When I was four years old, I remember being at the grocery store and hiding behind my mom when a stranger would say hello to me.

In high school, classmates would be shocked when I said a word or contributed to a discussion.

My entire life I grew up telling myself I was shy and I believed myself to be an introvert.

And whenever a cute girl would talk to me in class, I would self-destruct with a bunch of limiting beliefs...

"This girl could never like someone like me. I'm too shy or quiet for her to ever notice me..."

If only I had something cool or interesting to say, then I could maybe get her to like me..."

My shy way of living and growing up was chaining me down while everyone else around me seemed to be having fun.

Today, I work in Silicon Valley doing tech sales and my entire success is dependent on my ability to spark conversations with people who are above me in stature (Directors, Vice Presidents, and Senior Vice Presidents of wealthy, Fortune 1000 Companies).

If I'm not confident in my ability to talk, then I don't get paid. Period.

And living in San Francisco... rent is expensive.

So I am literally depending on my people skills to survive.

How can a shy guy like me thrive here? How did I overcome my own, imprisoning belief systems? How can you do it too?

That's what we will go into in today's post.

But first, a story...

My girlfriend's landlords were selling the property where she was living.

I happened to be staying the weekend with her and we were expecting the real estate agent in the morning.

The real estate agent arrived much earlier than we anticipated and he walked in on a messy situation (no pun intended).

The place wasn't cleaned up. The kitchen was a mess and the living room was messy.

And at any second, the real estate agent was expecting the potential new home owners to arrive for a tour of the place.

This was an unfortunate situation for him to be in.

And yet he handled it all with ease. He was confident and calm. We were anxious.

We quickly rushed out the front door and made our way to the local Starbucks to kill some time while he gave his tours but the whole car ride there had me thinking...

How could that guy finesse an uncomfortable situation so confidently, whereas many of us would be pissed? Why was he able to handle us so calmly, when others might be nervous? Did he grow up a certain way or did he learn this confidence over time?

The real estate agent had a cool calmness and I couldn't help but respect it.

I hadn't realized it but I was thinking out loud. The whole car ride to Starbucks, I couldn't quit raving about this guy.

My girlfriend was listening to it all and laughed, asking if I always did this.

And I did. I always analyze social situations like that. I'm a curious weirdo. In fact, this is the same analytical approach I take towards my own internal thoughts and feelings.

It's helped me immensely.

This is the approach I took to cancel all negative beliefs and thoughts I had about myself.

Here's how you can make use of this lesson...

The "Doctor's Analysis" Approach

Silicon Valley's fast moving startup world should have destroyed me. An introvert like me should have been ripped up to pieces.

Instead, I thrived.

How...?

I started doing what I call the "Doctor's Analysis" approach.

The Doctors Analysis approach means that you take a moment to curiously analyze your thoughts instead of negatively judging them (and destroying your confidence).

Here are the questions I ask myself (and the ones you should ask yourself too):

⁃ Why do I think like this? What experiences have led me to think this way?

⁃ When did I begin thinking like this? Was it something in my childhood or some other traumatic experience?

⁃ Is this thought beneficial or harmful?

⁃ If I could have a better mindset, how would I think?

Like a doctor analyzes your pain, you should analyze your negative thoughts. Objectively, curiously, and non-judgmentally.

Most guys beat themselves up over such thoughts. Even more guys distract themselves through lifting, pickup, or drinking and they fail to ever get to the root of their insecurities.

But if you take a moment to just think about the way you think, you'll realize how many bullshit stories you've been telling yourself all your life.

(I would argue 98% of your "I'm not good enough" beliefs are based on bullshit stories you've been telling yourself since you were a kid, and you never bothered to question them, so they're just there without any real foundations. It's like that bloated, pre-installed software on your computer that you never bothered to uninstall).

Taking a page from my own life, I always believed I was an introvert. I strongly identified as one and as a result acted as one in every situation. You can imagine how harmful and limiting this story was towards my dating life...

When I took the moment to ask myself a few questions about why I was the way I was, I never found a solid answer to justify my actions.

When did begin being so shy? Roughly at the age of four, if memory serves me right.

Is there anything that happened that caused me to behave this way? Nothing extremely traumatic, from what I can remember... (and if it was so traumatic, wouldn't I remember it?)

Why am I this way? Is it beneficial? No. It's not. So let's replace it.

This is a dumbed down version, but you get the point.

It's answers like these that will make you realize how much of your own limiting beliefs are fake. You'll soon let go of the stories you've told yourself for many years (but never bothered to question or inspect). Actually, even writing about this now I'm sort of reminded about that elephant being chained to the ground because he's been conditioned to think he's weak and can't break free.

I'd recommend you take the Doctors Analysis approach and take a deep dive into your personality.

Anytime a negative thought pops up, question it. Become curious about it. Analyze it like a doctor.

This is what Buddha would probably call awareness. It's taking a bird's eye view of your own belief system.

You might be surprised by what you see.

There is one other way to apply the Doctors Analysis approach.

... And that's by applying it towards others.

Remember the real estate agent example? How I analyzed him and his actions?

I do the exact same thing to my friends and colleagues who I admire.

One of my colleagues at work, Jay, is phenomenal with people. His social skills impress me and I can't help but just admire the guy and how personable he is.

So one day we were all grabbing drinks and I asked, "Jay, I gotta ask... How are you so freakin' social man? Have you always been so extroverted? Was it a way you were raised? I'm curious man, you've gotta teach me your ways."

To my surprise, he wasn't raised under any special circumstances. In fact, he had a pretty rough upbringing in India where he went to English-based boarding schools and he was the only Indian kid amongst white kids (or something like that, don't quote me). So he always stuck out and he never made many friends. This destroyed his self-confidence.

My point is, if you take a moment to apply the Doctors Analysis approach towards others, you'll learn a lot. You'll also be surprised to learn that many people had worse circumstances than you and still came out on top.

My challenge to you would be to admire someone else's skill sets and question them. How did they become the person they are today? Then learn from them. Think of someone within your social circle who you can question. Here's a corny example between me and my best friend, but you get the point lol

One last thing I want to say...

You should be happy you have flaws.

Imagine a world where we're a perfect. Imagine a world where we're all tall, handsome, witty, muscular dudes with tight game. Then we'd all be the same. There would be no differentiating of ourselves. Nobody would be unique.

Own your flaws and recognize that they make you who you are. What you'll learn by applying the Doctors Analysis approach towards others is that top performers come out on top despite their flaws. When you realize that, it's a game changer.

It's like my favorite comic artist Scott Adams says,

"It's easy to assume the good-looking and well-spoken person in front of you has it all together and is therefore superior. The reality is that everyone is a basket case on the inside. Find me a normal person and I'll show you someone you don't know that well."

That's pretty powerful. That's taken from page 130 of his book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big. If you haven't read it you might want to now.

That's all I gotta say.

If you like my post you might like my Snapchat (username: snapsocialguru) where I'm posting social breakdowns every week. Feel free to add me and say hello.

Your boy,

Laz