How do you avoid resenting women?

RedErin · 2011-05-09T17:07:14+00:00

I think you have high expectations. You expect women to be rational and good. That might be because you have been lucky in surrounding yourself with mostly sane people. You might live in a bubble.

I my experience it is rare to find a rational and good person, man or woman. You should be surprised when you meet one and not surprised by the behavior of the average majority.

WTF is wrong with women

Nothing. People are what they are. What is wrong is your expectation of what they should be.

I think it is good to hold people up to a high standard. What is not good is to feel contempt when they inevitably fail to meet that standard. You need to be understanding and compassionate. I doubt you meet your own standards so cut others the same slack you cut yourself.

intjpua · 2011-05-09T19:33:23+00:00

I don't have any revelations that will change your whole worldview, and I don't think anyone here is going to be able to make you accept the world for what it is rather than what you wish it was. But, I do have some comments that I think are relevant to your situation.

I have always respected them very much, and related to them more so than with men.

This is probably why you have so much more knowledge of women's faults. Men have faults, as well, and if you spend enough time with a large number of men, you'd soon come to appreciate that there are just as many dumb men on the planet as women. The stupidity, insanity, and irrationality does often express itself differently. Where a woman might do something to hurt herself in a situation where her brain doesn't know what to do (maybe not directly; maybe by hooking up a dangerous dude, taking drugs of unknown provenance or combining drugs with unknown interactive properties, stealing something, etc.; I've known girls who do all of these things when under duress) a man might get drunk and get in a fight or get drunk and shoot something or get drunk and blow some money gambling. The man's "solution" might even seem more directly rational to another man: He's got a lot of anger built up, and he relieves the tension directly. But, make no mistake, both are simply misguided coping mechanisms, and both are damaging behaviors.

My mom is a very smart, fun, level-headed, down to earth, and respectable lady. My dad is a very respectable man who treated my mother with the utmost of love and respect. I have seen them fight ONCE in my entire life.

You were lucky. I was similarly lucky, so I know where you're coming from. As a result, you're probably pretty well-balanced, and you probably have reasonable coping mechanisms for when things get stressful in your life. Not everyone has the benefit of great parents. Not everyone has the benefit of naturally balanced brain chemistry (genetic testing has given us pretty strong indications that depression, manic-depression, OCD, and schizophrenia are mostly inherited and not caused by environmental factors).

But, sitting on a high horse of superiority does you no good (even if you're right). Your own happiness suffers if you separate yourself from the rest of humanity (particularly women) because too many of them are flawed creatures. The reason we do what we do here in seddit is to maximize our chances of meeting a girl whose flaws are masked by her much greater beauties. We all have flaws; the goal is to find someone (or a few someones) with whom the flaws don't get in the way of mutual enjoyment of each other.

WTF is wrong with women when it comes to dating and how does seddit keep from resenting them for it?

You haven't been specific enough about what crazy things they're doing...but I suspect it means your game is not as good as you think it is. When your game is tight, girls generally do roughly what you want them to (if they like you and want the seduction to proceed). There are always surprises (which is why it is fun), but the fact is that if you're both having fun, there's no reason for drama. There are girls out there that will make drama no matter what, but you can usually screen those out quickly; probably on the first date (they're usually the ones that constantly complain about drama in others; drama just seems to follow them around, and it's totally not their fault!).

LesbianPUA · 2011-05-09T17:10:08+00:00

Hmm. As a lesbian, I'm either the best person or worst person to answer this. I'm not sure, so I'll keep it short.

First, I'll say that I totally get where you're coming from. Even though I'm female it hasn't stopped me from hating on women in general. May sound weird, but it's true. We really are pains in the ass.

Second, I think it's just a matter of accepting the differences between men and women as just that... differences, not good or bad, just different.

Third, Try to remember the things that make women special... the things you can't live without. For me, it's their smell, softness, sensitivity... etc, you must have your own.

doncarePUA · 2011-05-10T02:25:33+00:00

Long time lurker of seddit because of the latent mysogeny that I resent (amongst the many other things I do like about this community). But you ask an excellent question so I'll make an alternate account.

Solution is simple but not easy: Find a woman who is as reasonable and good as you expect. Keep her as a close friend in manner that doesn't result in mutual friend-zoning. It's possible as much as others will say otherwise.

I have a friend who is exactly this and therefore speak from experience. She's the reason why I haven't lost hope that there are other women like her and why I haven't lapsed into misogynistic thinking when trying to improve my game.... Best of luck to you.

razqel · 2011-05-09T23:49:07+00:00

Without more information and examples of this irrational behavior, it's hard to pinpoint the exact issue. But here are my thoughts.

It's possible that the people you associate with are as you describe: irrational, contradictory, and self-serving. In this case, you should be more discerning about the type of people you hang with.

But I get the sense that the issue is more deep-seated than who you associate with, as you perceive most - if not all - women as "crazy".

First, accept that people in general are imperfect, but are capable of learning and growth. The second part is key. If you dismiss people as crazy, there's only so much anyone can do to help them become better (assuming that's what you want to do). They may have lived their entire lives with their dysfunctional ways of interacting with people, but nobody bothered to show them a better way.

Instead, choose to see women (and people in general) as individuals with the capability and desire to be better, but just don't know how.

In certain areas of life and relationships, they are misinformed and misguided. Perhaps you can model the type of behavior you wish to see in them. Or communicate what your expectations are when they exhibit "irrational" behavior. You don't have have to be a victim of your situation or mindset. You can decide to accept it or change it to some degree.

Also recognize that not everyone thinks and feels like you do. Learn to appreciate other people's perspectives and avoid imposing your set of beliefs and values upon them, at least initially.

Based on their emotional, biological, and social experiences, their behavior makes a whole lot of sense, although they may be misinformed. You cannot help people without understanding where they are coming from and why they act the way they do.

In summary, one potential solution to avoid resenting women is by changing your judgments about who they are, what motivates their actions, and their ability and desire to change for the better. If you find yourself still resenting women, then another suggestion is to identify and associate with higher quality people. If you still find yourself resenting women, then the issue is with your perception, not the women in your life.

I've been in your situation before where I've resented women, most likely for many of the same reasons you do. I found a lot had to do with changing myself, as much as (and perhaps more than) changing others.

Believe me, there are good, honest, trustworthy, rational women out there.

Good luck!

hypnophant · 2011-05-10T04:54:21+00:00

Have you considered the possibility that you are the cause of these problems you're having with women? You haven't said what, exactly, upsets you - but maybe they're just reacting poorly to something you're doing. I mean, in three paragraphs here, you come off as an arrogant douche. I'd start with that, and see if you can't identify a few areas for self-improvement, before you write off an entire gender as crazy.

TofuTofu · 2011-05-09T17:44:08+00:00

How do you avoid resenting women?

By having really good game.

2011-05-09T20:06:01+00:00

Beautiful women are crazy because everyone lets them get away with it. The next time you see a female friend or girlfriend do something crazy, tell them in a calm and straightforward way that they are acting inappropriately.

How to do this? My rule for telling people what's wrong with their behavior is to let them have 3 questions, no more. You don't want to get sucked into some psychoanalysis session or a pity-party. The conversation should last no more than a couple of minutes. After that, either change the subject or leave.

Even if this approach costs you some friends (the touchy ones), it will ultimately help you to come to terms with the bullshit that other people do, and maybe, just maybe, they'll respect you for it later.

2011-05-09T23:18:41+00:00

Read "the way of the superior man". It'll help you understand the thought process most women have. Once you see the matrix, it all makes sense.

heckz · 2011-05-10T02:23:23+00:00

Have you read The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida? It really increased my understanding, appreciation and compassion for women. After I wrote this, I noticed many others have recommended it as well.

Whisper · 2011-05-09T23:30:22+00:00

I have always respected them very much

There's your problem.

Stop that. Stop respecting them.

You don't respect guys until they, as individuals, earn your respect. But you talk like you give women a blanket "pass".

That's not a healthy attitude. And, just to "become a psychologist" for a minute, here's why:

"My dad is a very respectable man who treated my mother with the utmost of love and respect. I have seen them fight ONCE in my entire life."

... that's not natural. People who have healthy relationships fight and resolve their differences. They don't treat each other (especially one particular gender of other) like special magic statues made of blown glass.

It seems like one of the reasons that you resent women is that you expect them to be superior, and then are repeatedly disappointed when they turn out to be made of the same selfish goo as the rest of us.

But that's what they are. They're just people, and they can't be expected to behave well out of some inherent sense of fairness, because that's not how people work. People learn to behave themselves because others draw boundaries for them.

And when feminism put a stop to people drawing boundaries for women, or having expectations of them, then women started behaving... well, badly. Just like anyone would.

So just stop it. Stop expecting women to be superior, and start drawing boundaries for her. If she does something selfish or crazy, don't sit there silently resenting her for not being a magic superior being made of sugar and spice and everything nice.

Call her on it. Dress her the fuck down just like you would a guy. It works.

YouCanTouchMeThere · 2011-05-09T19:01:46+00:00

In short: stop hoping they will one day act and think like you. Accept that craziness (at least a male definition of it) is part of the feminine essence. They process the world with emotions more than men, and emotions are fickle. They change from moment to moment.

Learn to stop looking at the parts that irritate you and focus on the beautiful. It takes practice but it's possible.

Also, read some David Deida.

ThereisNOmeme · 2011-05-10T15:06:18+00:00

If a girl is not attracted to you, it is YOUR fault not theirs. You did something wrong.

Title	How do you avoid resenting women?
Author	throwaway_hater
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	May 9, 2011 4:16 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h7f49/how_do_you_avoid_resenting_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-avoid-resenting-women.1318116 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318116

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