How nice is too nice?

achinator · 2013-07-03T20:04:22+00:00

If you are being nice and expecting anything in return whether it is sex or a girlfriend or whatever, then this is bad. If you're being nice because that's who you are and you enjoy doing those things without any real expectations of her reciprocating, then you're good.

If she's loosing interest you might want to push a bit more to balance it out That doesn't mean being a jerk, it just means being playful and teasing her. Opening doors for her, buying her drinks, and being a perfect gentleman might make her like you, but if you do all those things and bust her balls once in a while too she'll love you.

wazz_up · 2013-07-03T18:32:27+00:00

It would help to include some kind of interactions you've experienced on your dates. Or at least include some of your typical behavior. For all we know your version of nice could be spending the entire night making derogatory jokes about women.

keruha · 2013-07-03T20:24:28+00:00

Being nice and anxious whether she likes it is different from being nice because you know that it's the right thing to do.

RevsCost · 2013-07-04T06:40:30+00:00

If it's just a date, do not be any nicer than you would any other person. They are yet to earn that privilege. Being overly nice just comes off as needy and desperate.

Mooninites7 · 2013-07-04T07:44:51+00:00

if you have to ask you're too nice

rjrocklan · 2013-07-04T17:32:35+00:00

Don't be like any Micheal Cera, except for his character in This Is The End.

R.J. Rocklan

RevsCost · 2013-07-03T19:33:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SoWaS · 2013-07-04T17:05:53+00:00

Read This:

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

RevsCost · 2013-07-04T18:57:30+00:00

If you think about this, you may have a deeper problem.

eof · 2013-07-05T16:24:00+00:00

Part of what could be happening is that your niceness in the form of material gifts, buying dinner, drinks, etc.. You are coming across perhaps needy.

For a first date, esp with now typically feminist ladies, not making any assumptions on gender roles about who opens door for whom, or who is picking up the tab can go a long way to standing out and her feeling good about you.

If you go dutch, but are still genuinely nice and she wants to see you again, and then you treat her.. She is going to probably appreciate that gesture more since it isn't 'expected', whereas if you are not ever letting her pay you are both falling into a general category and therefore maybe less interesting, and, there isn't as much room for her to be genuinely appreciative of any specific event.

If niceness is defined in large part by picking up a tab, you may cut down the 'niceness' a smidge, but I don't think you can really be 'too nice' in terms of having empathy and being good natured.

2013-07-07T12:06:27+00:00

Book: No More Mr. Nice Guy

jbg89 · 2013-07-03T19:49:11+00:00

I think when people label you as nice it's more because of your actions and what you do than what you say verbally. For example if you're always buying a drink, holding her purse, etc.

jacobman · 2013-07-03T20:27:43+00:00

Really you can be as nice as you want, as long as you expect something in return when you go way out of your way. It can be something small so that they won't feel taken advantage of. Small is okay though because people just want to feel like they did something to earn it and that they don't feel like they might owe you something that they won't want to do in the future. When you really go out of your way for someone, suggest a way that they can make up for it which you don't think will make them uncomfortable (for example if you don't think you're at the point where asking for a kiss would work, don't ask for that).

Little things are different. Obviously, you're not going to ask for a favor for every little thing. For little things, don't give yourself up too much. Going out of your way as a guy is akin to giving up sex too easy as a girl. Subconsciously it comes off as you saying that you think you have lower value than them, which is not attractive. In order to show your value, you can't be too eager to please. Expect the other person to reciprocate and don't get too far ahead of how much they seem to be considering you. Basically, be nice, but respect yourself.

Title	How nice is too nice?
Author	RevsCost
Upvotes	10
Comments	30
Date	July 3, 2013 6:02 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hkx54/how_nice_is_too_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-nice-is-too-nice.1354852 https://theredarchive.com/post/1354852

Comments