Is there something wrong with being an effeminate man?

Adbice-Advice · 2022-07-10T08:16:55+00:00

Hard to say, and hard to say how to say it, OP. I guess this might be a long, rambling post from a guy who's bi, which may disqualify me in the eyes of a lot of macho dudes around here. Take me with a grain of salt, this is all going to be high minded and pretentious as fuck, but it's the way I see it.

It's very easy to see a masculine, and feminine side of nearly everything in the world. Languages deriving from Latin separate nearly every noun in their dictionary by masculine and feminine, and you must change the pronunciation of your verbs to match it. Putting things into little masculine and feminine boxes is literally in much of the way we speak. But also, there's no one out there that will tell you that referring to "Bread" as a masculine food, and "tongue meat" as feminine, is a little fuckin' silly. Yet, people have done it for eons, and will continue to do it. Not out of sexism, mind you, but simply because the way they communicate, and the society around them dictates it. (We live in a society.)

But slang changes fast, and so does societal opinion of beauty and gender. In the middle ages, people considered being fat to be a status symbol. Obviously, now, many people see it differently. When sex icon Elvis Presley stepped on the stage, people heckled his long hair, and pink suits. Obviously, there were women who would wet themselves with excitement, just to be granted the chance to like the sweat off his wrist. Is that masculine? Is it feminine? Who fucking cares?

It's hot.

Elvis Presley was hot to these people. And he fucking knew it.

And surely, there are things we don't like about both gender roles. "Men can be so distant." "Women can be so emotional!" "All men do is tempt women, and all women do is be prudes!"

Yes, those are things we stereotype people into, and to some degree might believe. But we also know it not to be the case, and we have proof of those opinions being switched in history. Once again, going back to the middle ages, women were considered the more promiscuous of the sexes, and men were considered to be more up in their emotions.

Is it manly to own your estate, and to be in charge of your finances? Well not to the Spartans, who'd often leave their estates in the name of their wives, so much so, that women ended up running most of Sparta via guilds. "Why, budgeting is womans work, I have a war to prepare for." "Hunting? Well, sure maybe a little, but we have to pray to our goddess Artemis first."

What about David Bowie? Absolute Bi-con, and did you see how fuckin hot he was on the cover of "Toy?" I mean goddamn. Why bring him up? Because yeah, dude may kinda look like a lady, but who cares, because androgyny can be hot as fuck. Abs are sexy on everyone. Boxy shoulders can exude strength and power. And there isn't a person alive who doesn't appreciate a well toned rear.

Why bring this up? Its all about gaze.

Yes, there is the masculine, and the feminine gaze, but we know that being masculine and feminine is not the be all end all of sexual attraction. There's many forms of "gaze," and its up to you to figure out which gazes you want to exude, and which you want to see in your partners.

Say, for example, you're like me, and have a very soft spot for goth women. There's the obvious female gaze she gives off, because, hey, she's got big breasts and a vagina. But then, theres another feeling. She's got a sort of rebelliousness about her, a perverse sort of aura. She's bad, and she dresses like she knows it. A sort of power dynamic is here, and she's giving of a "not only am I someone to be admired, but a powerful, angry someone," sort of gaze. Maybe even a "wrongness" or a "perversion" sort of gaze. Does that have to be gendered? Could a man, dressed, and acting correctly, not also be this? But what else? She's offering champagne - equating herself to food. And she's asking to "come play," like a toy. Could a guy not do all this, say the same words, and still excite someone just as much? The gaze you give off, I'd argue, is often times much more important than what's in your pants, or how much you can bench.

Fuck gender roles, honestly. This isn't coming from any sort of very non-binary, woke, millennial fuss, but rather is coming from the knowledge that true Scots wear kilts, true friends in India hold hands, femdom porn is on the fuckin rise, a lot of dudes would kill for a amazon woman to rip them a fucking new one, and there's women out there who'd kill their entire family to sleep with a member of BTS. Give it a decade or two, and shit will be different again. Why try to chase it? Why care?

OP, maybe you're non-binary, or not totally straight. And that's fine, despite what any dude bro on any forum might say. I'd say it's 1000x better to be hot in a way that you like and memorable. And when you find it, OP, lean into it.

I for one love being a male, but, I enjoy being a sexual being much more. I don't personally think it would change me much if I were anatomically a woman. I'd still prefer to be thin, still prefer to feel my forearms flex, and suck in my gut as I stretch in the mirror, pop my back and sexily smile at my reflection. Do I take pride in my masculinity, sure, but not to the point I'll change my day over it.

Because I'm hot already, goddamnit.

Liberaler · 2022-07-10T05:36:49+00:00

Some guys are rather feminine, but feel deep inside of them, that they want to embody masculine qualities. In this case they imho should try to conquer their on masculinity.
Other guys have more or less a feminine side, but that is their core personality. In this case, they should learn to accept themselves.
Being a man is a journey. As a young guy you probably don't fully know who/what/how you are. That is normal. Don't worry.

FractalGuise · 2022-07-10T05:33:34+00:00

Hey OP I’m a world renowned psychic and I just wanna let you know you are about to get a lot of bad advice. If you find yourself questioning your true self because you can’t find love you are walking down a road of mental anguish. Don’t try and change who you are for anyone, no matter how desperate you are. Pussy is not worth dealing with the pain of living a lie. There are definitely girls out that that are into effeminate men if that is indeed what you are. I would suggest taking a introspective look at your confidence though. That usually is the biggest roadblock for men when trying to get women.

Also start doing coke. Bitches LOVE coke.

P7o7s7t7a7l · 2022-07-10T05:18:20+00:00

Yeah, there's something wrong. Everyone has their own communication style, but if I talked like a girl, I would hope someone would just shoot me.

nevertextgoodnight · 2022-07-10T04:56:24+00:00

Depends, I mean is it the way you dress? Or is it more that you take a back seat in life?

If it's referring to certain behavior, then it's something to look into because women are not trying to date men who act like women and please don't take this as an insult. Just describing a common issue

Looking forward to elaboration to offer further help if needed

Contango6969 · 2022-07-10T05:46:00+00:00

Not necessarily but probably. If you are perceived as effeminate because you are weak or whatever.

But being a player has always been something that is not hyper masculine imo. At least to the extent that it is rebelling against societies expectations of men. A man is supposed to work at the steel mill and have a wife and children at age 22, a pickup artist says fuck that. The guys trying to be over the top masculine usually aren’t very good. If you’re naturally hyper masculine then that’s different.

johny_white · 2022-07-10T08:02:08+00:00

Well, this is a good question, feminine attracts masculine so if you are in the middle normally you'll be more attracted to less feminine woman. Women who are extremely feminine will be attracted to men who are extremely masculine. If you are a normal dude like most men and not really in the middle between masculinity and femininity (neutral), and you are attracted to women who are extremely feminine it is possible that you are just not expressing your masculinity enough and it is something you should consider improving in order to get more feminine and attractive women.

_kyago · 2022-07-10T09:39:29+00:00

nothing wrong at all! my partner does a lot of things that would be considered less macho (ie skincare, gardening, interior design) and i wouldn't have it any other way.

he can engage in a lot of conversations with a wider range of people (including me, who has more traditionally feminine interests/hobbies) and takes care of himself. it's really nice to have a dude who looks like a lumberjack send me a picture of a little cornflower in the middle of the day.

stanthemilkman88 · 2022-07-10T12:32:44+00:00

Need more information than being "effeminate".

roskybosky · 2022-07-11T13:16:54+00:00

Woman here.

Without knowing more about ‘how feminine?’ I can say this; women are attracted to feminine qualities if they are a certain type.

Think of boy bands, male models, even the Beatles were very feminine for the times with their long hair, silly jokes in interviews, slim bodies, and recording many ‘girl group’ songs early in their careers.

I would say you’re fine with leaning feminine, esp. with younger women who like cute guys and not hulky, hairy, super manly men.

Title	Is there something wrong with being an effeminate man?
Author	HandicappedWeeb
Upvotes	3
Comments	14
Date	July 10, 2022 4:39 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vvjojy/is_there_something_wrong_with_being_an_effeminate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-there-something-wrong-with-being-an-effeminate.1254876 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254876

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