I have a very strong desire for external validation and can't seem to shake it

Jacob_961 · 2016-12-18T11:46:03+00:00

You can change a lot in a month alone. Keep meditating and learn to be enough by yourself. The thing you want to be a player, even worse that you are content with feeling like one, this is the validation seeking part. There is no issue with having a goal but wanting desperately to better immediately will make you go crazy. Imagine a skinny guy who is trying to get buff and is telling the world how he can bench press 200 pounds. Wanting validation is a sign that you feel you have a lack. The way to fix it is to realise that there are 2 types of value, real value and human value. On a humanity level, we are all equal. A beautiful girl has more value than an ugly girl but to suggest that the beautiful girl's life is more valuable than the ugly one's is not only politically incorrect, it is downright wrong. Human life has equal value regardless of race, gender, money, status or looks. I'm not telling you this so that you stay mediocre and never work on yourself, no. But realising that you have human value frees you from fear and allows you to work on your real self without worrying about your self image being questioned by every interaction.

MindsEvolve · 2016-12-18T15:41:55+00:00

After working with people that used to be fat, I realized that it took them time and effort to lose weight, but most people don't immediately spend the time and effort it takes to shed their negative self image that they got comfortable with for so long. I highly recommend affirmations for this. It goes well beyond meditation, and actually reaches down for negative beliefs left behind and helps chip away at our insecurities.

I wrote an article on how I chipped away at my insecurities over a period of a few months and saw pretty insane results. You can PM me if you want some more of the details on that.

https://medium.com/@evanmagor/how-i-overcame-my-insecurities-in-dating-7f19ecc805c2#.m94gvi47p

monkeyman114 · 2016-12-18T22:54:50+00:00

Tip #1: Don't get drunk, it ruins your game. In fact don't even drink. I will just have a glass of OJ and call it a screwdriver.

shoganaiyo · 2016-12-18T19:30:51+00:00

The need for validation is rooted very deep, is often formed through childhood and your formative years and serves an evolutionary social function. It never goes away, you just have to learn to get your validation somewhere else. Self-validation techniques work if you practice them regularly. You're still young, so you'll find it comes naturally through life experience, through things that build your identity and self-confidence. Take part in social activities and volunteer

askerman97 · 2016-12-18T17:59:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I have a very strong desire for external validation and can't seem to shake it
Author	askerman97
Upvotes	22
Comments	12
Date	December 18, 2016 10:01 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5izm06/i_have_a_very_strong_desire_for_external/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-a-very-strong-desire-for-external.1417287 https://theredarchive.com/post/1417287

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