How to approach guys successfully?

Chunkstyle3030 · 2025-02-02T22:37:23+00:00

I have no advice to offer you because women never approach me under any circumstances whatsoever. Sorry.

TheLustResort · 2025-02-02T22:45:51+00:00

Just start a small talk or if you're with a group and they're sitting next to you join the conversation if you have something relevant to say. If he doesn't continue the conversation and you feel you do all the work then it's not worth it anyway, if it is to go somewhere you'll find out it's natural. I know what I say might be abstract and doesn't really help but it is how it is haha.. After talking a bit joke around and you judge based on how they receive it. But it's usually the "vibe", you just know it's there or not.

epulsive · 2025-02-03T06:59:09+00:00

From a male point of view within your age group...

Nine times out of ten we don't even actually know that you're interested in us, and by the smallest chance we recognize your behavior is flirtatious, we do nothing about it because we don't want to come off as "creepy", "perverted" or "sleazy" I could go into more depth but I don't think this is the place for it...

You're doing great so far aside from the facet that you aren't stating your intention. We males, men, boys and gentlemen are simple creatures who do well with information and direction, not so much without...

My opinion is that you do step 1-4, but when you approach do/say something along the lines of

"hey, my names **** I saw you from over there and thought I'd say hi, compliment I'd like to get to know you better"

From there it will be clear cut if you're wasting your time or not.

If you are it will be clear, if not, social media accounts and/or numbers will most likely be exchanged shortly after. And if so, GET HIS INFO... DON'T GIVE HIM YOURS and don't wait, send the 1st msg right then and there.

"Hey handsome" should be fine, but you should tie this first message in with what your compliment was in your greeting. It shows you're actually invested, and that way it becomes an undeniable fact of reality to that man that you are actually interested in him.

P.S: wasn't supposed to be this long but oh well.

sheetje · 2025-02-02T22:50:23+00:00

It’s hard to say just from the description you’ve given. I’m not sure what your idea of a flirty comment is. I’m not sure what your idea of making yourself seem open is. I also don’t know what exactly expectation is in terms of a reaction from the guys you’re talking to. Also, what do you mean that you’re talking to an uncle? I’m just trying to understand. Also, yeah, you’re saying that you lose interest when the guy becomes interested? What the heck? What kinda timeline are we talking about here? Can you walk me through an example?

Ausernamenottaken- · 2025-02-02T23:39:53+00:00

There would also be a fourth conclusion.

Despite all of this, some guys remain completely unaware that you are flirting with them. They remain completely oblivious despite your signals.

(Edit - additional comment)!

Your escalation process is really good btw. You don’t need to change anything.

eablokker · 2025-02-02T23:58:36+00:00

Sounds like you're doing pretty well at the approach and getting into the conversation. Good job so far.

The key thing to keep in mind is that people tend to behave in accordance with their emotional state. If he is feeling unsure, bored, unsafe, stressed, pressured, uncomfortable, etc. then he will behave that way. He's not likely to ask for your number or call you if he's feeling that way.

Emotional states tend to get linked socially. So if you're a stranger to him, he's got zero emotional state about you, he doesn't know how to feel about you, and as a result doesn't know how to act. There's a saying "people won't remember what you do, but they will remember how you made them feel." This is literally true because of the way the brain forms memories around emotions. When you make someone feel emotions, good or bad, they become linked to you and they remember them each time they see you or think about you. This could also be the reason why you lose interest, because he's not making you feel any emotions.

It is your job to make him feel the emotions that are conducive to acting out the behaviors you want to see. If you picture a couple who are in love and they go out with each other often, what emotional states are going on there? They feel connection, safety, comfort, trust, fun, humor, excitement, passion, etc., add your own. That's how you want to make him feel.

There are many ways to influence another person's emotions.

One way is by you going into the emotion first, and because emotions are contagious, they will rub off on the other person.

The topic of conversation can influence how someone feels, if they have certain emotions already linked to those topics. You can find topics that make them feel good by asking what are their favorite things, what makes them feel alive, what gets them excited, what are they passionate about, how do those things make them feel, what about that makes them feel that way, etc. As a bonus, you've not only made him feel good, but you've gotten to know who he is on a deeper level.

Another way is asking people to remember a time when they felt a certain emotion, or asking them to visualize or describe a time when they did, or to visualize a future scenario that would make them feel that. You can do that on yourself too, to get yourself into the state you want.

Behaviors and social scenarios can trigger emotions, for example if he sees you kissing another guy he may feel jealousy. This can be unreliable though because someone may not react with a specific emotion to a specific situation the same that someone else might.

The key is, you've got to make them FEEL something. Even if it's just your own good feelings rubbing off on them.

cyrusm_az · 2025-02-03T06:03:04+00:00

Step 7 should be “hey I like you, I’d love to go out on a date with you”. Try it out

originalgainster · 2025-02-03T16:48:00+00:00

What is wrong with uncles 😄

Happy-Addition-9507 · 2025-02-04T00:10:05+00:00

Guys generally don't pick up on signals like that unless they were taught to. We tend to communicate differently than women. Toss in not wanting flirting to be treated as harassment or worse. So tell them what you think and why.

ThunderInYourHeart7 · 2025-02-02T23:32:31+00:00

Hey there! Other comments don’t seem to be too helpful so I’m gonna give my advice here the best I can for you, OP. First of all you’re doing a great job I wish more women would be more like you, except for the approaching part. I say this because a man should be the one approaching a woman but ik ik it’s 2025 and women can approach etc etc. and unfortunately young men in the age group you’re interested in are too inexperienced with women they now need women to approach first ( along with other factors which I’ll get to in a moment ). A good tell tale sign OP to see if a guy is less experienced or inexperienced with talking to women, flirting and with “ seduction” is if he doesn’t approach you first or doesn’t make the moves first etc. You’re gonna have to understand and see it from a men’s perspective for a brief moment to better understand why you’re having issues with the men you’re approaching. A lot of these young men most likely grew up and didn’t have many friends or no friends especially no female friends to have experience with talking to women. And if they did have friends their friends probably were in the same boat too and terrible with women also. There’s also the big factor here of social media and online content that’s being pushed to men. A lot of this is fear mongering about if you say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing to/around a woman you’ll be seen as a creep or they see things about how women hate being approached by men and or they just flat out hate men for existing etc. all this and much more are making young men uncomfortable and scared to talk to women or be around them. There’s also another factor that women are being more like men nowadays and looking more intimidating and looking less approachable. A lot of women have crazy face piercing, tattoos headphones on and the biggest one the RBF. And I wish more women would be like you with actually smiling back, and waving or doing more clues/signs of wanting to be approached. You know how you said on your post guys will just smile back and not approach? That’s how it is for men to when they want to approach but all we get is just a smile and nothing else. Anyone can smile if they want to be friendly. But anyways, I also peeped your parole OP and you’re a very beautiful young woman. And look/come off as very feminine which can also make some of these guys you talk to more nervous when it comes to approaching you and when it comes to escalating when talking to you. There’s that old saying or what not that everyone things the really attractive women are always getting hit on but in reality guys are to nervous so they don’t get approached as people seem they do. Which I think relates with you as well. To end it for your last part of your post, the guys are interested, trust me I’m sure they are. If they weren’t they wouldn’t try to make a move once you two become friends etc. and yes, like I said a lot of these guys are scared and don’t know how to talk to women let alone socialize. So keep that in mind and make it a bit easier and safe for them when talking to them. OP, just like with men it’s trial and error and a numbers game. If you’re gonna keep approaching them you’ll have to until you finally find a guy to make it work with. Good luck, OP, and my comment is gonna be long and a big sandwich paragraph cuz I’m typing this on mobile but ya. Hope this helps!

SPKEN · 2025-02-02T22:59:42+00:00

Ask for their number or Instagram instead of waiting for them to ask for yours??? Stop waiting for someone else to do what you won't and you'll get farther faster

SoundQuestionTemp · 2025-02-04T03:32:28+00:00

You have two choices as a woman: 1) Be extremely direct (this works if you just want to get laid), or 2) Be extremely patient

A guy with the balls to actually engage with you in a man-to-woman way, at your age, is going to be rare. It's that simple. Most of these guys are crippled with their own thirst. They have a high sex drive, and they cannot express that sex drive, because of social taboo, fear of rejection, insecurity, a lack of experience, and so on. You'll want to understand this about men if you want more success with them. Imagine being absolutely starving and your favorite dessert ever, is just presented to you everywhere. And you can't fix your starvation and you almost never get the dessert. You'd be psychologically fucked up to some degree, right? That's what you have to understand.

So, you as a woman have a lot of power. You can ask them out to a concert or for a drink(or even just netflix and chill works wonders, almost any guy will say yes to you). This takes SO MUCH anxiety away from a dude by the way, to have them know that you are definitely interested, that it a) makes them very excited to have a good time with you, and b) dissolves their worries and leaves them only with whatever natural confidence they have as a man.

So... that's the quick and easy. If you want a truly confident guy, then... yeah sorry that just involves more of a grind for a woman and it's not that you're doing something "wrong" but it's more of a numbers game. Flirt subtly and eventually you'll find a guy with balls and he'll show you an extraordinarily good time.

Edit: The best sex I ever had was with a girl who asked me out, and who even asked to kiss me. It was her asking every time.

This was because I was horribly insecure and awkward despite being tall and generally confident(just not with women), a problem that basically every guy has to some degree, men are struggling sexually at all levels, even handsome and desirable men struggle to some real degree because they have the most intense competition for the hottest girls, it's not all sunshine and rainbows like people think. Anyway, tangent aside, I wrote the above from personal experience. Being certain a girl is interested in you literally generates and manifests confidence in men, which then you will find attractive as a woman, and that attraction generates more confidence-- it's like a cheat code for attraction from my experience

No_Opportunity_5783 · 2025-02-05T11:38:01+00:00

It’s probably #2 tbh. Guys these days aren’t trained to approach girls they like out fear of being creepy or getting made fun of. If you’re at least not ugly, chances are these guys like you but are afraid to express it. I guess you should just make yourself more available to the ones you actually like. If you have to, ask them if they “want your number.”

Good luck!

Sure-Impress1196 · 2025-02-05T12:27:40+00:00

My advice don't try to approach directly coz it takes away the attraction factor. In my experience when girls approach me it seems to turn me off. I'm not sure why but I guess we guys like to approach the girl we like and make the first move. But if you really don't want to miss the opportunity just give him subtle hints that a guy can catch.

_SKUL_ · 2025-02-03T00:04:13+00:00

Ur approach is valid, I would react to that immediately if I found you attractive. So heres my question, do you think ur attractive or are you chuzzz?

pavlitohose · 2025-02-03T11:12:45+00:00

Yeah im telling you, 90% of the times we dont realise you are flirting or we are scarred to death. Both are equally possible.

Friendly-Canadianguy · 2025-02-02T22:58:20+00:00

Look hot.

epulsive · 2025-02-03T06:40:25+00:00

Honestly, you just have to be straight up the guts about it 9/10 we don't know your hitting on us and the 1/10 chance we think you might be, we don't want to do anything about it in fear we may have "read it wrong" and end up seaming like a creep.

Here's how it should play.. do your first steps, aka, make yourself approachable, open for conversation... Make eye contact and wave, smile so on and so forth...

If it gets to the point where you have to initiate a conversation just introduce yourself and your intention.

"Hi my name is **, I saw you from over there and thought I'd like to get to know you, I think you're pretty (sexy, cute, handsome... Whatever you think) got a minute to chat??"

And from there you can gauge whether or not they (he) has an interest in you...

M3dio_metro · 2025-02-03T00:05:31+00:00

Its number 2 just keep approaching until you get a nonpussy man

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-02-03T00:21:56+00:00

You have to keep chasing them until they relent and let you see the D.

wervil · 2025-02-03T02:29:36+00:00

Maybe you should give the older guys a chance, or, you need to explicitly ask the little boys on a date because they don’t know how to do that in this generation. I remember being younger and it was difficult and nerve wracking but I just had to overcome it and ask even if I was shaking and sweating, and it still worked so... If you as a girl are going to do the approaching don’t try to get them to seal the deal, you are the one approaching so at that point it’s on you to ask them on a date. I know that goes against the historical gender convention but if you aren’t getting approached and asked out then you might as well take the lead or settle for the experienced older man who can take you on dates and understand what’s going on.

Title	How to approach guys successfully?
Author	r-pardonmyposts
Upvotes	7
Comments	35
Date	February 2, 2025 10:26 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ig9l1w/how_to_approach_guys_successfully/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-approach-guys-successfully.1542789 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542789

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