Hi everyone,

First time posting. I'm not going to lie. For a very long time I was a hopelessly depressed individual, who thought I was doomed to spend the rest of my days absolutely alone, only to eventually end up becoming known in my neighborhood as the bitter old mysterious dotard who died alone because he was never good enough for anyone.

That kind of dismal mindset, however, is just as outrageously defeatist in nature as it is insane, and, indeed, inhuman. Before I used to be a shameless lurker in the ForeverAlone forums, stewing in the collective pot of cyber mysery and hate, but something happened today that caused me to change my outlook for good I think. I won't bore you with a long and seemingly mundane story - especially given the diverse variety of extraordinary experiences related to you everyday in these forums - no, instead i will convey to you exactly what my soul has resolved to act upon.

In short, I had a kind of conscience shocking revelation while driving home from school today, which somehow served to shatter the psychological barrier plaguing my mind, which had all my life acted as a mental impediment of cruel sorts, forever convincing me that I would never find a girl, never be good enough, and would either die a regretful virgin, or ultimately commit suicide after a fairly short (I'm 25) and empty life.  Ive truly come to realize that life is very short, unpredictable and fleeting.  Yet life is also the greatest and most amazing gift that the ever mysterious and so infinite universe could ever have graced us with. 

I've never had a girlfriend before. I've never, in fact, shared so much as even the smallest and most subtle parcel of love or compassion with another female in all my life. I've never even so much as held a girl's hand in all my sad years. Sometimes I dream about how even that, the mere clasp of a hand interlocked in warm embrace with my own, so innocent and beautiful an act, and of being afforded the opportunity to share that kind of deep-seated sentiment with a girl whom I love, even if for the most briefest of time, would make all that I have been denied in life forgivable. If only...

Before this was always a fantasy. Something other men got to experience for eternities, while I rotted away in the most abject and wretched of emotional squalor. Today, however, I've decided for good that I would banish these thoughts of self-inflicting pessimism and pain forever. Not only am I promising myself never to allow these thoughts of haunting negativity to pillage and curse my mind again, but I am promising myself that I will indeed find someone. Because destiny calls for it. 

I don't know if this message will be deleted or not, due to some forum code of conduct it may be violating. I don't know if this kind of dribble laden rant will get me banned. What I do know is, however, that I had no other choice but to publicly announce it, even if no one would ever read it, just so as to serve the purpose of fulfilling an inner and subconscious kind of manifesto, which would  prompt me by oath to forever live by these stipulations, and to adhere to them dogmatically until I finally realize my life's main priority at this point - that of finding love.  If I don't, then why even bother living? I might as well be dead

All that said. I now need to start formulating a conscientious and achievable framework of priorities, steps and goals in order to see this through its very final end. I've read pretty much all the material relating to the art and science of approaching, flirting and talking to girls. Probably more than the majority of you here - I know kind of sad, but at least it shows I am determined. I've read all the books, listened to all the audio tapes and have watched all the clips and movies, etc. The theoretical underpinning I understand. I just have failed at applying all this theoretical knowledge. Essentially, I have been failing because I have been treating the art of approaching and flirting with girls as a kind of science, and to be treated as such. I got to the point where females aren't the same to me as they once were. They have been, as a result of all the hours spent learning and memorizing these scientific models striving to explain human behavior (oh how the philosophers of old would shudder at such crude attempts to explain human nature) that all females seen through my forlorn gaze have sadly been reduced to mathematical equations of sorts, whom I need to consciously solve with the utmost of precision and dexterity, without so much as making even the slightest miscalculation, which would run the risk of botching the entire operation miserably. In a sense, all of these books, guides, and endless theorizing about methods on getting girls has made it even more difficult and complicated. 

I am, in no way, saying that these "rules of the game" aren't helpful for the majority of people. We all know they generally are effective, as is demonstrated by the endless accounts of happy success stories. For me however, treating this art as as a mere cold and calculating science, this human practice of engaging females in conversations in hopes of initiating some kind of relationship that can eventually amount to something far greater and meaningful, has only spoiled the sentiment. It has only instilled in my mind the belief that females possess some kind of mental checklist which determines whom they will respond to, in accordance with the capacity of men to perfectly meet their rigid eligibility criteria. I felt that any mistake, even the most minor and insignificant, would lead to harsh, unforgiving and automatic rejection. And to be sure it always did. The slightest unconscious blunder would cause any girl to dismiss me as an imperfect specimen, unworthy of her time and presence.

I'm not weighed down by these crazed convictions any more though.  I'm through with treating the art of seduction as a science, and I am just going to be who I am. I am going to use methods that are inherently natural to me. Confidence is a mere social construction I now realize. It means nothing. We are just a swarm of living entities, all living on a rock in space. Nothing we do or say or think matters. No power is judging us. Why, then, should we feel so restricted in trying to extract a little happiness out of our short  biological lives by fulfilling our purposes as human beings to continue this human phenomenon by unifying our bodies and souls with others in love? 

What I essentially need to do is improve myself so as to better appeal to those of the female gender. I am not saying females are shallow or superficial. What does that mean anyway? It means nothing. People are attracted to other people on the basis of attraction - that's it. If I look like crap, no one will want me. So, instead of wallowing in cynical self-pity and misanthropic drudgery, I am going to turn myself into the best possible form of human as is possible. I will spend time on looking nice. I'll stay away from unhealthy food, which always served as a form of deadly escapism for me. And I will think highly of myself.

You may ask why I'm telling you all this? Firstly, I stated the need to publicly announce this declaration. Secondly, however, as is mentioned in the title, I need your help. As nonsensical as it sounds, I know I don't understand it either, I need other people to at least tell me this audacious plan of mine is achievable. I'm hoping to give updates on a regular basis, updating my progress, and hopefully eventually find someone. And if I can find someone, then it would naturally follow that any guy in this world can stop suffering the privations of loneliness, and fulfill the inherently human need to find his one and only soulmate, and never entertain notions of suicide or dying alone again.

My new life starts now

Thank you for reading this