How do I escalate a first date?

Jackieoo00 · 2018-01-31T14:12:03+00:00

Oh the interogation conversation. Happens all the time. Rookie mistake i think. Question after question after question with no depth to the conversation. After you ask a question put your brain on pause. Listen intently to her response. She will reveal something about herself. Respond to what she reveals before asking another question. Relate to it. Make an assumption about it and ask her if its right. Tease her about it. Exaggerate it. There are a million things you can do. Keep leading the conversation in the same direction and stay on that topic for more than just one question and one answer. You will get a chance to touch her when you respond to what she reveals. If you make a joke and tease her then you can gently touch her arm or shoulder when you reassure that you are just joking. You can poke her when you tease her. You can hold her hand or just lightly touch the back of her hand if you are relating to her by sharing a serious or intimate detail about yourself. There are lots of creative ways to introduce physical contact. My favorite is to give high fives when i express agreement. Its fun to act overly enthusiastic bc that fits my sarcastic personality. Remember that goal is to establish intimacy as rapidly as possible ans you do that by going to deep into one topic at a time that is significant to her, not by blanketing her with questions that give you a broad yet shallow amount of information about her. Be patient and relax if you dont figure out everything you need to know on the first date. Be comfortable not knowing and saving those conversations for later when you are in danger of letting the date grow stale and boring. And dont reveal everything about yourself up fron either. Be mysterious and it will keep her investing and wanting to know more. You might even find her trying to lead the conversation if she is interested in you.

plowzedong · 2018-01-31T15:53:40+00:00

Problem being, I’m thinking too rationally and not emotionally and that hinders me from doing the flirty stuff like touching, etc.

Reframe the whole "I'm too rational" thing.

This isn't entirely a bad thing. In a way, the more logical you are, the better. It means you can be guided by your own moment-to-moment analysis and less by your own emotions.

Focus on two things only: your actions and her emotions.

Don't worry about what you're feeling. Don't worry about what she's doing. Only care about what you're doing and how she's feeling.

For example, your inner dialogue should be like this:

"She seems comfortable and like she's enjoying the conversation" [Puts arm over the back of the chair] "She still seems comfortable" [Gently touches her back] "She still seems comfortable" [Gentle run your fingers up her spine] "She still seems comfortable, she might even be enjoying it" [Touches the back of her neck] "Ok, she tensed up a bit, slight moved away, but is still smiling. I better not push it too far yet." [Moves fingers back down her back]

Keep a mental notebook of what produces which result.

is there something I could do beforehand that would help me ease myself?

Accomplish something for yourself during the day.

Seriously, do something you can be proud about. You don't have to tell her about it. The extra confidence you get will shine through.

I also usually exercise earlier in the day before a date. I feel better, look more energetic, have endorphins blasting through my body, and I've sweated out any impurities in my pores, causing me to smell better.

Meditation can be good, will help you focus on the important things (primarily: her emotions, your actions).

You can also do cold approach or something else to be social. But you don't want to be too buzzing with social energy if it's just a coffee day.

Avoid people who are low energy, negative, or have a bad outlook about dating or life.

I feel like I’m close in that I’m getting dates, but I just need that next step in order to keep her intrigued and wanting a second date.

Bro... Ask yourself why she would want to go on a second date with a guy who couldn't make a move on the first.

You should be trying to be as sexual with these girls as possible.

Look at it this way. If you can either blow yourself out by being a pussy, or you can blow yourself out by being too aggressive. One of those option will teach you a lot more while possibly getting you laid.

Quit telling yourself that she doesn't want you to be sexual. Every time you have a boring date, you are being a disappointment. She's not there to make a new gay best friend. She's there because she wants a) a man, or b) a dick. She doesn't want a little boy who can't make a move.

You will probably never go on a second date with a girl you haven't kissed. The reason is simple. When you go out with someone and don't kiss, it's not a date. You are being a friend. She already has friends and doesn't need any more. You're the guy. It's your job to make a move. If you can't do that in the span of 2 hours, why in the world would she give you a second chance??

You probably think you're being 'nice' and 'polite' by acting like you're asexual...

You are not. You are letting her down. You are making her feel unattractive. You are making her wish, in that moment, that she was with someone who had a bit of courage and leadership potential. You are boring the fuck out of her with your nice guy bullshit. In the time she spent chatting about nothing important with you, she could be getting fucked by someone who knows what they are doing.

Maybe you're saying to yourself right now, "She's not that type of girl."

Really? How do you know? Did you try to fuck her?

You aren't being nice. You're being self-centered. You're projecting your boring-ass worldview onto her. You're operating out of your emotional landscape, not hers.

Feel more like a job interview or an interrogation and I’m just more focused on the next thing I should say

Ask better, more sexual questions.

"Have you ever kissed/fucked a girl?"

"What's the craziest thing you've done this summer?"

"What something your parents would kill you for if they knew?"

"Do you like it when guys do this? [pull the back of her hair]

"When was the last time you've had sex?" (If she asks you this back, lie and say it was at least week more recent than her... Keep in mind, she's probably lying too but saying it was longer ago than it really was).

"Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?"

You can be tamer than that, but stick to topics of sex and relationships:

"What was your last boyfriend like?"

"Did you break up with him, or did breakup with you."

"What kind of guys are you normally attracted to."

**

Beyond that, and beyond what I've written in my comment on how to escalate to a kiss, just focus on these two things: your actions, and her emotions.

**

I know my comments are brash. But if you found it useful, check out my website

Maikowski2 · 2018-01-31T14:35:58+00:00

You need more dates. I was in the same rut, I always felt awkward during first 4 or 5 first dates. Then I learned, little by little, to lose myself a bit, act stupid, act like a child here and there, not take anything seriously. Make fun of my dates. Until I felt at ease. For some men it comes easier, for some it takes more time, dates. Most of my dates were mediocre. Only two stood out.

__ManBeast__ · 2018-01-31T17:14:31+00:00

My Rules for a First Date

Don't ask any questions that can be assumed from an observation
Anytime a girl talks about something, take an opportunity to tell a story of your own instead of making her talk more. It's better to let her respond to a story then a question
Avoid asking interview questions (Where are you from? What do you do?) Unless asked first. To get her to ask, tell a story that makes her want to ask it ("Back where I'm from...", "Someone from work did X")
Girls don't have specific conversation structures they follow. A conversation about your passions is as valuable as one about the food you're eating. Guys talk to convey info (which is why we're often stifled when there's no relevant info to convey), girls talk to talk. You can say literally anything and have a conversation about it.
Anytime she laughs at a joke, gets playfully offended, or gives an IOI, you touch her. Reward good behaviour with touch. A pat on the shoulder or her arm at first. It's the easiest way to consistently escalate physically
Never put yourself in a situation where you can't touch her. Sit next to her, not facing her. Get close enough that touch is natural. If you're in a situation where you can't touch her, change venues or go for a walk so you can. After 30min just ask her to walk with you, then start the touch
Kiss close on dates (This is a personal rule, obviously YMMV). It's expected if you just spent more than 30min together doing nothing but talking that you kiss her at the end. Minimum. This is what keeps you out of LJBF territory. You don't have to fuck on the first date, but at least kiss her. It's extremely easy to do if you're walking her back to her car or you're leaving. Obviously it's much better to kiss her during, since you can pave the way to sex easily from there, but if it's a casual convo and you haven't been escalating as much as you should have, at least say goodbye with a kiss.

plowzedong · 2018-01-31T14:53:30+00:00

I wrote this as a comment yesterday, but I thought it applied to your question as well. I'll answer your specific questions in a different comment. If you like this advice, show some love (nohomo) and visit my website at www.thegreenpill.net

How To kiss a girl for the first time if you're shy

Here's a slightly simplified sequence for kissing a girl, from hello to make out.

1) Demonstrate intent early on. She needs to know, on some level, that you like her. You can do this primarily through non-verbal cues including eye contact and vocal tonality.

2) Get her comfortable with you touching her. Start with 'social touch' that wouldn't be to out of place if you did it with a friend (i.e., on the arm). In order for her to be comfortable with you touching her, you have to be comfortable touching her. I can't emphasize this enough. If you are tensing up when you touch her, she's going to feel that stress. Also, don't look at the place you are touching or else it won't seem natural.

3) At some point, try to hold her hand. If she resists at all or gives strong signs of discomfort, back off and act like nothing happened. Don't worry about it. The point isn't to hold her hand. It's to demonstrate further intent and to slowly make her comfortable with physicality. (If you're shy, the easiest way to hold her hand when you're walking. Before you cross the street, just grab her hand. Its a normal thing that almost all people learn to do as children) If she resists, try again later. Again, you're goal is to slowly make her more comfortable with increased levels of physicality.

3a) Another way to increase physicality at this point: while you are sitting next to her, put your arm on the back of the chair and very very lightly and slowly stroke her back with your fingers and thumb. If she doesn't react, she probably likes it.

I would recommend practicing this on yourself. See what's the lightest, smoothest, and slowest you can stroke you own arm with the fingers on your opposite hand. That's the sort of pressure you should start out with.

4) You can prime her to be kissed in several ways. If you're holding her hand, kiss it. Similarly, you can kiss her shoulder, cheek, or forehead. Again, if she backs or turns away a bit, just smile. Its no big deal.

If she's really freaked out, she will literally walk away from you. (If she does that, do not follow her).

5) Before you kiss her, speak slower and with a deeper voice. Have good eye contact and occasionally glance at her lips. If she's doing the same, it's a good sign.

6) Check if she's ready to be kissed. Move in closer like you're going to kiss her. Instead of kissing her, whisper something in her ear. How did she respond? Did she draw back? If so, she's not ready to kiss you. Did she stay still or move in? If so, she probably wants to be kissed. If she doesn't back away, you can kiss her ear or neck, which will usually turn her on.

7) Personally, I like to let the girl wait and anticipate the kiss for a minute.

Things that come easily or immediately are less valued.

I typically move in close. By this point, it's obvious I could kiss her, and she can sense the kiss is coming. But I don't do it right away. I'll just stay close, maybe say something, and let the tension build for a moment. Then the kiss is effortless (and in fact, it would be more awkward to not kiss her).

8) Some girls will reject your kiss dozens of times by turning their head away. Don't be reactive, desperate, or pushy about it. Just smile and laugh. As a man, it's your job to try to kiss her. As a woman, it's her job to not appear easy. If she's not pushing you away, nonverbally expressing fear, or getting up and moving away from you, she's probably into it.

9) Don't get too hung up on the kiss. For some cultures, kissing is less common or has greater significance. If she seems especially adverse to kissing, escalate in different ways. In Asia, I've had sex with girls who wouldn't kiss me, so it's not a universally necessary step in the escalation ladder.

**

This escalation model works really well with shy, conservative, and inexperienced girls. While it never results in instant make outs, usually further escalation after the kiss happens quickly. Ask yourself, would you rather kiss her in the first five minutes and get all sorts of resistance before sex, or would you rather take two hours to kiss her and get next to no resistance after that.

The real keys to this model are a) showing intent, b) not being pushy or aggressive, c) being fairly comfortable yourself, d) slowly dialing up the escalation. If done right, it establishes a dominant frame without coming across as chasing her.

itinerant_monkey · 2018-01-31T18:19:41+00:00

There is good advice here - I would just add that you need more practice having engaging get-to-know conversations in general. I got a lot better at dates with girls after I joined social organizations / volunteered and got good at meeting people. Flirting skills are mostly just social skills, you can practice anywhere and with anyone.

ImJustSo · 2018-01-31T18:56:53+00:00

Coffee dates suck. Movies dates suck. Dinner dates suck.

Drink dates are good, getting light food during is good, physical activity/competitive dates are good, intimate setting dates are good, at home dates are good.

Regardless of what date you find yourself on, you should be looking to have a fucking blast.

When you meet up with friends, do you interview them? Do you try to do fun things with them?

A girl on a date is a friend you haven't kissed or touched intimately yet. Enjoy their company while enjoying everything else life has to offer and then touch them, then kiss them, then do the other "getting to know you" stuff with PinV.

PM_ME_NUDES_PLEEZ · 2018-01-31T19:16:06+00:00

go out to a bar and have some drinks with her.

flixed · 2018-01-31T21:10:01+00:00

Try having your first date in a more social environment like a bar with music, for me it helps with feeling more comfortable and less like an interview

im_unseen · 2018-01-31T21:37:22+00:00

Best short advice: Amp up the energy. You are building a connection and an interaction. You should make little comments here and there. It's not always questions. They will fill in the rest.

OhMyOnDisSide · 2018-01-31T23:45:51+00:00

Wow I did not expect this much feedback so quickly. Also very new to posting on reddit so this was kind of overwhelming. Thanks for all the advice, I will read this all then one more time over again and practice till it becomes natural. Hopefully my next post will be a success story following this 😄

boredyeah · 2018-01-31T16:09:06+00:00

Just fucking grab their ass in public dude, the rest will follow naturally

Title	How do I escalate a first date?
Author	OhMyOnDisSide
Upvotes	121
Comments	28
Date	January 31, 2018 1:55 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7ua15y/how_do_i_escalate_a_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-escalate-a-first-date.1440922 https://theredarchive.com/post/1440922

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