How do I stop this unhealthy mindset?

imsexc · 2021-01-29T01:34:34+00:00

Unhealthy mindset? WTF. That's what normal hetero guys, especially boys, do and think! You're not Jesus FFS. Do it! Go out. Talk. Make connection. Bond. Whatever the result is fine. Girlfriend, FWB, FB, or just friend, is fine.

Desperate-Gur-5730 · 2021-01-29T17:21:26+00:00

My friend, I agree with most repliers! It’s only unhealthy if your instant thought is sex (and thoughts of forced sex is certainly the opposite of “healthy”! If that what you struggle with (you don’t seem to!), then it’s time to get help. You seem to have a conscience, and rapists don’t.

I’m shy, I’m single, but sometimes I’ve surprised myself and just walked up, introduced myself (no lines, no lies), and said whatever corny but sincere (and respectful) thing comes to mind! It’s about 50/50, but if I never tried it’d be 0/0! Always check for a ring first; never become a skeevy home wrecker.

Example: I had to visit Walmart’s Customer Service desk a few weeks ago. I was pointed to the manager, who was a gorgeous Latina with no ring. I suddenly found myself asking: Me: “Did you drop your ring?” She: “Wha...?” Me: “Your wedding ring!” She: (smiling under mask) “No, I don’t have one...” Me: “Would you like one?”

She laughed, kind eyes, and let me know she wasn’t looking at the moment. It was simple, fun flirting. She was very sweet and coy about it, and I was the same in turn! No harm done! No date arranged, but I Magdeburg her smile! That made me smile!

Just don’t be a jerk looking to get laid. Those people are miserable; I’ve been one! Don’t force it, but as long as you’re respectful, go for it! You won’t know if you don’t ask! Cheers!

Iamovert · 2021-01-29T05:12:48+00:00

If you watch NSFW content then stop that. It will fully stop you from Putting woman on a pedestal

FarahKhan62 · 2021-01-29T10:37:18+00:00

Males are wired to chase females. It’s not unhealthy man. I see where you’re coming from though. I’m guessing you think something must be wrong with you since deep down you long for a relationship. When I was 18 I always wanted a gf deep down but I thought I was weak for imagining myself in a relationship whenever I saw a cute girl. Nothing wrong with looking for a gf. But you can’t anticipate it. It has to happen on its own accord. By all means, throw your fishing rod in the sea, but don’t be too focused on bagging the fish. Hard to understand but with time and experience you will understand. Being on the market doesn’t mean go and jump right off the market as soon as you find the first resource.

2021-01-29T07:21:18+00:00

Why do you think this is unhealthy? what's wrong with chatting to women you like for the purposes of dating?

I mean come on dude, you clearly are attracted to them meaning you want to initiate some kind of intimacy. So own it and don't feel ashamed by it.

CurtisLovingBalls · 2021-01-29T14:50:40+00:00

U/learninglatesucks

CoachCoolerOpen · 2021-01-29T01:41:33+00:00

Hey my man DM me if you're still want some advice!

mainmommie · 2021-01-29T21:00:20+00:00

Place your mind on something your passionate about..other than the obvious. There wrong with looking at other women..your not dead. I think you're just normal..don't sweat the small stuff.

dasanman69 · 2021-01-29T22:29:34+00:00

Shoot, I'm 51 and still have that mindset, I don't see anything wrong with it.

letsgetrandy · 2021-01-29T22:39:10+00:00

Your outcome dependence is based on fundamentally seeing these women as objects -- as figures meant to fill some role in your life. It's the same thing that leads people to create a dating app profile that ends up being nothing more than a wishlist of qualities they want in a partner, as if you could order a girlfriend/boyfriend on an app the way that you order a pizza.

The first thing to remember is that looks are just one, very small aspect of a person, and most of the time you'll find that the person whose looks catch your eye tends to have a personality that you really don't find very attractive at all.

Everyone has flaws. A great way to keep yourself grounded when meeting people is, rather than immediately assuming they're awesome just because of their looks, direct your focus immediately onto trying to uncover their flaws fast enough. In my early days of meeting women, I would always imagine that underneath a girl's shirt was a threadbare bra that doesn't match the panties, and underneath that bra she has ugly, misshapen nipples. This mental trick made it easier for me to talk to them as a person and get to know their personality without constantly fantasizing about that physical shape which was -- quite honestly -- more often a product of hems and seams and underwires holding the body in a shape that wasn't true.

Hopefully, the eventual result is that you learn to meet people and get to know a bit more about them than what your imagination was able to fantasize. And you can become selective about the people you meet and who you decide to spend time with... and THEN, only after you're spending time with several people, you notice that one in particular has a personality that brightens your day and adds quality to your life, and you want to be around her more than anyone else. And when that happens, it's not hard to end up dating that person, because you're basically already doing it.

2021-01-29T23:35:56+00:00

Seek counseling with a therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist who can help with unhealthy mindset, habits, routines, anything else going on. Social skills whether hard/soft/transferable skills can be taught and learned. Even a social worker with a background in psychology and other interdisciplinary fields can help. Good luck! Be safe!

Course_Born · 2021-01-30T01:50:20+00:00

That's just your brain's way of rationalizing irrational fear of approach. Find a way to overcome your fears, good realization!

thesuccessfuladrian · 2021-01-30T13:08:04+00:00

Bro, what you gotta do is to change your focus.

You need to know that us, as men, we are born with nothing and we have to get it all. The money, the respect, the success. Women can be all set up for life at 18.

You need to work and grind in your 20s. And after your 30s, if you will have status, women will start coming to you.

Follow me on insta @adrianfrom70s or @alphamasculinityadvice for more info. I'm at the beginning and in the next months I'll share my lessons from all the experiences.

Title	How do I stop this unhealthy mindset?
Author	bluesky2077
Upvotes	34
Comments	45
Date	January 29, 2021 1:22 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/l7f3wk/how_do_i_stop_this_unhealthy_mindset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-this-unhealthy-mindset.1509073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1509073

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