How Do I make the people around me feel comfortable?

sebK1 · 2013-09-02T05:38:21+00:00

Your state of being is contagious. When you are truly enjoying yourself and expressing freely, without any kind of worry or distress in your mind, that is when you will naturally irradiate that contagious energy, which will not only make everyone with you more comfortable, but also feel more attracted to you. It is simple human nature. Now as for how to attain that state, all I know is that everyone has to look for that answer within himself.

covertwalrus · 2013-09-02T06:13:20+00:00

I took a job this summer that involved talking to people on the phone who were often irate, desperate, or confused. Here are some things I picked up through trial and error. Due to the nature of telephone conversations, these are verbal techniques; if anyone has similar tips for body language, I'd be very interested to read them.

Match another person's vocal intensity, then "steer" them toward a relaxed, even tone. Example: A man calls, very upset, with a story or comments that he wants heard. I answer in a chirpy voice higher than normal, nearly echoing his own mood, and ask him for some basic information. He replies in an even tone, reciting the information back without emotion, as we tend to do when transmitting simple data. I let my voice relax lower, slow down, and double-check his information in a clear voice. He confirms it, mirroring my drop in tone. I turn it down a notch further, and indicate that he can proceed with his statement in a calm, sedate voice. By the time he's saying anything of substance, he's calmed down to a reasonable mood. Note that this is easier with women, maybe because women are often more sensitive to other people's moods, maybe because the trope of men as protectors makes a calm male voice seem more reassuring to women, maybe some other reason.
Don't ask permission or apologize unless you actually need to. This isn't the same as "alpha bros never apologize"; hear me out: asking permission mostly puts you at ease, and apologizing only puts someone else at ease if they feel they have been wronged. If you apologize too much, they may get the idea that they have been wronged.
- If I need to put someone on hold to look up some information or decide who to direct them to, I'll say something like "Hold for a moment, and I'll look up that information so we're on the same page," or "All right, I'm going to put you on hold so I can track down whoever might be able to help you best."
- If I miss what someone said and it's important, instead of saying, "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" I'll repeat the first part of what they said: "You talked to XYZ on Wednesday, and they told you..." then let them finish my sentence, and make a sound of understanding. Maybe they suspect I wasn't listening, or that I'm dumb and don't understand them, but the important part is that they don't feel wronged.
- If a person has indeed been wronged, it can help to apologize for the way it made them feel. Empathy is more desirable than blame, even if the blame is self-directed.
Explain yourself. Say what you're doing and why you are doing it. This can help with eliminating the need to ask for permission in many cases. Doctors are a great example of this. "I'm going to listen to your lungs to check for any fluid in there." "I'm going to shine this light in the back of your throat and take a look at your tonsils. Say ah." You'll rarely be in social situations where people are confused by your actions, but explaining yourself can often be charming or funny. Seddit-relevant examples: "Don't go anywhere, I'm going to drag a chair over here so I can sit and talk to you." "I'm going to sit next to you so I can hold your hand." "That story was an exaggeration. If you haven't realized, I'm totally trying to impress you." "I really want to kiss you right now." You can make it into a joke as long as it's not a joke every time you do it, e.g. "I'm going to sit next to you so I can tell you a little bit about our lord and savior, Jesus Christ." Obviously, make sure it's clear you're joking.

tl;dr: Mirror someone's mood with your voice, then once you're on the same wavelength, calm them down by letting your voice get calmer; don't apologize or ask for permission when you can empathize or state your intentions; explain what you are doing, thinking, and feeling.

lukedaluke · 2013-09-02T07:26:11+00:00

Try knock knock jokes

lemonscented · 2013-09-01T22:42:18+00:00

In my opinion this is the wrong attitude to have. You should strive to be your own confident self, and allow that persona to attract people that are comfortable with it. You can try to make others comfortable, but at the very best you'll make everyone else secure while making yourself miserable.

Title	How Do I make the people around me feel comfortable?
Author	skater687
Upvotes	33
Comments	17
Date	September 1, 2013 10:31 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ljhpm/how_do_i_make_the_people_around_me_feel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-make-the-people-around-me-feel.1357730 https://theredarchive.com/post/1357730

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