I have trouble being likeable.

drumdance · 2012-03-31T02:57:05+00:00

Being a leader is not about being better or one step ahead. It's about knowing where you want to go. Others may choose to follow you, or they may not. Regardless, they won't do it based on whether you are better or smarter, but because you have a compelling vision.

faithamor1337 · 2012-03-31T03:19:53+00:00

Be kind and nice to everyone. If you want them to be better people, they will want you to be a better person too.

Butterbawlz · 2012-03-31T03:30:29+00:00

I think your problem is that your too focused on your relative standing to others. Stop drawing comparisons to other people and live for your own sake.

SoHiSoFly · 2012-03-31T18:24:04+00:00

It starts with having a true respect and belief in yourself and your abilities. You need to amplify your positives and eradicate/minimize your negatives.

When you work on yourself; be funny, be honest, willing to help and willing to take control of situations when needed... that is when one's intrinsic leadership ability ignites!

Work on having an honest love of yourself (not an infatuation, that's being a douchebag) and a love for well-being of others to make sure they have fun. Then, and only then, people will naturally want to be around you because of your inviting spirit.

ATLien325 · 2012-03-31T06:22:30+00:00

Honestly it's a wrong train of thought, but I always say as far as game and women go - it's better to be overconfident/cocky than it is to be shy and meek. One version is you going up to the plate, and swinging for the fences on every pitch. And one is you riding the bench, never even getting on deck. Which one would you choose?

frogma · 2012-03-31T06:26:39+00:00

Like these guys said, comparing yourself to people (and especially, throwing a negative light on others) probably isn't gonna do much for you.

Follow the example of this friend of yours. Find other guys who are like him too (I'm sure you have plenty of friends who kinda fit the example of the "benevolent leader"). Bill Clinton's also a decent example.

Do they legitimately think they're better than other people? Maybe, to a certain extent, and in a certain way. Do they try to show other people that they're better? NOPE. Not at all. If anything (Tom Cruise is a great example of this), they build up other people, and basically provide a shitload of value to them.

You never want to get into the mindset where you think you have to "compete" with other guys. Main reason is because you'll never match up to someone like Brad Pitt (on a macro scale), and you'll never match up to that random hot guy at the bar/club (on a micro scale). And guess what -- even if you try to "overpower" that guy (or whatever), he's probably gonna make you look like a fool (because he's been doing that shit his whole life simply because he looks good and has a ton of experience with it).

And, obviously, there will be times where you're hanging out with one or more guys who are considered "alpha" for whatever reason. Are you really just gonna try to compete with them? If there's more than 2 or 3 of them, you're gonna fail miserably, guaranteed. If you're ever around guys like that, really pay attention to how they act. I think you'll find that they often delegate certain things, and even outright "give up" certain things, in order to fit in with the group.

I also want to point out some of the specific things you mentioned though, because they're kinda weird to me:

If someone listens to music I used to listen to

What do you mean by that? I can understand this thought-process if you're talking about someone who still listens to... maybe Linkin Park or a band like that -- but for the most part, that doesn't make much sense. I think it's just a projection of your own insecurity. You feel like you want to be ahead of the game in terms of musical taste, so you stay ahead of that game, and you "look down on" anyone who's "behind." Meanwhile though, other people don't feel the same way about music, but you're projecting those thoughts onto them.

has worse clothes than me

This one's especially bad, just based on what I've done and what I've seen. I wear hoodies to bars all the time, especially if it's pretty chilly outside (that way, I don't have to wear a big bulky coat but I can still stay pretty warm). I also think if you were to take a survey of the guys who get laid the most, you'll find that a huge amount of them don't wear things specifically to look good -- a bunch of guys will just wear sweatpants and a t-shirt because they don't give a fuck, and it ends up working fine for them. If I'm not at a wedding or funeral, I'll wear just about anything. You might be judging me for it, but most other people will hardly notice.

Do some introspection and ask yourself why you feel the way you do about certain things. I'm pretty sure you're projecting some of your own insecurities, so really take a look at those and try to develop a healthier mindset about those things. Even as it pertains to other guys, there's a reason you feel the need to "compete." I think what you'll find is that other guys are really competitive and shit for the most part, but girls couldn't care less about that bullshit, and you'll often become more attractive by being the guy who doesn't try to compete at all.

2012-03-31T08:04:38+00:00

I think it's better to explore why you feel the need to think like that. Often you'll find it linked back to some sort of deep seated insecurity you have.

For instance, I used to think that I was strong because I could (and did) walk away from everyone and everything I ever loved. All that ever got me was failed relationships (friends, family, girls, etc.). True strength came when I recognized that my 'walking away' was actually just weakness in disguise. Walking away was always easy for me - what took guts was staying to face the problems, working it out and maintaining a good relationship.

Supervert · 2012-03-31T20:03:48+00:00

Leadership has never been about being better than others. That's just arrogance. Having better shit says nothing about your leadership. You're just compensating for your lack of real personality and it shows.

vanillajeans · 2012-04-01T13:04:16+00:00

you can be a leader and be approachable and caring at the same time. you just have to get the right balance. and dont let your ego scare too many people away. its good that you wanna be a step ahead but that doesnt entail being a leader. be honest and kind and you will see things will work out better for you.

Title	I have trouble being likeable.
Author	turtle_thunder
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	March 31, 2012 2:35 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rlvxn/i_have_trouble_being_likeable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-trouble-being-likeable.1330700 https://theredarchive.com/post/1330700

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