriented: Its not shallow. Some people just believe your outward appearance reflects your inward self. Working out, dressing stylish, learning personal grooming techniques. The likes of that. Being appearance oriented isnt connected to being over critical of other appearance, thats just called being a douche.

Self Validating: You have an interesting life, why wouldn't someone want to date you? You have chosen to go out, try some new things, take a few dance classes, learn how to throw knives(persona goal of mine, choose your own). You read and are well informed, so you must be a pleasure to be around.

Of course being too far into one area is a bad thing, I would think most people are a good mix of the 3. But it helps if you know yourself, know what you want, and know whats important to for you to have in your life. Other than the adoration of all females.

howimetyourmeme · 2011-09-30T05:56:29+00:00

Three beers on a birthday one year, alone at a bar. I realized that I am pretty fucking awesome and that the only thing keeping me from talking to girls was my own fear. Helped me start approaching...something I've held on to, even without the beer.

henrikrh · 2011-09-30T07:33:35+00:00

Success breeds confidence, failure is the only road leading to true success. That said I think activities that are inescapably social help a lot. For example, go do some kind of social dance, swing dancing etc. or maybe an improv class. You will be forced into social interactions and they will become easier

sillymallard · 2011-09-30T08:26:03+00:00

Don't worry about the outcome of your interaction.

2011-09-30T11:51:54+00:00

When you don't give a fuck, can laugh at your own epic failures and learn from them.

Itsatrapski · 2011-09-30T06:06:58+00:00

With me it was more of an experience thing. I didn't do very well until I KNEW I had them at a disadvantage when it came to something, whether it be knowing the area or whatever. Now, I have no doubt that I can at least #close at any social event. The tricky part comes after that ;)

glassuser · 2011-09-30T07:57:27+00:00

How did you gain confidence?

Through doing, and learning from how you succeed.

2011-09-30T12:52:53+00:00

I really improved my confidence and Seduction game by having a "Mentor" which would be this subreddit. I started out low and took what I learned to a strip club, Which is a bit risque, but I gained alot of confidence from just always having a reaction, I asked for feedback from them and It was always positive (Duh because they want that cash). But It improved my confidence 10 fold. So I started applying it to my daily life and Now I'm a much better man because of it.

2011-09-30T12:56:44+00:00

I find you have to "level up" a lot of other parts of your life to be good at seduction. There are always exceptions to the rule but getting in shape, dressing well, grooming, reading interesting books (you have something to talk about), doing group activities where you meet other people (easier to meet other chicks and you have something to talk about), and travel (again).

Once you work on the other parts of your life, seduction is easier and you'll have more confidence. You'll be use to more group interaction. You'll be more confident in your looks because you put effort. Travel and read more. You wont have to use sets because you have interesting things to say and talk about.

My brother who reads a shit ton (science, cooking, art, philosophy, etc) and travels text me a few weeks ago: Met two girls at the beach and headed to a strip club. It's BYOB. I'll let you know how it turns out.

2011-09-30T19:33:13+00:00

I used to feel the same way, and still do some times. I wouldn't consider myself a PUA in any way, but my confidence has gotten much better in the past few months.

Find something you know you're really good at and think about how you feel in regards to it. For me it was work. I know for a fact that I am the best at what I do when it comes to my work, I don't go around telling everyone im the best but I show it through my actions. Dating on the other hand, I used to feel like a scared little kid. That is until I realized that if I can be the best at work, why not every where? I don't have to go around telling everyone im awesome, just know that I am and act accordingly.

WhiteTiger10 · 2011-10-14T22:39:52+00:00

Well it's easy, you just go to the confidence store and buy some. Actually you don't "get" it, it's a byproduct of doing good things for good people. Making money, running 10 miles, running a business, writing a book.

Title	How did you gain confidence?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	32
Date	September 30, 2011 1:36 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kvypi/how_did_you_gain_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-gain-confidence.1323219 https://theredarchive.com/post/1323219

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