How to handle flakiness?

MADBARZ · 2016-07-23T00:12:23+00:00

She flaked. It happens, man.

Girls don't know what they want and they have an abundance of men at their finger tips. Therefore they can make plans one day and just think, "Eh, maybe next time," when the date actually comes.

Keep making plans; numbers are key.

PM_ME_UR_SOCKS_GIRL · 2016-07-23T01:25:30+00:00

whatever you do, don't go chasing after them thinking that there was something wrong with YOU which made the flake. Fuck em. They're the ones who missed out

Conotocaurious85 · 2016-07-23T00:51:56+00:00

Honestly you come off as someone who is easily affected by external stimuli. Girls pick up on that so very quickly. Plus you have painted yourself as a guy with no options (telling her you want out of dating due to flakes).

Both are probably the same reasons why other girls flake.

recyclablebanthas · 2016-07-23T06:28:29+00:00

I was talking to a girl on Tinder let's call her Sarah. Sarah and I got along swimmingly.....

First off, realize that Tinder is not for establishing a pen pal. And however nice the conversation was, it doesn't mean a thing unless you meet.

You were already investing more than you should have with this girl. You get a feel for someone and it's like, okay, she might be cool. Let's meet her and see.

Because deciding that you already get along or that she's cool, is obviously jumping too far ahead.

I told her I was pretty much ready to get out of the dating game because of how flakey people have been.

Just going to point out that this admission, while it might have felt good for you, was a little personal and communicated things you probably didn't intend:

That people have been flaking on you, which doesn't happen unless they don't want to meet.....which could have caused her to start viewing everything you did for reasons why she might want to flake.
Showed fear that she was going to flake.
Showed an attempt at getting validation from her that she wouldn't flake.
Showed lack of belief in yourself.

Whether or not you intended it, any or all of thrse things might have been transmitted.

Remember, a formal relationship should be one where the person supports you, but this was not a relationship. It was the opening stages of investigation. And there you were, basically demanding that she prop you up, right at the beginning. Probably a bit too personal.

A couple things are true. She's not worth your time because she couldn't communicate clearly about changing her mind. And you must work on yourself because right now, you're going to be screening out anyone who doesn't want to be a therapist as they date you.

Crailberry · 2016-07-23T05:19:56+00:00

Yeah your first mistake was telling her you were pretty much through dating because of flakiness. That's not keeping frame.

Women flake on me all the time. And I flake on women through tinder all the time. Well, I don't set up a date and flake, but I'll talk to them on tinder and then randomly stop talking to them sometimes cause I'm just not feeling it. I'm not trying to date every female that I match with.

It happens. On to the next one.

dostitties · 2016-07-23T00:37:38+00:00

Bitches be crazy!

TPUBGU · 2016-07-23T01:33:10+00:00

We've all been there. It sucks. I personally don't do the whole "pretending I don't give a shit" thing because I actually do give a shit... If I actually care about the girl who flakes. I get honest and tell her that I'm not gonna deal with flakeyness... and react accordingly to their ACTIONS not what they say. but if it's someone I never met in real life and just talked to online who flakes then I just ignore it cause that is annoying but it doesn't get to me cause in my view people aren't real until you actually meet them. For all you know it could have been a 60 year old dude catfishing you

TheXXL · 2016-07-24T10:41:34+00:00

I was talking to a girl on Tinder let's call her Sarah. Sarah and I got along swimmingly and I told her I was pretty much ready to get out of the dating game because of how flakey people have been. She said that that would be a shame

This here is important. You told her that you are frustrated, she connected to this feeling and wanted to make it better by telling you that would be a shame, maybe she was a little bit interested at first.

so I asked her out and we made plans for Friday at 7.

What do you think she shlud have answered after you told her about your frustrations? She felt like she had to say yes since you would judge her if she now said "no".

We continue to talk up until Friday, when I sent her a text saying hey are we still on for 7? I never got a response.

That´s common. She knew she would not want to go, but also she was scared to say no in the first place, so she thought that she would find a reason to say no in a polite way, or that you simply forget. Then the day comes, and she feels pressured, she doesn´t want to go, but she also doesn´t want to be judged or have guy go creep on her for not going out with him. The easy way is to just ignore and hope the other person will keep quiet.

This kind of thing happens all the time. Why is it that these girls flake out and totally cut all contact? I don't understand what's so hard about sending a text saying I can't or don't want to go anymore. End of story.

Those girls take the easy way out, saying no to a guy can mean they get judged, they get harrassed or whatever can damage their fragile ego, so they prefer to play the ghosting game.

Can anyone help me feel less rage right now? So understanding might help. I haven't sent anything back and I'm not planning on it

Not sending anything is the first step to not care anymore, and move on. As to feel less rage, i myself don´t get attached to a girl that i don´t even know in person, so i put in way less effort in getting that date. It consist of a few texts, an asking out, and then one chance for her to make it. If she flakes once, i delete the number and move on. The only one exception i make, where a girl get´s another chance, is when she initiates and makes a new date proposal, which i treat with extremely low priority and time investment. Easy as that. After a while you will get to a point where you really don´t care anymore.

maninblack234 · 2016-07-23T01:11:45+00:00

It happens bro, all the time, just keep at it, don't worry if you're hot, if you put effort it will work out

Title	How to handle flakiness?
Author	nolimitnova
Upvotes	36
Comments	20
Date	July 22, 2016 10:24 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4u5cr3/how_to_handle_flakiness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-handle-flakiness.1409920 https://theredarchive.com/post/1409920

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