How do you get a guy to try harder?

eddieTheGut · 2020-02-27T06:05:55+00:00

I am a very shy person. I was in exactly that position. I didn't know how to go past flirting. The truth is some of us guys never had much experiences with women when younger or never really got taught/saw what we should do. As well as being very polite and shy it makes us think the girl has to tell us when we can touch her or else we are creeps.

He is probably just scared and not experienced. If you really like him it's ok for you to go for the kiss or tell him to grab your ass or something lol.

KingWolf7070 · 2020-02-27T06:18:01+00:00

He sounds like a good man honestly, being super respectful. I'm the same way. He likely won't make a move until there's absolute certainty that you'd be into it. We don't want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or creeped out. You may believe the ways you're reciprocating are clear and unambiguous, but he may not see it the same way. I've read a lot of comments on Reddit and feminist blogs from women being annoyed by guys misreading stuff. I straight out asked my ex girlfriend if I could touch her before ever trying anything on our first date cause I actually liked her a whole lot and didn't want to risk ruining things. And then we immediately had sex in my car.

I say just be honest and upfront with him. Tell him exactly how you feel and what you want. He seems like a good man from what you say and it'd be sad if you didn't at least try to help him feel at ease.

There's also the chance he isn't actually into you, which I would find weird since you say he's flirting with you. Unless you're the one misreading signals from him and he's oblivious to the whole thing. In any case, better to just ask him straight out than let it drag out and leave you wondering. Hope things work out. Good luck.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2020-02-27T12:16:52+00:00

Women's #1 complaint about men is usually that we "only want sex" and yet we're expected to make the first move and initiate. If the woman wants it, great. If she doesn't, now you're perv/douchebag and you'll probably never see her again. And let's not forget #metoo is in full swing. All of that bullshit could be bypassed if the woman would just be straightforward and initiate herself but they generally don't like to that. They much prefer the guy to read their mind and do what they want.

So what would you do If you were in his shoes?

DrinkerOfWater69 · 2020-02-27T07:39:40+00:00

Honestly?
Because he is scared shitless of what to do, probably because he's never been taught how to respond to such things or doesn't know how to queue up the response for it.
Unlike women who have their mothers that teach them all the things they probably need to know and their girlfriends to assist them and create mental pathways for such things, guys don't really get that stuff..

I remember my Dad completely ignoring my questions and just saying, go do it and see what happens, if it fails try again, if it works keep doing that.
I remember sitting there going "WTF am I supposed to do with that?!"

Also you have to remember what has been going on in recent years, if its a public place only the super-confident and "bad boy" style men will spontaneously do something and damn the consequences. Most of the guys will wait for the opportune moment in a more private setting where there aren't going to be any variables that can blow up in there faces like:
1. What if she doesn't like where my hand goes or if I do something she dislikes.
2. What if he does something and she gets offended/backs away/ starts screaming shit at him in a public place.

I would give anything to have a woman take the first step or make the first move and drop a kiss on me or give me permission to touch her in a place she deems appropriate or where she wants me to touch her, instead of trying to decipher the hints and clues to try and figure out if I should touch her or not... and what if I touch her wrongly :P

You making the first move and doing what you want the two of you to do is the best course of action, because it green lights him in the future to try something with you. Keep reinforcing the "Its okay to do stuff with me" with him if it continues and make sure to know your's and his boundaries and the use of the word "No"

Food for Thought, I guess...

Dadoxiii · 2020-02-27T14:02:11+00:00

The best thing you can do is be a little more physical yourself to show him it's ok to do so.

I honestly don't blame the guy there's a lot of negative media about sexual assault and rape going around. I'll admit it has me paralyzed about touching women, even if I accidentally bump into them.

freakyfeb97 · 2020-02-27T06:56:14+00:00

For me personally, a lot of it has got to do with the current social climate. Before I begin, a bit about myself to contextualise the situation: I am extremely awkward around girls, just had one relationship (the girl approached me), cannot flirt to save my life and am VERY bad at reading people.

You see I always see feminists say that "Don't question a victim of sexual assault as to why she didn't speak up at that time, women get very scared in those situation" and I can sympathise with this explaination, as men ARE generally stronger than women and CAN BADLY hurt them. But then there are also females, such as yourself, who want men to "try harder and risk it all" and initiate further physical contact.

I certainly love women (heterosexual male here, it's not like I have a choice anyway) but I absolutely cannot and will not risk my future (reputation, job prospects etc.) just for a woman. What if I make a move and it turned out that, for that woman, it was a sexual assault. I don't want my name attached with #metoo, especially not over a misunderstanding.

I'd rather lose my chance with a woman than to take a chance on my future. That's why until I get an EXTREMELY VISIBLE AND OBVIOUS GREEN LIGHT from the girl, I don't initiate much (if any) physical contact.

Disclaimer- I am not saying that you're one of those hardcore feminists types or something OR that feminists (reasonable ones) don't have a valid point, they do. But then, overall, the general women populace is sending EXTREMELY mixed signals to men like me, and I'd rather be safe and lonely than be brave and incarcerated.

Afghanbruh · 2020-02-27T07:37:20+00:00

I was the same about two years ago, shy as hell, inexperienced with females and I liked this one of my co-worker a lot she liked me too but we never really escalated to kissing or anything until she started hugging me a lot and telling how much she like hugging or how good I smell when she hugs me then later on after the hug she was really close to me which means she wanted me to kiss her and I just did it then and there and we both got more comfortable escalating more physically after that.

savaratkar · 2020-02-27T13:48:23+00:00

Teacher teacher....

Can you plz plz plz tell me...how you signal or communicate to your male partner with message "come and ravage me" lol.

I really want to know this. Please help. XOXO

FairAnalyst · 2020-02-27T15:22:47+00:00

Guys who play it safe aren't used to leaning into their anxiety/tension. Its not even a real fear, but an instinctive aversion. You can tell him its ok, but he'll still feel anxiety about it, and thus avoid doing it.

For a lot of guys, they get that anxiety/tension whenever they have to make a move on a girl. If he's not capable of getting through it himself, you'll really have to grease the wheels by breaking the touch barrier yourself.

cryptedp · 2020-02-27T18:10:25+00:00

Well he can ask the same question of why you did not go further than flirting innit?

2020-02-27T20:06:03+00:00

Because fucking “MeToo”. You want some action? Make your own move

Insaneflirt_max · 2020-02-27T05:40:57+00:00

Tell him "I have absolutely no physical boundary" lol

Tbh, if he wanted to, he'd make a move. Now you can always help him if he's shy by letting him now that you like being physical.

pureresilience11 · 2020-02-27T14:13:48+00:00

You’re suppose to suggest it “you can touch me you know”

Build up to it, until you’re asking him to make out with you and fuck you

nada-name · 2020-02-27T15:56:25+00:00

This is completely valid. My only answer is that things can slowly progress, can’t they? He can find his hand on my shoulder when we’re talking - easy shrug off if a girl’s not into it. Red light for further touching..?

UpcomingDog · 2020-02-27T06:09:02+00:00

Can you give more context as to what your relation is to this person and how long this has been going on

Title	How do you get a guy to try harder?
Author	nada-name
Upvotes	13
Comments	42
Date	February 27, 2020 5:30 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/fa7ae2/how_do_you_get_a_guy_to_try_harder/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-get-a-guy-to-try-harder.1491398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1491398

Comments